A Guiding Heart
by JunieMT
Summary: Newborn Bella Swan wasn't changed by choice. When she tunes into a mysterious heartbeat will it be a painful reminder of the human past she can no longer live or the key to a future she struggles to embrace? Alt U
1. The Wonder Years

A/N: This story is dedicated to my favorite green M&M girls whose friendship defies the saying 'you can't go home again.' Thank you for the friendship and prereading!

Each chapter will be named after a tv show. If you don't recognize the show's name then what can I say? _I'm old_.

This story is a Twilight fanfiction, but draws inspiration from the movie 'Adventureland' and possibly a place I frequented as a teenager.

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

The Wonder Years

Alice and I walked through the mall waiting out the sun. It had been completely overcast this morning when Alice begged me to come shopping with her for new lingerie to wear tonight as she and Jasper were planning on celebrating their anniversary. Usually Alice only wanted to go to upscale fancy French boutiques in Seattle, but once she realized the sun was starting to peek through the clouds we decided to more or less take cover in the Port Angeles Mall - a place I hadn't stepped foot in for over seven months.

_Seven months ago I was changed._

Alice tugged and pulled on me through the mall, up the escalator, past the kiosks of cheap gold jewelry, and into Victoria's Secret.

"Well it's no Ooh La-La Pearle Risqué but I guess for as long as it will stay on tonight it will just have to do," Alice chirped.

"Oh just tell Jasper he has your full permission to rip'em to shreds and not try to salvage any of it." I replied. Alice flitted her eyebrows at me and smirked.

"Since finding Jasper, all of my clothes are disposable…no matter how exquisite, expensive, rare, or in this case," she said as she held up a frilly pair of royal blue panties, "cheap."

I laughed at my feminine and finicky pixie pal. It has been over seven years now of knowing Alice and her expensive taste in everything still hadn't rubbed off on me-except maybe for my car.

Alice filled up her arms with various delicate contraptions in a variety of colors and then turned to me to ask, "So are you buying anything?" She held up a very lacey pair of black panties with a matching garter, suggesting it for me.

I laughed telling her, "I don't think I need anything _that_ special from this store today, unless you see a better-looking version of Jasper seeking _me_ out tonight."

Alice barked back, "Well after that rude comment I wouldn't tell you even if I did!"

I loved taunting Alice and the best ways to do that were to tease her about her man and her visions.

Alice made her purchases and we headed out of the store, but not before I spritzed myself with Rapture perfume from the tester. Alice scrunched up her nose.

"Ewwww! That is in complete clash with your natural freesia and lavender smell, you know. Even if I did see a hot vamp coming for you he'd be really confused by _that_ scent combination. He might just pass you by."

"Oh well," I laughed in spite of myself, "maybe he'll have to put off finding me until next week." I always used to wear this scent before the change. I still loved it. It wasn't sweet or flowery-it was more sensual.

We strolled through the mall and I, as usual, was acutely aware of the couples walking hand in hand, arms wrapped around each other's waists, an arm around the shoulder, or a hand in the other's pocket. I sighed and thought back to the last time I had that. It definitely was not with a hot vamp. Instead it was with Eric Yorkie, just an average sweet, intellectual boy from Forks.

Eric Yorkie and I had dated during college. He was always nice to me in high school but a little competitive academically and socially overshadowed by his more boisterous athletic friends, Mike and Tyler. By coincidence, we ended up going away to the same college and entering its pre-med program. Once we were in college we realized we were on the same academic path and having both graduated in the top 5% of our class we were both expecting to succeed effortlessly…that was until we realized we were surrounded by the top five percent of so many other high schools. Our once competitive nature in high school then became a backdrop for a new relationship of us helping each other study and encouraging each other to succeed in our shared classes. This led to a comfortable dating zone and shared new experiences. He was sweet and gentle with me and not opposed to tender displays of public affection. Our relationship lasted from the middle of our freshman year to the beginning of summer after our sophomore year. At that point, I think we both realized we had gotten through so much together so easily—the transition into college, becoming secure in our classes, and learning about each other's bodies—that it was almost too easy and we weren't growing as individuals.

It was difficult to leave our little bubble of comfort and familiarity, but we both wanted to move on as our sophomore year ended. I think we both had felt like we had so much exposure to new people and new experiences in life that we were ready to go out and explore our new worlds beyond each other. I kind of remember seeing him on campus the following year holding hands with a girl that he had met on the newspaper staff. She was probably a better fit for him than I ever was. We continued to see each other in classes in college, but neither of us went out of our way to match our schedules like we had done the year prior. Sometimes we chatted after class about assignments for the classes we did share or politely asked about each other's parents. We ended things as friends, but for as small a town as Forks is, we only ran into each other once that summer at a party Jessica had. We chatted about our grades and he told me about the internship he was doing up in Seattle over the summer at the…the…damn, I can't remember.

So many of the memories are muddled now. I don't remember all the details. And some things that I do remember from that summer I would rather forget, like the several attempts Jacob Black made at asking me out. Thankfully I was able to use the 'I just broke up with someone and I'm not ready' line in the beginning of the summer. Off and on over the years I would see Jacob only in the summer before I came to live permanently with Charlie. He lived on the reservation but our dads had been friends since I was born. We didn't go to school together but usually caught up each summer. In summers past, we used to pitch a tent in the backyard and hang out smoking clove cigarettes with his two older sisters while our dads sat inside watching whatever baseball game was on the television, oblivious to us. We used to build a fire pit in the backyard and make s'mores. I always enjoyed being outdoors with them and things with Jacob were always very innocent—Jacob and his sisters were like cousins to me. We felt like families who went on vacation together every summer; at least, that is how it felt to me.

That summer though, Jacob was acting different. His sisters had both moved away so it was just him coming around with his dad. He was taller and more muscular but a whole lot of cockiness accompanied his new physique. After one and a half years of dating Eric-a guy who was kind, modest, and determined-I just couldn't deal with the arrogance and immaturity that Jacob suddenly embodied.

I definitely couldn't deal with his visit to me during my first week back in Forks when he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I turned away and again reminded him I had just gotten out of a relationship.

"With who? That pussy Eric? You should have never wasted your time with him to begin with!" Jacob spat at me. "Let me show you a real man."

"Oh let me guess Jacob Black, you finally lost your virginity this year, cut your hair and suddenly you're big man on reservation?" I knew I was hitting below the belt with the addition of the word finally.

Jacob was smug and smirked out his words. "Yeah, a few times actually. The ladies just can't resist this." He ran his hand down his stomach smoothly over his firm abs. "And you won't be able to either. How about if we camp out tonight? We could pitch a tent in Charlie's backyard, just you and me."

_Not likely Jay-cob_. _Six pack or no six pack, he was positively ugly with arrogance and conceit._

Two weeks into that summer I realized I needed to not be around and available for any more of Jacob's "visits with advances" so I decided that for one last summer I would go back to work at Ski & Skies Adventureland . It was going to be my fourth summer working there. It was located just outside Port Angeles. All the kids went there for the amusement park in the summer and for skiing and snowboarding in the winter. My first summer there I was only seventeen. It was the summer after I had come to live with Charlie, and it was almost... _magical_.

The first friend I had made at Forks High School when I started in March of my junior year was Jessica Stanley. She already worked at the ski lodge area during the winter months on weekends and was signed up to work within the amusement park section for the upcoming summer. She encouraged me to get the job there. I convinced Charlie the pay was going to be well worth it if I worked 5 days a week, telling him weekends were the busiest and mandatory for me to work. Thankfully the job provided me with a paycheck and a social life outside of Forks, and Charlie seemed to ease up on himself that he didn't have to feel guilty about whether or not he was around all the time. With this job, my life and time were thankfully occupied.

Jessica and I didn't always work in the same area of the park, but at least worked the same shift, so we often shared rides to work. That first year I recognized some other kids from Forks that worked there too, but otherwise, my coworkers were a mish-mosh of kids from surrounding towns and neighboring high schools. That proved to be the best part of the whole job-meeting lots of new and different people and seeing them back each summer under an umbrella of a warm reception with underlying excitement about it being summertime and all the possibilities that it invoked. By my now fourth summer, I knew that the second week after the park opened, there would be a kegger party hosted by Andy, one of the supervisors, but more so than that, I knew without a doubt everyone would be there. The kegger parties had an "all are welcome" open invitation. I knew there would be nights when a certain section of the park would stay open just for employees. I knew no matter what day I came to work there would be a bunch of people I would be happy to see there.

Unlike the cliques in high school, there were limited boundaries with the large number of people that worked here over the summer. We were one big welcoming group, happy to be mingling and happy to be reuniting without the restraints of keeping quiet during a professor's lecture or getting homework done. It was the same excited feeling of being away at summer camp as a kid or going off to college, only without the work….okay but yeah we did still have to work. Sure we all had various jobs to do, but we did them with innocent laughs and the excitement of youth that was even evident in the middle-aged teachers, like my high school biology teacher Mr. Banner, who worked there over their summers for extra money.

For as dull a place as Forks was, if working here meant selling hot chocolate, operating the roller coaster, making funnel cakes, or giving out stuffed animals as prizes, then this was a fun, happy place.

I knew that would be my last summer working there, though… I knew I had to start focusing more on my pre-med path for my summers with internships, like Eric was already doing, but I still wanted to go back just that last summer, just to try to recapture the magic of my first summer there when I was seventeen, when everything and everyone was so new to me, when everything was still so exciting and confusing. Just in case….

I sat down on a bench in the mall while Alice looked through the Disney Store twirling and giggling at all the animated figurines. She breezed back to my side and exclaimed, "Don't you just love Disney stuff? What's the name of the prince the Little Mermaid fell in love with?

I rolled my eyes and replied without hesitating, "Eric."

"Oh right just like one Eric Yorkie. What did you see in him again? Ahhh, never mind. I'm just jealous of him because you went off to college and left me here all alone and I missed you horribly! Don't you just love that story, though? How the mermaid is willing to give up her world and her cute little fins to be a human for him?" Alice bubbled over in her words.

"Yeah I do love that story, and I totally would have given up being human if I had fallen desperately in love with a vampire first," I giggled through my reply. "And I missed you while I was away at college too, but lucky for you, now you and the rest of the Cullens are stuck with me. Forever."

Alice delighted in her own pop culture knowledge and asked me things randomly in an attempt to baffle my muddled human memories. She desperately wished she could be an A-list vampire among the B-list actors and comedians that did commentary on MTV's "I love the 90s" shows.

_When you can live forever, it's good to have a dream._

She was helping me remember my other life, and in some cases it was almost like I've had to relearn some things. And as for the things that I can sit and reflect on now, a lot of it has to do with Carlisle encouraging me to write in journals. At some point I figure I won't actually know what I remember in my head versus what I can remember from memorizing what I've written down.

But there were certain things I didn't have to try very hard to remember…some things were ingrained in my brain, almost like they were in their very own clear indestructible box, immune to my change-memories of my goodbye to my mom and Phil at our house in Arizona when they left for Florida, memories of Gran's funeral, and my first week in Forks when I moved in with Charlie. Carlisle suggested these events were all linked to very strong feelings and that is why they survived as fiercely as they did. Seemed like a lot of crushing moments full of anguish and despair to me. Weren't these things I would have rather forgotten? Moments of crushing anguish…moments I haven't felt since, not even after waking up and grasping to understand what Carlisle had done to me. And then there were my memories of the first summer I worked at Ski & Skies Adventureland, the good ole SSA. Yep, still crystal clear, razor sharp.

Alice flitted out of the Disney store humming "Part of Your World" as she came and sat down on the bench by me. "Hey do you remember what Scuttle the bird called forks in that movie?"

"No," I replied firmly.

Alice started laughing and barely got it out.

"Dinglehoppers! Wouldn't that have been a more interesting name for our Godforsaken town?" she asked. I giggled in agreement.

A minute or so later two teenage boys approached us, the taller blonde one seeming more forthright than the other. With his grey beater shirt on, his hat on backwards, and his faded denim jeans barely hugging his hip bones and showing way too much of his striped boxers, he opened his mouth and pointed to Alice's Victoria's Secret bags.

"Aww ladies, put on your lingerie for us tonight and we'll show you our secrets."

I rolled my eyes. Alice spun her fingers in the air to wave them off. When hanging out with Alice before I was changed, guys approached her often in these nonschool, crowded public environments. She usually shut them down before they ever had a chance to speak. What I hadn't realized before I was changed, because I wasn't quite as stunning as I seem to be now I guess, was that when a guy really wants to talk to you, he will open up his mouth and say something, even if it is the stupidest thing that comes out.

I used to imagine that when a guy really liked a girl he would practice what he would say in front of a mirror—how very Kevin Arnold, I suppose. _Whoa_! I've been watching way too many Nick at Nite reruns of The Wonder Years since no longer needing to sleep! Well at least these types of guys did not. Alice and I were frequently approached when we were together and greeted with similar asinine comments, ridiculous lines, and flimsy invitations that I could not imagine working with any girl, let alone two vegetarian, but still potentially dangerous, vampires.

Alice turned to me with a wicked look on her face. "Hey did you want to stop in Sears and get Charlie a new flannel before we go?"

"I think he has plenty!" I chuckled.

It had been a joke after Carlisle turned me. All of the Cullens gave my dad a heavy flannel to keep him warm when he hugged me to tease him and to remind him, "Don't forget, you asked for this."

Charlie didn't really ask for me to be turned to cold stone and be frozen in time, he just asked that my life be saved, at any cost. He was a good sport about the teasing and would not even give them the satisfaction. Instead he would usually throw out some line about how he could always use a warm flannel for when he goes fishing to amp up his windfall or how the plaid really seems to drive the ladies in town wild.

Oh yeah, that was Charlie, big time fishing expert and famous ladies' man.

"Well the sun has gone back in, are you ready to go?" Alice asked.

"Sure, after all, you have a big night ahead of you," I snickered.

We stood up and started walking. Alice linked her arm through mine and gave me a squeeze.

"I do," she said. She giggled like she was applauding her own private joke and then continued, "I'm pretty sure Jasper might finally ask me to marry him tonight."

My already frozen body froze in place looking at her with wide eyes, "No! Really? I thought you guys were against all that."

Alice smiled and sweetly explained, "Well, it has been a good nine years he has been practicing our lifestyle and finally now feels he has everything under control—I think he has finally had time to think about other things."

I gasped and covered my mouth. This was the most surprising news I had heard in seven months.

"What does the ring look like? Tell me! I know you know," I blurted out to Alice and shook her shoulders, knowing full well she had the vision of this and had been holding out on me the entire day.

"It is stunning and simple! He actually noticed that I prefer to wear silver!" Alice beamed with a grin that was wider than her whole pixie face.

"Jasper really has done well with learning to control his thirst if he was able to notice THAT detail!" I said and giggled to myself.

"You know I have you to thank for some of that—and of course, I know he is thankful too, but it is harder for him to say it. But I'll thank you by making you my maid of honor!"

"What? Alice, me, really? Hey why don't you wait until you have the ring on your hand. You know with my luck, I'll jinx you. Besides your visions can go a little wonky."

"Hey! My visions don't go wonky! They are just a little vague and subjective," she snarked back at me and then laughed grabbing my arm again, pulling me toward the escalator to go back down to the entrance.

We were about ten steps away from Starbucks when I sighed, Mmmmmmmm, at the aroma of coffee. Wow how I missed coffee. It had gotten me through school and I still remember the best cup I ever had had been one I shared at Ski & Skies Adventureland that first summer.

"Alice, do you think we could force feed a mountain lion some coffee?"

She laughed. "Well maybe Emmett could hold one down for you while you pour."

_Yeah right!_ Emmett doesn't ever feel like doing much for me these days. For about three months now he has been acting strangely—distant and all cold shoulder-y at times. I still have no idea what I had done to deserve it.

We turned to head to the exit when I froze, again. "Alice, do you hear that?" I whispered.

"Hear what?" she asked, stopping beside me.

"That heartbeat." _Thump, da dun, thump da dun_ I closed my eyes and felt something, I'm not sure what, travel through me in a gentle wave from my eyes all the way down to my toes.

"I hear lots of them. Which one?" Alice asked concerned, looking at me clearly worried.

"I hear one really strongly, compared to the rest, but I think it is irregular," I said as I looked around trying to decipher where the offending musicmaker was originating.

Every muscle in me tensed, and I felt my facial features drop. I looked at Alice now feeling panicky. "Oh no! Is this…?" I trailed off, worried that this was tied into the bloodlust. We were almost at the door to the outside with no one around us.

_Thump, da dun, thump, da dun _

"An irregular heartbeat and the aroma of coffee? I think you just tapped into someone's Starbuck's-induced caffeine high. We better get you out of here to go hunt before you lose it. Come on, Bella."

Alice elbowed me and tugged at my arm, but suddenly I didn't want to leave the mall.

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><p><em>If you think you have this story all figured out, you're wrong!<em>


	2. Happy Days

A/N: Oh gosh I forgot to mention, picture anyone you want for Eric Yorkie in that last chapter.

Disclaimer: In case I forgot to mention it, I just do this writing thing for fun and for one of my friends. Stephenie Meyer is actually pretty cool for letting us Fanfic her story. Maybe I should go easier on Jacob…nah.

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

Happy Days

Alice drove us home in her recently acquired yellow sports car. I forget what the name of it was. I didn't exactly speak Car & Driver beyond my own mustang. So whether it was an Italian or German sports car it didn't matter, I just knew that to be a Cullen meant to drive fast cars, and Alice was the tiniest Cullen with the biggest lead foot of all. I wonder if even Jasper's power of persuasion could get her to slow down. Internal giggling to myself, I mused about whether she ever got visions of a cop pulling her over to give her a ticket.

"So which color of cheap looking lingerie should I go with tonight?"

"How about something in a virginal hue?"

Alice snickered. "Oh, I don't believe I have anything remotely close to that."

I turned her Sirius jukebox to the all 90s station. "Losing My Religion" was playing. Perfect. Now I really need a….

"Alice, do you mind? Just this once? I swear I haven't had one in like two weeks," I pleaded for permission.

"In the Porsche? I don't think so, Bella! Ugggggghhh-that's not being very supportive is it? Okay but put your window all the way down and don't you dare burn a hole in my car anywhere!"

Oh yeah, it's a Porsche.

I reached into my purse and pulled out a cigarette and my orange lighter that said Ski & Skies Adventureland on it with a picture of my favorite roller coaster there. Before I could put down my window, Alice was already taking care of it.

"You know it's Jasper's little trick. He's the one who taught it to me." I lit my cigarette and breathed in deeply.

"But why do you need it right now?" Alice asked. "We'll be hunting in under an hour."

"I don't know. I think it was that heartbeat I heard…I just felt a wild craving for something…"

Actually it was the song but I wasn't telling that to Alice.

-x-

I affectionately refer to my new family as "the in-laws." Carlisle and Esme had found each other first and then saved Emmett from a horrible grizzly bear attack, referring to him as their first son. Jasper and Alice had found each other and a vision led them to the Cullens, who welcomed them with open fangs. Internal giggle. It was Jasper who had served as my guide initially after Carlisle turned me. Everyone had given their blessing in changing me and swore to help me assimilate, but Carlisle appointed Jasper strategically, stating it would help with Jasper's own struggle and determination in a practice what you preach type way because he was not always a vegetarian vamp-this was a new way of life he had been struggling to adjust to for a few years now. He had taught me his little trick of smoking cigarettes to confuse the body so that when we felt the craving for human blood it was mixed with the craving of nicotine. Often times, having a quick smoke was enough to quell the craving within the bloodstream, sometimes just long enough to get him out of a situation or maybe just to give him a reason to step outdoors and away from the concentration of human blood scent.

Amazingly, my newborn stage has been short and with zero human casualties, so far, but Jasper has had it harder than me. He's already tasted the blood of humans. He knew how to quell his body's thirst with the warm, fresh kill of human life. He knew how it felt, tasted, and satisfied the body. Resisting our kind's natural prey has been an ongoing struggle for him. Learning to live on just the blood of animals was an adjustment that he was willing to make for Alice and to atone for his past savagery. Still, sending him out into the world everyday amongst the raging pulses and scents of humans-well I can only imagine that was like a kid dressed up for Halloween knocking at the door saying Trick-or-Treat but not being allowed to take any candy. Yeah…Torture.

As for my remarkable self control, our best guess was that as a human I avoided confrontation so much that it carried over into my new eternity, though Emmett said it was my culinary skills that made me gravitate so naturally toward animals. Once moving to Forks I had realized Charlie couldn't cook so I became obsessed with the Food Network, perfecting several of my kitchen skills, including how to gut, clean, and fillet fish, which was useful when Charlie returned home from fishing with his catch of the day. I could also debone a small chicken in under 3 minutes, thanks to Wolfgang Puck. With my speed now, I had that down to 4 seconds.

Whatever the case, my successful transformation was surprisingly easy according to my new extended family to the point that Jasper—who was supposed to be supporting me—actually ended up learning from me and even coming to me for moral support during times he felt the bloodlust strongly.

One day I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Look, I didn't ask for this change but I'm doing my best to own it! I'm straddling two lives, two families, two worlds, and the biggest compromise in doing so is to resist human blood. I love Charlie and now I love you guys too. I'd rather be this, doing it this way, than be some out-of-control monster who is only out for myself and roaming through this world with no connections, no conscience to keep me grounded."

I remember him looking at me stunned, but I was not deterred.

"Damn it Jasper! Why can't you just sprinkle a teaspoon of paprika and a dash of pepper on your wrist while you hunt the animals and get over it already?"

With that we both laughed hysterically.

Jasper later told me how that day instead of him projecting his emotional cloud of feeling onto me like he normally could, it was like I boomeranged it back to him and carried over my own fierce emotions with it. I inflicted my feelings of confidence, acceptance, hope, and calmness surrounding my words onto him and it infiltrated him. Ironically, I didn't quite believe everything I had said to him. Still, he said that was the first time it ever happened in his entire life—altering him. He could feel what I felt the same way others could feel what he wanted them to feel. That day he also gave up the need to smoke.

For me, smoking was still a crutch, but hey I am only seven months into this brave new world.

Ever since high school, Alice had always told me that one day I was going to help her in a big way, which is why she encouraged Carlisle that day Charlie brought me to him. I guess this is what she meant. I had helped Jasper get over that final hump.

Alice turned to me again, "Bella, you've been my best friend since our senior year in high school, please say you'll be my maid of honor?"

"Of course, Alice, that is, should the need arise, I will, but only because I know I won't have to do anything." I replied smiling slyly in between puffs.

She smirked, "That's right! Your time will barely be monopolized by my little event."

It was true we had been friends since our senior year in high school. The year prior Emmett and Jasper had graduated and Alice was left to sit at her lunch table alone, as previously the 3 of them did not co-mingle with the rest of the student body quite so much. Upon entering Forks High, Jessica had filled me in on how the Cullens were a little standoffish and different but without the ferociousness of Emmett there my senior year, Alice seemed shy but not unfriendly. We had an English class together the first day of our senior year and sat next to each other. She engaged me in conversation about how my summer went. She was so bubbly and listened intently as I dreamily relayed a story about my summer working at Ski & Skies Adventure. As I made my way to lunch that first day I realized she was sitting at their table alone, so I went and sat with her. She didn't seem to mind and upon sitting down she held out both of her hands and said to me, "Here I got this for you." It was an apple. I wondered how she knew to get something for me.

As we became closer friends, Alice would sometimes warn me about pitfalls in my day, telling me to avoid a patch of ice if I was going to the science building or call me at night to remind me to pack my research paper in my book bag if it was due the next day. She never had my future mapped out in the terms of "_one day you'll be a leech like me_." She had little pearls of warnings, which increasingly became more and more benevolent for me. One day I finally asked her if she had psychic abilities and she answered truthfully with a "yes." For as badly coordinated as I was, I decided a friend who could help me outmaneuver potential pitfalls was a friend for life.

-x-

We hunted on the way home. After hunting, we arrived home in time for me to shower and get to the hospital to start my shift. I kept thinking about the heartbeat as I drove to the hospital. I was going to be doing first rounds with Carlisle tonight and then off to research and document.

I had been studying to become a doctor when the change occurred. I still wanted to learn and to practice medicine but knew I couldn't go back to school right away. If ever. Carlisle was impressed by my intense and immediate restraint regarding bloodlust and I had convinced him just a month ago to let me start to learn under him knowing if I had any trouble resisting the pull of the bloodlust he would be there. He was hesitant because I was still so young to my new life. When he agreed he made conditions of how much exposure I could have to the patients and how much time I needed to be confined to his office doing busy work.

He had been teaching me how to use my new heightened senses to become attuned to patients' afflictions. I was especially proud when just last week I had sensed a deep venous thrombosis in the right leg of Angela Weber's father, one of my friends from high school. It could have been easily overlooked as a muscular problem causing leg pain, but per my suggestion, Doppler studies were taken, confirming the collection of blood in his leg. Carlisle insists I saved Mr. Weber's life.

I enjoyed working side by side with Carlisle. He looked after me in a fatherly way and, as the head of the Cullen family, he always made himself available to help in navigating my new life and my interest in medicine.

About two months ago, I asked him if he regretted changing me. He told me that he hesitated at first, as he did not relish in the thought of having to change anyone but then poignantly reflected on how his family had been ever changing and growing over the years and he was now more willing to allow the growth without the guilt. He now appreciated the fact that he had someone to share his interest in medicine. Because Alice and I had been friends already, basically her only human friend, and I had already met and known the family, Carlisle insisted that I had already been a member of his family even before he changed me. He added that Esme had always been especially fond of me.

It was true, once I was changed and a true part of their kind, they had welcomed me and insisted that I had already been so much a part of their family even though up until that time I didn't know all the details of their true vamp-tastic nature.

It was only Emmett who somehow seemed to not be thrilled with the change, but I was still working on him. He had always been so comfortable with me before the change, protective even. I loved hanging around the Cullen house when Emmett was there. I thought we had a very easy going relationship. Basically he told me bad jokes, and I laughed, though too often I was the subject of the jokes and taunting. About three months ago though something went wrong with us. He made himself scarce when I was around. When he was in the same room with me I would catch a few scowls and muttering under his breath. I'm not sure what his problem was, but it was starting to be unacceptable. Carlisle and Esme both insisted that I feel completely comfortable with them, their house, and their way of life, but I was becoming more and more uncomfortable with Emmett. I planned to confront him one day and find out what his problem suddenly was—why my new life seemed to now negate our past relationship.

-x-

"Bella you did a great job with rounds today. Why don't we grab some food from the cafeteria and go start our research in the office," Carlisle said.

I giggled knowing the joke. We had to keep up pretenses at the hospital. "After you. Think they are serving cow's blood today?"

Carlisle just glared down at me. "Bella, do you need to hunt?"

"Nope! Just a little vampy humor, I guess. Alice and I hit the park after we left the mall," I responded.

As we walked to the cafeteria Carlisle quizzically looked at me and asked, "And how was the temptation at the mall?"

"Not temping exactly, except for the strong smell of…." I trailed off. Carlisle held his breath. I glanced around then leaned in to him and whispered, "coffee."

He laughed. I knew he would. Carlisle had a calm demeanor but always appreciated a little humor. "Yes, well I'm sure it is way better than any coffee they serve around here."

"It wasn't just the coffee smell at the mall, though. There are so many scents of food and perfume and leather that it really all just gets mixed in with the blood."

Carlisle chuckled. "Well, Bella, that's probably a good thing. Who knew the mall was such a sanctuary for our kind?"

I started hesitantly, "Well there was," then stopped, biting my lower lip.

By this time we had bought a few items in the cafeteria and headed back to his office. He waited for me to continue. Upon reaching his office, he looked concerned. "What?" he asked.

I plopped myself down in a chair trying to think. "Well I don't know if it is anything to worry about exactly."

"Bella anything you tell me will only help me in my research, please know that."

Carlisle was still overwhelmed at what he called the ease of my transformation and had been documenting every part of it. He now insisted I document all of my new experiences. He was hoping to create some kind of super handbook for living this alternative way to our existence with the master plan of someday presenting it to the Volturi—the vampire elders who lived in Italy that questioned how Carlisle or the rest of us could deny ourselves human blood. I had not met the Volturi and from what I heard so far it didn't seem like I was significant enough to ever have the chance.

I went on, "Well I just kind of focused in on someone's heartbeat. It was like I could hear it loud and clear over every other sound in the mall. It was like having my ear right up to his chest."

"Hmmm, did you recognize the sound? Did you recognize him?" Carlisle probed.

"No. I just recognized that the heartbeat had an irregularity to it but….wait _him_? Why did you say _him_?" I asked.

"You said _him_ first. Did you recognize him when you saw him?

I thought over what I said. "Carlisle I never figured out whose heartbeat I heard. It wasn't anyone I was standing near. I guess I said him because it was like putting my ear up to Charlie's chest when I hug him. That is how close the heartbeat felt and sounded."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "You said it was irregular. How so?"

"Well not like mid-coronary attack or anything, just some kind of murmur or heart defect," I responded. "Do you think that's it…am I becoming really sensitive to patient conditions outside the hospital?" I hadn't thought of that until now.

"Quite possibly you are learning how to tune in to certain medical conditions, but tell me something. What did you feel when you heard it?" Carlisle was listening intently for my answer.

"Well I felt Alice tugging on me much harder than she needed to, for which I elbowed her."

He laughed and said, "Good for you." Then he posed the question to me differently. "Bella, this is an exercise in sorting through all the things you felt when you heard it. Did you feel thirst or even ravenous?"

"NO! I told you I was not tempted at all there," I insisted to him, feeling like I was being labeled and misunderstood.

"Okay, okay." He laughed at my reaction. "So then how did you feel?"

I stammered, "I-I felt something. I'm not sure what you would call it."

"Were you scared or worried about losing control?" He pressed for details, even though I thought we had covered the tempted thing.

"Well at first, because of how it hit me, but then I felt kind of…giddy?" I'm not sure if that was the right word after I said it.

"So this was a happy sound to you?"

"I don't know, I wouldn't say that. It wasn't that I felt happiness in a contented way…more like it triggered something. I felt a…yearning."

"Bella you just said you weren't tempted. And a yearning sounds like…" He stopped himself from going further.

"It was like a yearning for something I hadn't…You know how….It's kind of like. Ugh...how can I explain this? It's like when Charlie pulls out pictures of me when I was a toddler and gushes over stories…like he yearns for those days again."

Carlisle smiled. He sat down in his chair, leaned back, and folded his hands behind his head and said, "Ahhhh yes, nostalgia."

"Is that what it is?" I felt my face giving off a goofy grin as I relaxed and felt satisfied with his assessment. "See, I told you I wasn't tempted. Does that even make sense?"

"Well for others of our kind Bella, probably not. But for you—everything has the possibility of making at least a little bit of sense." He smirked because he was teasing me. "Why don't we talk it over with Esme tomorrow and get her thoughts on it because even though I'm analytical about the facets of our lives, she may tune in more to this and should be able to work on this sentimentality with you."

"Sure, we'll consult Mrs. C and the Fonz on this one down at Arnold's tomorrow over a malt," I said knowing the 1950s was Carlisle's favorite of the more recent decades.

He smiled and shook his head at me then pointed toward the computer, and then I realized my fate for the rest of the night, "But let me guess, for now my assignment is to put this straight into the Life and Times of Bella the Bloodsucker?"

"You got it!" With that his beeper went off and he excused himself to go attend to a patient.

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><p>AN As you can tell, there will always be a reference to the tv show of the corresponding chapter title. :)


	3. Ghost Whisperer

A/N: Getting a little backstory on this Alternate Universe Cullen family. What is the deal with Emmett? He's not his jovial self is he?

Disclaimer: No claim to Twilight ownership or the tv shows referenced…and no claims that this story is even good.

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><p>CHAPTER 3<p>

GHOST WHISPERER

I drove home that morning thinking about what Carlisle said. _Nostalgia_. What did I have to be nostalgic about? I mean I could be nostalgic for a lot of different things…my old Chevy truck, my chinchilla I had as a pet growing up, or even the times I went to the fair and won best dish for my enchiladas. I continued to recall the exact cadence of the heartbeat in my head, _thump da dum, thump da dum_. How exactly does a heartbeat make you feel nostalgic?

Carlisle had reached the house at the same time as me even though I left before him. Alice had the biggest lead foot of the Cullens, but Carlisle's car might as well have an assigned number and store logos all over it for as fast as he maneuvered the roads. You would think there was someone waving a black and white checkered flag at the end of the Cullen's driveway. We entered to find an ecstatic Esme welcoming us home. "Finally everyone is here. Come in and sit at the dining room table."

I smirked hoping I knew exactly what this little Cullen family convention around the barely used long dining room table was going to entail. Emmett joined us, sitting on the far end from me. _Whatever, Emmett_. Not too obvious or anything. I hope he saw me roll my eyes.

Alice and Jasper descended the stairs together. Ahh, now I was certain I knew what this was about… her vision.

Alice practically sang out, "Everyone, Jasper and I are going to make it official and be wed." All of us jumped up from our seats to congratulate them.

Grabbing Alice's hand I begged, "The ring! Let me see!"

It was more than merely beautiful-a perfectly square princess cut diamond with two stacking layers of tiny sparkling diamonds below it set into an infinity symbol on a silver band. Alice preferred silver and Jasper did remember. The three-karat diamond seemed as exquisite and strong as the Alice I knew and yet the ring was as delicate and dainty as the outside world saw Alice. I hugged Alice, and she winked at me, "It's stunning, right?"

Esme generously offered, "We will go wherever you want to have the wedding Alice—Paris, London, my island, anywhere! Won't we Carlisle?"

Carlisle responded, "Yes! Of course!" Then he stopped, choking up a bit.

Jasper looked at him and then gave him an easy smile. Carlisle nodded in appreciation to him and now more composed started, "I'm just so pleased that the two of you will be together in this way and it brings me such peace to know how far you have both come from your beginnings in our second life. That goes for you too Emmett and Bella, and of course, for you, my love." He reached for Esme's hand.

I looked over at Emmett. He was looking at me and then winced, suddenly staring down.

Jasper interjected, sensing Carlisle's overexcitement in touching Esme. "Alright, alright. Save your speeches for the wedding." He nuzzled into Alice's neck and then directed her, "You tell them."

Alice had a glint in her eye and a glow to her. "We think we might like to have the wedding… here?" She was almost asking.

I was horrified and immediately blurted out, "Here in Forks? When you could go to Paris, London, or anywhere?"

Alice looked at Jasper intently. He nodded back at her and winked. Alice grabbed my hands with such excitement and said, "I just see it here and being a happy occasion for all of us! You'll see!" She hugged me. There was no use in ever trying to understand Alice's motivations. They were beyond my intuition and as well thought out as any strategic chess move.

Esme, now standing, suddenly grasped the side of the dining room chair to support herself. She let out a pained whimper.

Emmett jumped up to grab a hold of her. "Carlisle!" he called out. "It's happening!"

Esme clutched her heart and started taking deep breaths. "It's okay," she said. "They want to talk to you Alice."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Yippie! Is it my parents?" Esme nodded yes and made a notion toward the couch.

Emmett was in full protective mode as he helped Esme to the couch and sat her down. Alice followed and sat beside her. I watched as Esme composed herself, taking both of Alice's hands and began a spiritual communication.

"Alice, my darling daughter, we wish you and Jasper a wonderful life together. We helped you two find each other but that was all we could do from this side. Your choices of how to live this life have been your own, and we are so proud of you both."

I stood back, way back, taking small cautious steps backward until I was against the unused grand piano in the house. I felt my mouth had opened. My jaw was not retracting. I was amazed at what I was witnessing for the first time. It was Esme's sincerity but not her words. This was Esme's special attribute in this life? She was a medium? Jasper had come to Alice's side. Esme reached out one hand to Jasper.

"We know you will take care of her. You've always loved her—but your experiences in life needed to be sorted through, and you've done so triumphantly." Jasper smiled at their expression of approval.

Esme reached out and pulled Alice into a gentle endearing hug, stroking her dark brown hair, and caressing the left side of her cheek tenderly.

"Don't go yet, please," Alice tearfully replied. "I miss you so much."

Esme's voice was reassuring and soothing. "We're all fine and with you, guiding you every chance we get. We love you both."

Esme reached her other hand to cup Jasper's face sweetly. Then Esme looked over toward Carlisle standing behind the couch. "Thank you for this extraordinary heaven you've given them and for providing strength as you lead them." She turned back to Alice. "Be well our dearest daughter."

With that Esme's eyes rolled into the back of her head before she jumped up into a fierce crouch stance with a jagged snarl erupting from her throat.

I lightly fell onto the piano bench, frozen. Stunned. I was completely in awe of what I had just witnessed and I had never seen Esme looked so hostile. Carlisle went to Esme's side in a flash while Jasper hugged a visibly choked up Alice.

Esme looked at Carlisle—her eyes were a deep onyx. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

Esme nodded but snarled, "So weak. I need to hunt."

Carlisle acknowledged to her his understanding and then looked around at all of us. "We'll celebrate more later?" The rest of us dismissed him with a wave.

"Go now! Holler if you need help." Emmett barked.

Still in a cloud of awe, I walked over to Emmett who was now sitting on his self-deemed big, squishy moss green comfy chair and sat down on the arm.

"What just happened?"

His response to my inquiry was a questioning look as if to say, _Are you an idiot_?

"Well, I mean I know….I think. I've just never seen it before other than on television or in movies. Have you?" I whispered.

Jasper had taken over holding Alice in his arms, and they quietly exited the room together ascending the stairs at a rare normal human speed.

Emmett volunteered, "It's not often it happens. I mean, shit, Esme isn't a walking Jennifer Love Hewitt helping people cross over or anything. And so far, it has only been our actual deceased family members who have come through, but it takes so much out of Esme each time that it makes her ravenous. Wooooo, she can become one thirsty mother, I'll tell you! Thankfully it has not happened out in public because she worries that the thirst it leaves her with might overcome her normal control."

"Has she ever tried to contact them?" I asked, not really understanding how it worked. The closest I ever came to a medium before was Julie Stewart dressed up like a gypsy and cackling over a plastic crystal ball in a booth at Ski & Skies Adventureland.

Emmett continued, "No. They come to her on their time with their message. It's not really like Esme keeps them on speed dial just to chat."

"Have you ever been the recipient of such a phone call?" I laughed.

"Once…from my father." Emmett's eyes were gentle and his voice shifted to solemn. "It was after I had gotten through my newborn stage and was questioning our vegetarian lifestyle. My mom wasn't deceased yet and he wanted to reassure me that he saw what had happened and to trust Carlisle's vision—to embrace this life. He said he would look after my mom and that she would be okay. That was the hardest part of this—knowing my mom was out there fucking grieving for me and alone. Six months after I had gotten past the newborn stage she passed away. Then I was truly an orphan, but Esme and Carlisle always referred to me as their son, their first son before Jasper joined our family."

"Did it help you? I mean, hearing from your father like that?"

"I guess more than anything it helped me be prepared for my mom's death. I had gone back to check on her a few times. I left some notes around for her to find telling her that I loved her, making it seem like they had been there buried for years. I left her flowers and watched her sleep sometimes telling her that I was fine. When she died, I felt at peace to know that she would finally know what happened to me."

He stopped and shook his head. "Bella, you have no idea how good you have it."

"What? Why?" I asked stunned.

"You get to see Charlie and be a part of our family—not to mention your brief newborn stage."

I guess I never had thought of myself as lucky in that way. Most days I was miserable about no longer being a human I tried to downplay it. "Yeah, well the flip side is that Carlisle sees me as some kind of…I don't know…lab rat…errr, vamp. I'm his own personal experiment and I have to document every little thing—I know he didn't ever put you through that kind of torture!"

Emmett released a hardy laugh. "Shit, you've just got to dumb it down a little…that's what I do. Try not to be so interested in the analysis of everything. I let my biceps do the thinking." He flexed and laughed, sticking his chest out proudly.

Truly Emmett was thought of as the protector of the family.

We both laughed, too easily. _Sigh._ I missed this about us.

"So I'll assume you will be maid of honor at this Fantastic Weddings by Alice Event of the Century to be held here?"

Alice had thrown a graduation party here this house that ended with crushing anguish. I had hoped that would be the last of her fantastic events.

I grinned, "Don't tell Jasper, but she asked me yesterday while we were at the mall. And am I to assume you will be best man?"

"Jazz hasn't asked me officially, but once when we were hunting together he said if he and Alice could ever get to the point of making it official that he wanted me by his side."

"Great! So dancing partners that day, then?" I joked giving him a nudge on the arm and a wink.

He winced in reaction and refocused on the television, harshly. Oh no, where did he go? I lost him again.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer but I asked anyway, "Umm, okay…what?"

He groaned and threw his head back into the mossy softness of the chair sending ripples through the fabric all the way through the back of the chair.

"Bella, have you ever seen me dance?" he asked.

"I've seen you do a little bump and grinding. I don't see nothing wrong with it. Ooh and there's that hunting victory dance you do after you've drained a fresh-out-of-hibernation grizzly bear. How does that one go?" I jiggled my hips and put my hands up in the air. "Ooh yeah! Ooh yeah!" I mocked. "Not to be outdone by your team scoring in a game! How's that one go?" I threw my fists up in the air and gyrated my pelvis. "Hell yeah! Hell yeah!" I sang.

Emmett had even managed to teach Charlie that one little dance, and it was the funniest thing I had ever seen! Emmett, sports, and Vitamin R was the only combination I knew of that could make Charlie look so uninhibited. If you saw him at his best sports victory dancing you would never know he was the chief of police.

"Well sure I've got those moves," Emmett said with irritation, "but when it comes to the waltz and formal crap like that I was never very good at any of it. I never really learned how to be all graceful and shit."

I giggled manically. "Sooooo…we've finally tapped into an Emmett weakness."

"Yeah, yeah. And don't be documenting that shit, either!" he growled.

I tried to reassure his insecurities. "You know you don't have to be Johnny Castle. So when Carlisle's not putting me in the corner maybe we can practice together."

Suddenly Emmett rolled his eyes and retreated within himself. Again. He turned on the tv and started focusing on changing the channels.

Okay, I just lost him again. What did I say?

Did I even want to have this conversation right now? Having no idea what it would entail I decided no. I really want to just go back to the mall to listen again for the heartbeat. _Crap_, now I needed a cigarette. This damn crazy vampire brain is like an ongoing chain reaction. I grabbed my purse and headed out to the front porch to smoke. I searched my purse for my lighter.

_Shit, where is it?_! No, no, no! I couldn't have lost it after all these years.

When was the last time I used it? Think…think. I can't remember.

When was the first time I used it? THAT, I remember.

I felt frantic and sick but suddenly Jasper was by my side. "Here." He held out his hand with the lighter in it. "Alice said you left it in her car and saw you would need it."

"Thank you. Oh Jasper I've had this lighter for years…you don't know how freaked out I just got thinking I lost it," I cried out in relief.

He grinned slyly, "Ummm, yes actually I do know how freaked out you just were. But Bella isn't it just a lighter?"

"I know. It's stupid. I'm surprised it still works even, though I don't use it often," I said.

"But it's something you're…. _holding onto_?"

He was implying more and bent down to look up into my eyes. Before he could even attempt to read my reaction I took action by embracing him warmly.

"Good job with the ring, Jasper! This is the best part of being a member of this family—sharing in this! I'm so happy for you both!"

He hugged me back and whispered, "Good job changing the subject. C'mon let's have a smoke."

I looked at him questioningly. "Oh just one celebratory cigarette isn't going to hurt me."

I pulled out my new box of Marlboro lights, shook out a cigarette, held it to my mouth, lit it with my little orange lighter and held it out for him. I lit mine next quickly sucking in deeply.

Immediately, I felt myself twinge with the same emotion I had experienced at the mall, now floating down from my head, swirling around my heart, and then drifting down to my toes.

Jasper inhaled quickly and then opened his eyes wide. He looked at me incredulously.

"What. Was. That?" he demanded.

I blew out the smoke downwards, kept my eyes from his line of view, and shrugged my shoulders.

"Nostalgia," I replied.

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><p>AN: Thank you for the reviews and personal messages I have received on this story!


	4. Friends

A/N: What's up with Emmett? Let's find out.

Disclaimer: In my next life, I want to be Stephenie Meyer…or a vampire. She owns it. I toy with it.

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><p>CHAPTER 4<p>

FRIENDS

I went upstairs to shower and change. I looked around this room, … my new room. Floor to ceiling windows to the east. Floor to ceiling shelves on the opposite wall. Every week clothes magically appeared in my closet, thanks to Alice. Half my stuff was still at Charlie's, but I just didn't see any rush to get it over here. I did another internal giggle remembering the day he asked me if I wanted him to bring my bed over. The _no sleep_ thing was a big shocker to him, but again he shrugged it off saying, "Good, I'll know who to call to bring me coffee when I'm doing an overnight stakeout." I rolled my eyes at the memory. Yeah there were heavy stakeout nights in Forks.

I was suddenly resolved to go back to the mall today. It was raining so the sun wasn't a problem, but I knew Alice was otherwise occupied, and I didn't want to bother her. I headed downstairs where I found Emmett still sitting in front of the flat screen.

_Here goes nothing._

"Hey Emmett, would you mind helping me out with something today?"

"Well that sure fucking depends." He didn't look up from the show. Joey and Chandler were in their recliners watching tv._ Really Emmett, reruns?_

"Well I can see you seem to have your hands full, but I really need to go to the mall, and Carlisle still doesn't want me out in public within close proximity of so many people without support... so I was hoping you could go with me." I waited for his reaction.

"The mall? Weren't you just there yesterday?" he asked suspiciously with a whiney tone.

_Oh crap._ I definitely did not feel like explaining this to him.

"Yeah, but I need to go back for something."

He smirked. "Another flannel for Charlie?"

_Funny Emmett resurfaces._ How can I get him to stay with me?

"C'monnnnnnnnnnn, please?" I begged and then dangled the biggest carrot I knew I had, "I'll let you drive my car."

_Please let that be enough._

His eyes gleamed. I knew he loved my car. "Okay sure. Lemme go change into my best mallrat clothes in case I run into Jay and Silent Bob."

"You do that!" I laughed.

Carlisle had bought me a 1966 completely redone red mustang with a refurbished 289 engine- _or maybe it is a 389, what do I know about cars_-from a small business during his last trip to Alaska to visit the Denali clan. Charlie's eyes took a good ten minutes to retract back into his head the first time he saw me in it just as he had walked up to the driver side door and leaned his head down to ask for my license and registration. I grinned widely remembering the expression of shock on his face at that very moment. I still haven't paid the good Town of Forks for that ticket-I never will either. Charlie was just trying to exercise some latent parental control, especially after I tried to bribe him when I said, "Good day, Officer Swan, like my car? I'll let you borrow it someday." I had winked at him and grinned more smugly than I had ever done so before with my dad.

Emmett and I sped away from the house in my mustang, which he affectionately referred to as "the cherry bomb." I still planned to confront him and ask him what his problem was. I guess now was going to have to be the right time.

"Emmett, can you help me out with something?" I figured this was a good approach, as the family made it clear they were all here to support and help me as long as my choice was to live amongst their rules and peaceful ways.

"With something else? You're turning into one fuckin' needy newbie, ya know that? Okay. Hit me with it," he said reluctantly.

"What is going on with us?" I phrased the question that way not wanting to be accusatory of just him and hoping he would have little reaction. He reacted!

"_Us_? There's an 'us' now? When did this happen?"

I shot back, "Y-yeah! _Us_! As in YOU and ME. The only two vegetarian, undead, super-strong, blood-drinking, leechlike, cold ones sitting in this car!"

He ran his fingers through his brown hair that was just starting to grow out and rubbed his right temple.

"Did I do something? I mean I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you and the rest have done for me, but something feels different about us." I was calmer now.

"Bella, there is no 'us,'" he protested.

"Why do you keep saying that?" I felt like I was pleading.

"Jesus, now I think _I_ need a cigarette!" he snapped.

"FINE! And so do I!" I yelled back.

I pulled the cigarettes and lighter out of my purse. I put the first cigarette in my mouth, lit it, and then held it out for him while I continued on to light the next one for me. There's that twinge again-that feeling fully trickling down through me. Thank goodness Jasper isn't here to pick up on it again.

Emmett hadn't taken the cigarette from my hand yet. I gently shook it in a silent attempt to say, _"Here, take it_." He was just staring at me like I had two heads… and fangs. What the fuck?

"What now? I thought you wanted a cigarette," I asked annoyed.

"Yeah, but I could have lit my own. Jesus Bella, I'm not your boyfriend!" he shouted.

"Well sor-_ry_…I didn't realize I brought cooties over when I became like you!" _Unfreakinbelievable._

"You're not _like_ me…you're, you're just one of our kind now," Emmett returned quickly.

"This is exactly what I mean! Why is everything so complicated with us, no sorry not _us_." I used my air quotes and continued, "I mean you- Emmett, and I-Bella,…what changed three months ago?"

I was agitated and exhaled my next drag with so much force and irritation just as he turned to look at me—the smoke cloud going forcefully into his face.

"Holy fuck Bella! Did you just blow smoke in my face?" _Oh man this was definitely not funny Emmett._

"NO! I mean I guess it landed there but I didn't mean to. Why are you so jumpy?" I shouted out of pure frustration. Damn it. It was five times easier to overpower a mountain lion than it seemed to be to have this conversation with Emmett.

By this time we were parked at the mall. We both sat there putting out our butts in silence.

"Look Emmett," I started more calmly, "I feel like there is something I'm missing with you and it is screwing everything up for me."

He was silent for another minute. "Bella I don't want to hurt your feelings but…"

"Hurt my feelings over what? What happened? Just tell me what I did and I can try to make it right, but I can't do that unless I know." I was back to begging.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a breath. "A few months ago I overheard Carlisle telling Esme something about me meaning to you what he meant to Esme. And I'm sorry Bella but I just don't feel that way about you. I guess I could have that summer after you started hanging around with Alice but then we became friends and that's really all we should be." He finally looked up at me.

I sat there bewildered for a minute. Then I realized what he thought. I gave myself a big ole internal grin. I was about to get Emmett by the balls for every trick he had ever played on me, every bet he had ever made against me, and every joke he had ever made at my expense.

"You mean…you don't…you don't _want_ me?" I whispered softly giving him agonized eyes.

"No Bella, not like that. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry if I haven't known exactly how to act around you recently," he said.

"But Alice said…" I started.

"Alice? What did she say?" he asked surprised.

"It's nothing," I whispered.

"No Bella, tell me. I really am sorry that I don't return your feelings in that way," he pressed.

I leaned in and whispered again, "Alice said she saw us…together. She said we belonged together like Ross and Rachel, Chandler and Monica. We are to be married. Happy. And in love. _Forever_."

His jaw dropped. "SHE SAW WHAT?" He squirmed and gulped, "In … what?"

I whispered back, "Forever and ever." I tried to look dreamily into his eyes. His face was plastered in a pose of shock and someone's got- me-by-the-balls confusion. I let it settle with him a few minutes. My voice shifted. "Wanna know what else she said?"

He moaned. "Oh Jesus, there's more?"

"Yeah, she also said you're one big raving gullible lunatic."

With that I couldn't contain myself anymore and I broke out into hysterical laughter. He looked at me trying to figure out what was the truth now.

"Em, I'm sorry I had no idea! You thought I had some secret agenda to make you mine?" I laughed more as he glared at me. "Look, whatever you heard Carlisle say that day was definitely based on HIS thoughts, not mine. You are like the big brother I never had. I depend on you for being who you are and I get mad at you for teasing the heck out of me, but I'm not in love with you."

"You're not?" he asked. I shook my head. He passed the back of his hand across his forehead and mouthed "Whew!" in relief.

"You're sure, right? Because I surely can't read minds. I need to work with the spoken truth here and not pixie visions," he said as he put both of his hands out in the hair palms down.

"Honest to bits and pieces." I laughed wholeheartedly, feeling relieved. "Now can we please go back to normal?"

"You got it, Bluebells!" _He hadn't called me that in a while._

We got out of the car—opening the door felt good, like we were finally clearing the air between us-and he scooped me up into a big cuddly hug before we walked toward the mall.

"Hey Em…what was it about the summer after I graduated that made you think _maybe _about me?"

He stopped in the middle of the parking lot and looked at me, brushing a loose tendril of my long wavy brown hair back behind my ear. "You were a blonde then," he grinned. _Oh that's right. I had been._

We walked through the mall aimlessly for about forty-five minutes. I was lost in thought. I _had_ been blond junior and senior years of high school until Alice kidnapped me one day before I went away to college and told me it was time to ditch the Phoebe look if I wanted to be taken seriously as a pre-med major. She was teasing of course. She just thought that going back to my natural brunette before college would lessen the maintenance.

My hands flew to my cheekbones. Did I look so different now that I might be unrecognizable from those years? I hadn't even considered that.

Emmett interrupted my thought. "Seriously Bella, what are we looking for here? We are just wandering in and out, up and down."

"First of all, there is no "we," I said teasing him. He looked at me disapprovingly. "I don't know-it was just something I thought I heard here yesterday." Suddenly I was distracted. "Mmmmmmm, smell that?"

Emmett went into protective mode grabbing hold of my left forearm. I thought he was going to throw me over his shoulder and dash out with me.

"Coffee….aaaaaaaahhhh." I sighed. He laughed and let go of me realizing I was okay.

"Wow I could stand here all day and breathe this in." I grinned. "Emmett, can you force a mountain lion to drink coffee before I drain him?"

"Sure. Can you force a grizzly to drink a bottle of Jack Daniels for me?" he replied. "Can we go now?"

"I suppose, that is if you are done checking out the blondes?" I teased him again. I was acutely aware of his scanning within the mall, even if the blondes were not.

He laughed. "C'mon Bluebells, I'll let you light me a cigarette to smoke in your car as I drive us home." _I knew he liked my car._ Hopefully funny Emmett was back to stay.

We were pulling out of the parking lot stuck at the light waiting to make a left out onto the main road. Some traffic laws we had to obey. There was one gold sedan in front of us and a huge white cargo van behind us blocking the view behind it. There were three cars beside us in the lane that veered off to make a right.

Emmett had the radio cranked up so loud I almost missed it, despite my new keen sense of hearing.

_Thump da dum, thump da dum _

I looked around. To my right the cars were making rights and speeding away but I could still hear it. Do I tell Emmett? Or will he think I'm crazy like hearing voices in your head type crazy?

I couldn't see any of the cars lined up behind us beyond the big white cargo van. The light was still red. _Don't change yet. Don't change yet._ I listened. _Thump da dum, thump da dum_

People were chattering away in the surrounding cars, either to each other or talking on cell phones. I closed my eyes and tried to sort through them. Ugh I can't concentrate over Emmett singing like that to a stupid Pearl Jam song!

I picked up pieces of conversations….

~"Hi honey we are just leaving the mall now. We'll pick up some food on the way home..."

~"Mom…can I have a sleepover next week? No! But I want to invite my friends over.."

~"Well sorry we didn't find anything here, we'll have to go to Seattle next week and try there…."

_~Thump da dum_ "Hey it's me…Yeah I've been sitting in my car for a bit. I've got a manila folder three inches thick to go through so we'll see if two days' worth of sitting in Starbucks in a mall pans out. [_Pause_] I don't know what his deal was yesterday that he never showed. He didn't say. [_Pause_] Yeah I'm off to the park now for the meeting. I'll call to let you know how it goes. [_Pause_] **Turn right at 0.1 mile**. [_Chuckling_] As a matter of fact, I did. Just briefly in the parking lot. And if yesterday's word was _gorgeous_. Today's word is _unavailable_. [_Pause_] Yeah, well two out of three isn't bad for this trip, I suppose. Yep. Will do. [_Click_]

_Thump da dum thump da dum thump da dum thump da dum_

Holy shit! _That's it!_ That's him!

"Emmett!" I yelled with excitement. He continued singing.

The light turned green and Emmett was making the left onto the main road. I opened my eyes and was struggling to look in front of me, behind me, to the left, to the right. I turned my head and caught just the back of a navy blue shiny car with four circles on it, tinted windows, and an Illinois license plate. It must have whipped out from right behind the white van and was making a right headed the opposite direction of Forks.

I panicked. I didn't know if I should make Emmett turn around and follow the car or not.

I listened as the _thump da dum,_ _thump da dum_ got further and further away so quickly. What a speed demon he must be!

Emmett was still singing…loudly.

* * *

><p>AN: I know, I know, you want to find out what is so special about this heartbeat. Getting there, but in the meantime, we need to find out more about Bella.


	5. South Park

A/N: Graphic scene ahead. fyi: There's no point to Twilight and the fanfictions I write without Edward for me. Hope that answers one reviewers question. :)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all! The whole kit and caboodle. She just lets us borrow it.

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><p>CHAPTER 5: <span>South Park<span>

I asked Emmett to drop me off at Charlie's on the way home. I never said a word to him about the car I saw or the conversation I had heard from the voice that matched the heartbeat. He didn't mention hearing anything peculiar so I figured that just as it had been yesterday with Alice, it was probably just me.

Charlie wasn't home so I let myself in and went up to my _old _room. It was dark and cool compared to my _new _room. Charlie had yet to do anything with it. I plopped down in my desk chair and automatically felt my hand reaching down for the large third drawer at the bottom right… Did I want to go there right now? No, I need to stay focused on this pulsing heartbeat mystery. I pulled a pen and notepad out of the top middle drawer because I was going to do what I did best, I was going to document. First I wrote down the conversation I had overheard, even though I had it memorized. I glanced over at my alarm clock. Charlie had wondered why I hadn't taken it with me, but vampires have an uncanny ability to know what time it is throughout the day and night. It was an ability yet to be explained to me. It was only 10:30 am. The voice said he had a meeting at the park today. Who meets in a park? Divorced parents pass their kids back and forth in the park. Casual first dates? Tree planting ceremony? Drug deal? I heard him say he had a manila envelope. Maybe he's a bounty hunter?

Fuck my life! What did it matter?

I didn't recognize the voice, though it was confident and commanding. I didn't recognize the heartbeat, just the irregularity of it. It was far too slow. Maybe Carlisle was right and I'm just attuning to human conditions. But why wasn't I picking up anyone else's medical oddities? Surely he wasn't the only person in the mall with a heart condition, or any medical condition for that matter. I gasped realizing it was _a him _after all.

I peeked outside and saw how cloudy it was. One graceful bound out the window and I was off running to the Port Angeles Park. Maybe I was supposed to warn him. As I ran through the woods I thought maybe I just needed to see his face and then I could... Crap, could what? Recognize him? Possibly I would know him? Did I know him from somewhere? If not, maybe I could just warn him? Do you just approach a total stranger and let them know they have a problem with their heart and direct them to see their doctor as soon as possible? Would it seem better if I had a cardiologist's business card to hand him? As I ran, this plan seemed more and more asinine.

I guess I'm just out for a midmorning jog.

As I reached the park I looked around and listened for the sounds I knew to be there and scanned for his voice. I leisurely walked around from the children's play area to the BBQ and picnic tables to the small lake. I took one of the main trails from beginning to end, nodding hello to people who were out jogging or riding bikes as I passed them.

Yup, just out for a casual midmorning stroll, Bella. I rolled my eyes at myself.

I circled back heading over a bridge that crossed a small stream, pretending not to notice how the fish swam away, the birds flew the opposite direction chirping in warning, and even the insects sought cover as they buzzed away from me. I frowned knowing how aware I was of my surroundings, and I hated the way wildlife avoided me—how unnatural I was amongst nature. Even Charlie knew that bringing me fishing with him these days would seriously hurt his chances of catching the big windfall, so he never asked me to go with him anymore. Not that it had been a favorite pastime of mine anyway, but as far as spending time together with Charlie I was willing to go to different fishing spots with him over the years. I would put my best effort in but was more content to be sitting outside reading a book than to be worried about the catch of the day. Fishing had become just a comfortable activity Charlie and I could spend time doing together in almost complete silence.

Fishing. I haven't been fishing with Charlie in seven months.

I sat down on a bench along a gravel path and watched the other people in the park living out their lives and reminding myself that I shouldn't be here right now—I should be in school working on my degree in medicine. I would be in school had I not gone fishing with Charlie that day.

x~x~x

Seven months back, I had been home on spring break when Charlie coaxed me into going fishing with him at a new spot further outside of town. It was only a small lake just on the outskirts of the woods, but it was far enough off the beaten path from town that it felt like we couldn't have been far from Alice's house. It was a bright, unusually sunny day making for a calm, relaxing Sunday. I had just finished reading through one of my books for school. Charlie was having a relatively successful day. The most excitement he ever showed was when he caught a fish, no matter how small, topping only slightly his enthusiasm over sports. I told him I was going to take a walk along the edge of the woods to look for wildflowers. My mother had started a book of pressed wildflowers years ago that she left in Forks when she split from Charlie. Charlie had kept it and given it to me when I moved in with him in high school, encouraging me to add to it. It was a nice way to make me feel connected to the days Renee had spent in Forks years earlier.

I had been happily walking just along the edge of the woods enjoying the warmth of the sun when I stopped abruptly because I spotted an unusual red drooping flower a few steps into the brush. A few feet further in there were three more of this delicate crimson flower that I had never seen before in my life. I paused, bending down to examine these fragile deep red blooms. I plucked one, brought it up to my nose and took a deep breath. It smelled sweet and musky at the same time.

That is when it happened. There was an excessive force upon me, coming up from behind me. I was suddenly being forced down so hard to the ground, hitting my head on a rock on the way down. My lip was cut, my right eye was sore and I was pushing blood down from a cut above my left eye. I felt mind numbing pain and my vision blurred as my body was dragged across the floor of grass and dirt.

I was still grasping my freshly picked flower, in the hand that moved up stop the pain in my head when I realized I was also being attacked. My clothes were being ripped and now my body was turned with me on my back looking up but not being able to see anything, only trying to squint through the bright glare of the sun's rays.

So much sun. So much heat. Too much of both.

My arms were forced down against the squishy moss. My attacker was forcing himself on me. I screamed, "No! Get off of me." He was crushing my bones with his weight and tearing me with his force. He was solid and strong and no matter how hard I fought I was getting nowhere. He continued to pin my arms back. My knees felt like they had bricks on them and wouldn't move.

"Dad, help me. DAD! DAD!"

My attacker laughed, darkly.

He grunted in release and suddenly I felt my entire body shaking, shaking so uncontrollably through my chest and all the way down into my calves lleaving searing pain across my face, across my chest, across my stomach, across my arms, across my legs, across my head. I was drifting into unconsciousness when I realized in a split second that the shaking had stopped just before the searing pain began. Snarling pain. Growling pain. And the feeling of warmth oozing down all over my limp body.

There was a loud bang and an almost simultaneous whimper. Then another loud bang. More whimpering.

"Bella, BELLA! Oh God what did it do to you? God no! Shit! How could this have happened?"

I felt my father over me frantically trying to pat me with something. Then he lifted me up, carrying me. "Dad… I'm…. " I felt pain and whooshing air mixed in with the pain.

I was dying.

I felt us moving, flying forward against tingling air. "Oh NO, _NO_, NO, not out here…we are too far away, oh damn it Bella they'll never find us. I'll never make it to the hospital in time. I can't even see with all this goddamn sun glare today! Just you hold on, baby, you hear me?"

Then beeping…

"This is Chief Swan, is Dr. Cullen in today? Yeah, I didn't think so. Good thanks." Charlie had laid me in the back of the cruiser and checked for a pulse.

I was spitting up blood. I could taste and smell it—rust and salt. Within minutes Charlie was parked and carrying me out of the car…then frantically knocking.

"Carlisle, please, please you have to let us in and help us. Carlisle I know you are home."

The door opened and I was carried inside greeted with a demanding, "What happened?"

"She was attacked in the woods. I didn't think an ambulance could even find us. Please Carlisle can you save her?"

"Come this way," Carlisle said calmly, and I felt my body being carried upstairs.

"Bella! Oh my gosh, BELLA, what happened? Oh god, the blood. Carlisle?" It was Alice. I felt a cold hand in my hand as I was laid out on a cool metal surface.

"Alice! Step back!" Carlisle chided.

Charlie was over me. "C'mon kid, just hold on."

"Oh God, there's so much blood. Is someone going to tell me what happened?" Alice begged.

Carlisle called out, "Here take these, Alice. Emmett I need you up here with towels."

Cool hands traveled all along my body. I flinched and tried to scream out in pain but the words were trapped. My voice was gone. Stolen.

Carlisle spoke, "Bella, can you hear me?" There was no answer I could give. "Charlie, her wounds are too deep, several bones crushed, her heartbeat and pulse are trace. I'm sorry all I can do is give her morphine to make her comfortable. I'm so sorry Bella."

"Oh goddamn it! What happened to her? Here you go…_Whoa! _There's just SO much blood everywhere!" It was Emmett's voice.

"Thank you for the towels Emmett. I'll take care of the blood. You can go. Best to take Alice with you." Carlisle remained collected in his demeanor.

"No!" cried Alice. "Oh Esme look, it's Bella! Look what happened to her." Esme gasped at the sight but had apparently remained in the doorway that day.

Charlie wasn't giving up on me. "There's got to be more you can do Carlisle. Should we drive her to the hospital? Should we call an ambulance?"

"I'm sorry Charlie she only has a short time remaining. It is best if you said your goodbyes." Carlisle said calmly.

"DAMN IT CARLISLE! You need to do more! I'm not going to let her die!" Charlie screamed.

Things fell silent, but I could still feel Charlie's presence over me.

Charlie leaned back from hovering over me. "Look I know there is something different about your family. I don't claim to know what but just respect it for what it is because I know you are good people. But if there is some way, anyway, any tiny thread of possibility for you to save my daughter then I want you to do it damn it and do it now! No questions asked."

"How did this happen?" Esme demanded.

"She went for a walk and I found her being attacked by some animal. I fired my gun and it ran off."

"Please Charlie," Carlisle stammered, "I know this must be a shock to you but…"

"Can you save Bella or not?" Charlie demanded in a raised, hurried voice.

"Not the way you think I can," Carlisle replied.

"Fine, get out of the way I'll drive her to the hospital myself and they'll save her," Charlie blurted out.

I gurgled some blood as I felt sensation under my lower back.

Carlisle replied, "I'm sorry Charlie, but you know she'll never make it there. You wouldn't have brought her here if you thought so otherwise."

Alice reappeared to plead Charlie's case. "Carlisle you have to do it, please don't let her die. She is my best friend. You know we can all help her get through it. We'll try the cocktail—it'll work. She'll make it through. I know she will."

Alice has since told me that she has never seen Carlisle and Esme look at each other with such confliction as they did that day. Carlisle full of torment, Esme full of questions. But it was Esme who gave the nod to Carlisle apparently supporting the choice the teetered before him at that moment.

"She's been so dear to us—I'd rather see her become one of us than lost to us all, Carlisle," Esme offered.

Charlie persisted, "I'll do whatever it takes if you'll save her."

Emmett's voice of reason rang out loudly. "What about the treaty? We'll all have to leave or be under attack for breaking the treaty."

Carlisle started to respond, "Yes Emmett, I realize. Charlie, what you must be willing to do you won't like. She won't be able to live with you. She'll have to stay here with us or possibly move away."

Calmer now, Charlie pleaded, "But she'll be okay? And she'll be Bella? And you'll take care of her? She'll have a chance at a life?"

"Yes, of course but you must know…." Esme responded.

Charlie's tone was desperate and impatient. "Just stop right there. I don't care and this is wasting time. I don't care about ANY of it as long as you can save my baby girl."

"Fine then, Esme, you and Alice take Charlie downstairs with Emmett and stay there until I come down." Carlisle commanded.

"Hold on kid, you hear me? You hang in there kid." Those were Charlie's last words to his human daughter.

_Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click_.

Three days later I awoke in my new home, with my new family, to my new life-never to have the need to awaken again.

I had woken up confused—amazingly confused after three days of agonizing pain and burning. Those three days gave new meaning to me being a suffer in silence type, but when it finally passed, like a fever that broke, I felt renewed. Alice's smiling face with large amber eyes that shimmered in a way I never realized before was the first thing I saw. She greeted me claiming we were sisters now as I sat up and looked around incredulously trying to figure out where I was and why I was there.

Esme and Carlisle approached me next, welcoming me and saying I was now more a member of the family than I had ever been. I heard the loud boom of Emmett's voice and he entered the room with a big kid grin, holding out a thermos to me.

"Thirsty Bluebells? Here ya go! Chug this down. It's made with my favorite. Consider yourself extremely lucky I was willing to spare some for you." I took the thermos from him and drank from it feeling the thick fluid ooze down my throat, coating little sparks along the way. My throat felt like one of those sparklers we used to set off on the Fourth of July and the liquid was chasing the sparks all the way down.

I spent two weeks within the walls of the Cullen house drinking blood from a thermos before they explained to me what had happened. During those two weeks Carlisle had given me my first journal and asked me to record anything I could remember. At that time, there were things that I could remember clearly from my past, but Alice worked with me to piece together what happened the day of the fishing trip.

During this time I was learning about my transformation. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper each took turns giving me some information about what my new life would entail—the advantages and disadvantages. But every time I asked "Why?" and "What was the cause?" they kept telling me they were still working the details out.

Emmett's explanation was the most colorful. One day Emmett took a stab at trying to explain things to me in his language. "You know how Kenny dies in every episode of South Park but never really dies?"

"Yeah, I guess," I replied.

"Well Bluebells, that's gonna be you now. Pretty much indestructible. Oh, and little known fact, Kenny's a vampire."

Typical Emmett. My only solace came when Alice assured me that Charlie knew where I was and that I was okay. When I asked if I could go home and see him, Carlisle told me we had to backburner that thought for now but encouraged me that Charlie was expecting to hear from me. My new ears kept hearing conversations about wolves, a treaty, and complications. I didn't know what was involved, but I welcomed my first chance to call Charlie.

"Hello?" Charlie answered.

"Dad?" My voice nearly sang now and was unfamiliar to my own ears. Would he recognize me?

"Bells! Bella thank goodness! You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice."

"You know it's me? Dad? What happened?"

"Bella, of course. Carlisle told me to expect several changes. I'm so sorry. It was the only way. You were going to die. I loved you too much to let that happen. I don't know if this was the right choice but it felt like the only choice. Do you understand? Can you forgive me for not wanting to lose you? For not being ready to let you go?"

A normally stoic Charlie was again full of desperation and vulnerability.

"But Dad…what happened? Why would they need to?" I asked knowing Carlisle could probably hear me but apparently Charlie had already been coached.

"Listen Bells, when the time is right the Cullens will explain everything. Do you feel okay?"

"Yes. More than okay. I feel terrific."

"Good. And what about the scars," he whispered with a twinge of guilt, "on your face?"

"What scars on my face?" I asked. Alice had forced me to look in the mirror at myself often since I woke up but I hadn't seen any scars.

Charlie gasped loudly. "Bells, I begged Carlisle to help us because I love you and couldn't bear to lose you. Do whatever they tell you and I'll see you real soon. They promised me this could all work out."

I reminded myself how the Cullens had taken turns educating me about what my new life would encompass—the diet, the importance of self-control, the secret, the hunting, the pretense, the camouflage, the strength, the heightened senses, my immortality, and the Volturi.

One night all of the Cullens took me out hunting for the first time. I crouched and growled, scanning the woods for my prey before gracefully taking out two large elk within minutes, draining them dry. I shook my heading in reaction to what a completely different taste they had compared to what I had been given in the thermos. My new family looked at me in anticipation of my reaction.

"Well it's warmer but definitely not as good as what you guys have been bringing me in the thermos."

Emmett laughed, "Yeah well you were getting the newborn cocktail."

"And what was that?"

"Would you believe _Mountain Lion Dew_?" Emmett smirked. I raised an eyebrow toward him. "Okay, okay, initially one part grizzly bear, two parts O negative." He giggled to himself in amusement. "But we've been weaning you off the O negative and varying the animal source. You are closer to two parts animal blood and one part O negative."

"Well not just O negative," Alice chirped.

"Yes, well Alice, we don't need to overwhelm Bella with all the particulars at this moment. Bella, you were so gravely wounded I thought it best for you to have some human blood in the beginning to support the venom for reparable needs." Carlisle spoke clinically.

I felt my face remembering Charlie's question about scars. It felt smooth. I couldn't feel any scars-not even any little annoying acne scars that had settled on my chin or the old chicken pox scar that used to be above my right temple.

Esme assured me, "The mix of the venom and blood has healed everything. Trust me when I tell you, you are astonishingly pretty. Isn't she Emmett?"

Emmett was caught off guard, "Mmmkay. Yeah sure, but I think I'll miss seeing your cheeks go all rosy like they used to when I embarrassed you."

Yeah well I won't miss blushing at all the crazy stuff Emmett liked to say to me. I felt embarrassed thinking about that.

Jasper must have sensed it. Suddenly I felt a little more encouraged to be serious.

Jasper took on his military persona. "Bella, we need to go to a meeting of sorts. It is going to be revealing to you and probably disturbing. We are going to need you to be strong in your determination to get through it but also strong enough to resist getting too angry and lashing out. I'll be there to help you but you also need to let me—don't fight my influence. Can you handle that?"

"I-I-…I don't know. You'll help me?"

Jasper nodded. "We will all be right by your side. It will be difficult, but we need to resolve some things tonight."

Carlisle proceeded to explain the werewolves from the Quileute tribe and the treaty that had existed for years between the tribe and the Cullens. I suddenly understood that saving me meant the Cullens had broken the treaty. _Why would they do that for me, _I wondered.

As we continued through the forest I made a newborn glutton out of myself trying various animals I came into contact with all the while worried that somehow the Cullens were going to have to answer to someone for changing me. They were going to be in trouble or taking the heat. How could I have been worth it? At one point I turned to Carlisle and asked, "Are we going tonight to answer to the Volturi?"

Carlisle chuckled. "No, it is not quite that dire of a situation. Tonight we are meeting with the wolves. Compared to the Volturi, this should be a walk in the park."

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><p>AN: The chapter ends in Bella's memories, but she is still sitting by herself on the bench at the Port Angeles Park. We'll get to the heartbeat, but in the meantime, we needed some backstory on Bella. Can't move forward until you know where you've been.

**Thank you for the extra emails regarding this story from mah gurls that are trying to figure this story out! I 3 you BIGTIME!


	6. Law & Order

**A/N: Even though the last chapter ended with Bella describing the events leading up to her being changed, she is still sitting on a bench in the park having gone there to find four-circle car guy. Thanks to my **_cheering __squad. _

*****Mature content inferred in this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me. I own playdoh.**

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><p>CHAPTER 6: <span>Law &amp; Order<span>

An older woman with a cane sat down next to me on the park bench. She smiled sweetly. I looked at the wrinkles on her face and smiled back for the first time realizing how she reminded me of Gran and then thinking how I was not ever going to wear the signs of aging on my face. Another big ole internal giggle. I thought about my unsupervised close proximity to the woman. We were outside so her scent was muted. She held little appeal in terms of my thirst, perhaps the slower pulsing of the blood through the veins of an elderly woman was the cause for that—there was less vitality and nourishment emanating. Still, I decided I should get up and walk away. I nodded and smiled to her silently wishing her a nice day.

_A meeting in the park._ I was back to this conversation wasn't I?

Was I even in the right park? Who knew? I had to just give up and forget about the heartbeat…..

_Or..._ I could concentrate really harder on it. I can't decide.

Could I work with my new super hearing to listen far range? I'd have to ask Emmett to help in training my new ears to get them to work for me as well as I would need. That guy could hear grizzly bears miles away or smell them - or a combination of both. I closed my eyes and began to wonder what my four-circle car guy smelled liked.

_Mmmmmmm_…_Drakkar_, I thought.

Where did that come from? Do guys even wear that anymore? Well it used to be my favorite scent on a guy. I had even given Eric Yorkie a bottle of it to wear, which probably was not fair if he only knew why I liked it.

I was off the bench and walking back down the trail headed toward the forest. It was still early enough in the day that I thought I would head back to Charlie's and cook some dinner to leave on the stove for him.

As I ran I crossed out of Port Angeles and by the treaty line reaching the boundary of the reservation and Forks. My mind raced back to the night we had a meeting with the wolves, right in this very spot. It was like a supernatural episode of _Law & Order _complete with an interrogation of a crime and pending verdict. The only thing missing was that annoying sound the show makes.

It was the first time I met the wolves and even learned of their existence—they were accompanied by Sue Clearwater and Billy Black, the Quileute super couple-two people who were friends with my dad, and I therefore had known them since moving back to Forks. They had married only shortly before I returned to Forks, a second marriage for each. Charlie had gone to their wedding.

Sue and Billy glared at me as I approached that night, looking like they were both horrified and amazed. But the sight of them had me just as horrified and amazed that they were part of this world. Despite their proximity, their scents were both very unappealing to me. _Thankfully_.

Carlisle nodded to them in acknowledgment.

Billy started, "Does she know?" Carlisle shook his head _no_ very calmly. Billy hung his head down, almost in shame.

Sue questioned, "Her wounds?"

Carlisle explained, "Our venom works in such a way that all traces of the attack have been repaired, essentially erased. But I've brought the pictures with me."

Carlisle reached into his inside coat pocket and showed the pictures to Sue. Sue gasped in horror covering her mouth and looking back and forth between me and the pictures.

There were pictures? Oh, I remembered now. _Click, click_.

"Has Charlie seen her?" Billy asked.

"Not yet, but she's very well under control and will be schooled in our peaceful ways, of course, so it should be soon."

Billy took a step toward me with his hands out. Emmett took a step closer to me in a fraction of a second. I suddenly heard growls as two wolves approached from the cloak of the forest. Billy spewed back at them, "Easy!"

Emmett was staunch, inflating his chest. "The treaty is broken—call off the dogs!"

The treaty was broken because of me, because Carlisle made the decision to change me. What was going to happen now? How could I fix this?

Billy continued, "Bella, I've known you since you were a baby. I would have never ever wanted this for you…or Charlie."

"Thank you Billy. Obviously I wouldn't have chosen this either, but I'm told it was necessary, but I still don't know why."

Emmett stood with his arms crossed and demanded from them, "Tell her!"

Sue asked, "What does she remember?"

Carlisle answered, "Nothing so far. Shall I explain it to her?"

Billy interjected, "No…I'll do it. I'll tell her."

I stood there that day knowing I didn't remember exactly what had happened leading up to Charlie bringing me to the Cullens that day other than that we had been fishing.

"Bella," Billy choked, "the wolves are protectors of the reservation - of our people - but they are no more than young boys who have been called upon by the great spirit of our ancestors to transform into something for the greater good of our culture."

I was stunned trying to understand what he was telling me. "What? Really? Like real boys?"

Sue cleared her throat loudly.

"Yes, and one girl," said Billy, "most you probably even know." He motioned toward the emerging wolves, "Sam Uley, Quil, Emery, Seth and Leah." The five wolves in the front nodded lightly acknowledging their names.

I stood there in a deeper shock as my recognition of the names grew. And my realization as to why Sue Clearwater stood here—both of her children were wolves and she was entwined in the legacy. And Billy, Charlie had always told me, was one of the tribe's elders.

Billy continued, "Most of the transformations go seamlessly but something went wrong with one of the wolves—too much testosterone got caught up in the mutation. He got out of control, and we're very sorry he attacked you." Then he started to sob into his hands.

I started to have flashbacks to the day. I was clutching a red flower in my hand. "I remember…I remember… that I was crying so hard I was shaking uncontrollably."

Alice stepped up, "No Bella that wasn't you." She turned to Billy. "Was it Billy?"

"No, that was him phasing while he was on top of you. The wolves all saw it - they can read each other's minds in the wolf form-they saw what Jacob was doing to you and were trying to stop him. They were on their way to help control Jacob," Billy sobbed.

"JACOB?" I shrieked back in horror.

Alice continued, "Yes Jacob Black attacked you, assaulted you, and then phased over you, mauling you so violently that it should have caused your death."

I dropped to my knees. "Why? Why would he do that to me?"

Billy continued to sob. Sue stepped in, "Bella, Jacob shouldn't have done it—we aren't about that—he was consumed by the chemical reactions going on within his body. We thought things were under better control with a medication he was taking, but we believe he stopped taking it at some point."

I quickly thought back to that summer after Eric and I had broken up and how smug Jacob had been and how I tried to avoid him since then because I just wanted to avoid confrontation and any more of his advances. I was weak then, meager and fragile. But now my physical strength fortified me. Fury built up within me. How dare he! How could he? To me? How could he treat me like that after years of knowing me and Charlie? How could he so blatantly attack and disrespect me?

Then it hit me…Jacob Black was the reason it was necessary for Charlie to bring me to the Cullens to be changed into a life of immortality, ruining my path in life. God damn him!

I lashed out, "Where is he? I'm gonna pay him back! I don't care if he is a wolf or Jacob I swear I'm going to…"

Sue looked to Carlisle to intervene. "Whoa, the treaty…"

Emmett snapped. "Exactly what part of your wolf attacking and leaving a human to die upholds ANY treaty? And you're worried about us hurting humans? He may not have sought to drink her blood, but he sure shed enough of it."

_So I wasn't the reason the treaty was broken?_

"Where is he?" I demanded this time. I looked at all the wolves. "Coward! Come out! Which one is he? I want you to face me and tell me why you did this to me! I want you to tell me right now!" I meant to snap off a few branches and hurl them toward the wolves but ended up uprooting a tree and spearing it across the way.

The wolves snarled and sneered, bearing their teeth. Billy held up his hand to the wolves again to wave them down. "Bella, Jacob is not here. He's gone. He's…dead." Again he dropped his face back into his hands.

I was still furious but then felt a wave of calmness ease over me. Jasper was right behind me now, placing his hand on my left shoulder. I remembered what he said about having to handle this situation.

"What? How did he…"

"It was Charlie. He shot him twice in his wolf form," Sue spoke quietly.

_Bang. Bang._ I remembered the sound now.

I heard myself gasp again. I froze and let Jasper crutch my emotions. "Does he know?" I whispered. No one answered. I repeated myself, louder. "I said, Does...He…Know?"

Sue and Billy shook their heads no.

"You can't tell him. He didn't mean it. He was just trying to protect me. It will crush him. Do you understand? Charlie can never know!" I begged and demanded their cooperation at the same time.

It was quiet. Jasper stepped back, and Carlisle came up and put his arm around me in comfort.

Sue broke the silence. "We are sorry Bella. We were trying to facilitate things better for him. He was getting out of control but the pack had been monitoring him. We think he was specifically attracted to you, and he took advantage of his strength. The role of the wolf is protector of our people, our land, our legacy. Violating women is not condoned. Please know that."

Then she turned to Carlisle. "But know you broke the treaty, and there will be consequences."

Emmett wasn't backing down about the treaty. "You can go howl at the fucking moon lady!"

Carlisle stepped in and retorted more calmly. "Emmett, I'll handle this. Yes, we broke the treaty based on the actions of your wolf in an attempt to save Bella's life. What if you had had that option with Jacob? If it had been Billy who brought Jacob to us barely alive pleading for a way to save his life?"

Billy gasped. Would his love as a parent have overcome his dislike for us if he had the opportunity to allow Jacob to become one of us, saving him? Sue and Billy whispered aside for a moment.

"Based on the circumstance of our shortcomings and this being Bella, we are willing to come to some arrangement and renegotiate," Sue announced.

Thanks to Jasper, I was a bit calmer now and looked to Billy with sympathy. "Billy, I'm very sorry for your loss."

But the sympathy was fleeting, and the rage began to rise again. "I still don't want Charlie to know about what Jacob did to me or that he killed him. Let that be the basis of the new treaty," I spat, throwing my hands up in the air and then turning to run away disgusted. Jasper and Alice caught up to me in the clearing.

"Bella are you okay?" Alice asked.

"NO!" the fury, full blown, resurfaced. I yelled, "I can't believe he did that to me! Jacob Black of all people! I feel so…I don't know what I feel. I had known him for so long—trusted him, shared stuff with him. We were friends. More than friends, like family. There was nothing worse he could have done to me."

Jasper answered, "Bella it doesn't excuse what he did, but you heard them. There was something that went wrong within Jacob as a result of him transforming into a wolf…something that he could not learn to control apparently."

"Jasper, you have got to be kidding me! Are you defending him because he is a guy or something?" I screamed.

Jasper kept a calm demeanor. "No, that isn't it Bella. Think of it more from your perspective or in terms of what I've had to go through. Neither of us want to be a vampire so out of control that we attack people and cause pain, but we aren't exempt from something going wrong that might lead to that. It seems Jacob fell victim to something unexpected."

"Jacob Black fell victim to nothing other than his own cockiness and arrogance! What a stupid, stupid asshole! I just don't want Charlie to know. He'd be devastated by all of it."

"Well I don't think Carlisle will mind keeping it a secret but Billy might," Alice said.

"Have they already eulogized him?" I asked realizing I have been out of touch.

"Yes, he was buried last week," Jasper said. "It only made Charlie feel less regret about him bringing you to us that day knowing that he saved you, though he still doesn't fully understand to what degree that means."

"How does Charlie think Jacob died?" I asked.

"Hunting accident in the woods—wrong place, wrong time," Alice said.

Carlisle and Esme had caught up to us and despite my anger I shifted my emotions concerning the treaty and my new family. "I'm sorry to both of you if changing me meant breaking the treaty." I apologized out of respect.

Esme sought to comfort me. "Bella, breaking the treaty to change you was less of a risk to us than you waking up and being completely horrified by what we had done to you, hating us for what we had done."

"I'm grateful to you guys for what you did."

Seeing how sad Billy was and imagining that being Charlie if I was the one to be buried recently made me very grateful…but aren't I still being robbed from my life? And all because of Jacob Black?

Carlisle added, "The treaty has been renegotiated now—we have a new understanding, one only strengthened tonight by the fact that you were able to stand there and not attack them or express any interest in their blood."

"Uggg….blood thirst was not really a big distraction with that conversation and amongst that company. Ick!" I made a face but smiled when I smelled Emmett approaching.

Emmett joined us. "What you don't like puppy chow?" Emmett wrapped his arm around me, and I was instantly at ease.

"Hale no!" I scrunched up my nose at the thought of how the wolves smelled to me.

"Bella, we have a lot to talk about now that you know everything," Esme said. "You're much more of a survivor than you realized."

I knew what Esme was referring to, but I wasn't ready to try to remember all of it. "I understand, Esme."

Emmett squeezed me a bit, comforting me more because his arm felt like a physical extension of the love my family had for me.

"We'll have plenty of time for that Esme. Come on, follow me. Bella needs a release. We'll go scare us up some mountain lions."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bella is still heading over to Charlie's house at this point. Now that we got past the ugly truth maybe Bella can figure out the heartbeat mystery. **

**Thank you for reading! **


	7. Gossip Girl

**A/N: I based some of this story off the movie "Adventureland." If you have seen it, then you will recognize some of the uniforms and parts of the park referenced. Updates are sporadic. That's just the way my life is, but I appreciate all reading this story. There are a lot of 80s and 90s movie references in this chapter. **

**You'll meet Andy in this chapter. I'm currently into Alexander Skarsgard, so that is who Andy looked like for me. My God, that man is beautiful. More beautiful than Andy needs to be actually but still.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight world. **

CHAPTER 7: GOSSIP GIRL

I went back to Charlie's knowing he was at work but thinking I could make dinner for him. I took inventory of his pantry and leftovers in the refrigerator and decided to make him a casserole. I put it in the oven and set the timer for forty minutes. Charlie always appreciated when I showed up to cook for him in the last couple of months. He wasn't, however, over the fact that I couldn't sit and eat _traditional _dinner anymore, so I usually just liked to make something and leave it for him to eat. _Alone._ Poor Charlie, no wonder he liked eating at the diner or at the Lodge so often. Even though I loved keeping up my culinary skills, I realized not every part of my new life was as fun to flaunt in front of Charlie as my car and strength.

I headed up to my room and looked through some of my things in the closet. I found myself just cleaning it out and gathering up some things to give to Goodwill. I sat down at my desk and started up the laptop. As it was booting up I eyed the bottom desk drawer. That was the epitome of a metaphorically speaking drawer in my life, a drawer that was closed by fate the minute I became a vampire. But in the literal sense, it was here with physical reminders of my past.

Was this a drawer I wanted to open right now?

After reliving the knowledge of Jacob attacking me, after going on a stupid mission based on a heartbeat, after my conversation with Emmett just yesterday…yeah, yes, and hell yeah! I did really want to go into this drawer, just climb in and not come back out for a while until I had a chance to revisit those feelings. Sort of like when you wake up from a really great dream and you close your eyes hoping to fall asleep back into it. Well, I couldn't dream anymore, but I had been working on the memories. I needed to travel back in time to a better place, just for a short while today, and feelings were the only _Delorian_ I had for this kind of time travel.

I got up to open the window and pulled the cigarettes out of my purse. Before I lit one, I opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a green metal lockbox. It wasn't locked, of course; Charlie had no real problem with giving me privacy. I placed the box on the desk next to my laptop and stared at it. I fumbled around the bottom of my purse for the Ski & Skies Adventureland lighter until retrieving it from the bottom of my bag. I just knew it was going to die out one of these days. I dragged my thumb down the roller and with a flick had a flame just big enough to light my cigarette while still contemplating opening the green memory vault that sat before me.

I lifted the lid hesitantly.

My first smile came at the sight of my nametag. "Can I help you? My name is Isabella." For our nametags, Ski & Skies Adventureland insisted we use our full first name as stated on our birth certificate—no nicknames were allowed. _How many times did I have to correct people to just call me Bella?_ I pushed aside the other three nametags (I had one for each summer I worked there). Next up…photos. I held my cigarette between my fingers and sorted through the pictures—most Jessica took from Andy's parties before she drank. I didn't have too many because I was never one to remember a camera. Pictures of drunken people with their arms around each other's shoulders and holding up red cups are the best! There were a lot of faces I agonized over trying to remember. I pulled out a small notepad and tried to write down the names I knew.

And there at the bottom of the handful of pictures was one of him...Justin.

The feelings flooded me as I sighed at his picture—light auburn hair, shimmering steel eyes, a smirk that spelled out 'trouble.' That day we met, he was overwhelmingly everything in one perfect smile. My cigarette had burnt out. I relit it and sucked in deeply, closing my eyes, trying to drown myself in those feelings.

~x~

I had met Justin my first week at working at the SSA. The first two weeks I got moved around day after day until they approved a permanent place for me. One day I was helping to run rides in the kiddie area. The next day I was selling tickets at the entrance. One day they sent me over to a large food stand to work. _Gross. If I had wanted to work at McDonalds then that's where I would have worked._ I walked in through the "Employees Only" door and for some unknown reason everyone looked at me like I was something to eat. There was a mix of kids my age and some older people there who all looked bored. I guess I was just a distraction, the shiny new toy. Some of the other employees wanted to know how long I had worked there and what other areas I had worked already. I really was not very comfortable with all the attention so when the manager said he needed someone to go out and work in a small outside stand I volunteered.

The manager, Glenn, led me to a small hut that was a one-person operation Icee stand and told me I was going to relieve the employee there who needed to go on break. I followed him through a gate that led through an employee only area. The path ended in the back of a small stand I would work that afternoon. The line was long because it was an unseasonably warm day and people were looking for something to cool them off. Glenn announced himself to the current employee. "Your relief is here."

"Finally, I get to go have a smoke." His voice was quiet, but I heard him mutter that just before he turned to look at me and smile. His eyes were like looking at the ocean line, deep and moving waves of green and gray. His hair was brown with a side part with some spikey pieces running along the part on just one side and the rest gelled up. He had adorable dimples. He wore the exact same horrible uniform as me—brown pants and a yellow shirt-and yet he looked like an actor from a television show. He was the first person I met at this place that actually looked hot in a brown apron. I stood there not hearing any of the voices of the crowds around me or seeing anything but a blur around him.

I only saw him. I was completely lost to _dreamweaving_.

Glenn took the necessary actions to clear out his register and set me up to start working. "Have you worked a stand like this before?" he asked me.

"Umm, no not really," I said quietly, still stunned by my observations.

Justin's voice filled my ears. "Well it's boring as hell but really busy so the time flies, except when you are completely fucking jonesin' for a smoke." He winked and the glint in his eye told me he enjoyed whatever bad-boy reputation I might associate with that. Then he pursed his lips and looked me up and down. "Thought, you don't look like someone who smokes."

I just smiled. I came up with nothing else to say. Was that an insult?

They left and I was engrossed in customers and trying to figure things out. After being left out there for two hours I realized I was not _just_ covering Justin's break time. I was sentenced here for the rest of the day. _Great! _Did that mean I wouldn't see him again today? Just when I thought I was never going to figure out how to make more popcorn a girl showed up in the familiar employee uniform.

"Hi, I'm Lauren. Glenn sent me out here to see if you needed anything." She said it so perky. Lauren had distinctly beautiful auburn hair flowing out from under the paper hat (another attractive part of the uniform) and more curves than I thought my body would develop this year. _Or ever._

"Well, I'm running out of popcorn and I really don't know how to make more. Oh, and I could use some more quarters for making change."

"Okay sure. I'll let Glenn know," she said.

About half an hour later _he_ appeared. "Knock knock. Hey! How's it going? Looks like the line died down." I think those were the words he spoke, but I was too caught off guard by his presence.

His face: _beautiful_.

His voice: _cool_.

His eyes: _smiling gently_.

My stomach: _a mess_.

"Fine," I said quietly then gestured toward the machine. "Ummmm, but I'm not real sure how to make popcorn." About five minutes ago there had actually been a break in the once long line and I was thankful just to catch my breath, though now I felt like I had lost it again.

"I know," he said as he hopped up onto the counter, "that's why I'm here." I looked toward him, and he pointed to his nametag with a grin. "Sooo, my official name is Justin but everyone calls me Jay, and you're Izzza Bell-lahhh!" he said as his face glanced over to read my nametag but trying to be funny in dragging out my name like that old Rob Schneider _guy at the office_ skit on Saturday Night Live.

"Just Bella," I corrected him. It was the fourth time I had to correct someone today but I couldn't bring myself to be annoyed. God he was so cute-so much cuter than any of the guys from Forks. Like CW show cute. I was sinking painfully in my own timidity, but I realized I needed to pull something together before I had an "I carried a watermelon" _Dirty Dancing _moment.

"Did you bring me quarters?" I asked. Oh yeah…that was only about two notches above 'I carried a watermelon" in coolness.

He jumped back down off the counter. "Yeah I've got'em right here in my pocket." He reached down in front of him and then looked up at me. "And you thought I was just happy to see you." He laughed at himself.

I completely flushed as I followed his hand into his pocket. He smiled retrieving the rolled up coins and handed them to me as his fingertips gently grazed my palm. I felt my body tingle in reaction to his touch.

He showed me where the bags of kernels were, how to put them in the machine, add the oil and turn the big contraption on to start popping.

"So where are you from, just-Bella?"

"Forks," I muttered while I punched a few numbers into the cash register to get it to open up and deposited the quarters inside. I knew I was at the point I was not good at, reciprocating the conversation. I bit my bottom lip nervously.

"You?" I asked.

"Port Angeles. I go to Port Angeles North. I'll be a senior in the fall," he said happily.

"Me too," I replied as I inhaled a bit of cigarettes from him.

"I'll be glad when high school is over. School was never really my thing. How long have you worked here?" he asked.

"Only about five days now. They keep sending me to different places to work."

"I've only been here about two weeks. I like Food Emporium. Glenn is cool. The other managers aren't bad. You're all set for popcorn," he said closing the huge machine. It banged loudly as it started up with a quick flip of a switch.

"Okay, thanks." I was overwhelmed by his chatter. It was good chatter, but it felt more familiar than having just met him. And I was really grateful he set up the popcorn because as I looked at the big bag of kernels I imagined myself somehow spilling t all over the floor.

"So do you think you'll want to come back?" He looked at me questioningly. "You know, to work at Food Emporium?"

"I don't know if I have a choice or not. I kind of just go where they send me."

"Well you should come back…." he said invitingly. "We have fun, but I think it would be more fun with you." With that he turned and strode away. _Oh my God._

About two hours later Glenn was back with Lauren. The temperature had cooled off. "Has the afternoon been slow?"

"Pretty much," I replied looking at how much popcorn Justin had made that was still sitting in the glass case.

"Well then I think I'll close it down rather than putting Lauren out here."

"Yes!" Lauren shouted. "I hate the bugs."

"Why do people even drink Icees in this type of weather? It's not like they need to cool off," I blurted out.

Glenn laughed. "Hey, don't mock our bread and butter! The bigwigs send people out to compare our park to those around the country. Selling Icee drinks is more about the overall theme park experience apparently."

"Oh." I hadn't realized how gung-ho Glenn was about his job. He was short and a little pudgy, like he enjoyed beer. His hair was full and wavy. He had a pen constantly tapping in his mouth or in his hand.

"Yeah, well we still sell plenty of coffee and hot chocolate over at the Food Emporium. You can go on your break now."

"Do you think you could tell me how to get to the Employee Lounge building? I've brought my lunch up until today, so I've always just eaten in the back of whatever stand I worked at and haven't made it over there yet."

Lauren cut in, "Hey if I can go take a break now then I can take her there."

Glenn glanced at his watch and nodded that it was okay stating, "Yeah, that is fine. Alicia is due back any time now." Lauren turned and said, "Come on, follow me." I grabbed my purse and headed back out the door of the stand and through the little gate. She led me deeper into a section I had never realized existed. I must have missed out on seeing this during that hour-long orientation.

As we walked Lauren prattled on about how long a day it had been and how she couldn't stand working the Icee stand because it left her with no one to talk to, and she was glad to get out of doing it today. A girl approached us from the other direction and Lauren catapulted into some kind of butt-kissing wannabe _Heather_.

"Heyyyy Alicia! What's up? What the hell is going on girl?"

"Nothing, I just had my break. Employee dining room is really quiet right now." Lauren rolled her eyes and seemed disinterested.

"So party at Andy's this weekend—are you and Justin going?" Lauren asked. I noticed the book Alicia was holding was Jane Eyre, one of my favorites.

"I haven't really talked to Justin about it yet but we'll probably try to go. I heard it was a lot of fun last year from some of the other kids at the stand."

I smiled at Alicia and realized this must be Justin's girlfriend. _Of course, he had a girlfriend_. "How far along in the book are you?" I asked. Might as well be polite, after all, he had been nothing but nice to me.

She answered, "Not too far…Jane is being sent away from the school. I hope I finish this by the end of summer because so far it is kind of boring. I'm Alicia by the way."

"It gets better once she goes to live with Mr. Rochester. And I'm Bella."

Lauren grabbed Alicia's attention again, "So hopefully you will be able to talk Justin into going to the party because I'll be there and want to hang with you guys."

Alicia looked at her watch. "Yeah okay, well I have to get back to the stand now before Glenn marks me as late. See you guys back at the stand."

Lauren and I started walking again, "Oh God isn't Justin gorgeous? I mean, just…just So…_hot_! I just want to run my fingers through his hair and fuck him senseless! He better be at that party and his ass will be mine by the end of that night."

_Whoa! Gossip Girl here. All the girls were sweet on Justin, but it seems Justin's dance card is already full. _

I couldn't help but laugh out loud as her words came out of nowhere and assaulted my ears. "Umm yeah, he is really cute but wasn't that his girlfriend?"

"Alicia? Hell no! Thank God! That is his sister. Actually he was adopted, but Alicia wasn't so they have different last names, but they are the same age."

That explains why they look absolutely nothing alike. But still both Justin and his sister seemed very nice.

"And she works at the Food Emporium, too?" I asked.

"Oh yeah!" she replied then elaborated more about the two to me.

I was amazed at how much information this girl I barely knew was sharing with me, though I didn't mind finding out more information about him. But with the way this Lauren spoke about him I realized that like a character from a CW show, this boy was out of my league. He probably had girls throwing themselves at him all the time, just like Lauren was willing to do all too eagerly. And I could see why, but I knew I wasn't _that girl_—the one that would win out up against girls like her.

When I returned to the stand after my break I was informed I was being sent to another stand to help with cleanup. This was the part I was beginning to hate as a floater—they just sent me anywhere at any point in time during the day and I would have to start all over again. I said goodbye to the people around me that I had spoken with that afternoon. Lauren and Alicia had gone to the stockroom in the back to do inventory. I snuck a quick glimpse of Justin out back smoking before I slipped out quietly without saying goodbye to anyone other than Glenn.

After my shift was over, I met up with Jessica in the locker room as we changed out of our uniforms and deposited them in large laundry bins to be washed.

"Hey, do you know about some guy named Andy who is having a party?" I asked Jessica.

"Uh, huh. We are totally invited." Jess squeezed her fists and bubbled over in excitement. "He works this place all year round so I met him a couple months back. Oh he's totally hot, too," she squealed. "You wanna go, right? Because I'm going. I need Andy to get to know me outside of this place."

"I think so," I said. Just then Alicia and Lauren came walking by us already changed out of their uniforms.

"Hey!" Alicia said, "So where did you get shipped off to?"

"Some Mexican food stand at the other end of the park that needed to be cleaned. It was really gross, actually. I'm really hoping they send me back to running kiddie rides tomorrow," I said.

"Ick! I've got to get out of the food places and try to work in a ride, game stand, or souvenir shop." Lauren said. "All this grease sitting in my hair by the end of the day is nasty!"

"It was nice meeting you guys today and the rest," I said.

"Oh, did you have the pleasure of meeting my brother?" Alicia asked.

"Justin, right?" I replied back hoping she would not see through the fact that I was really trying to play it off.

"Justin?" she laughed. "That would be him, I guess, though we just call him Jay. He thinks he is cool or something." Alicia giggled.

_Cool_? Gorgeous. Funny. I'd never met anyone cooler in my life.

The last thing I wanted was Lauren to get the wrong idea about me. I was pretty sure she was already waiting to pull Alicia away from me, so I tried to say something very neutral.

"Yeah, he brought me quarters today." And there it was, my 'I carried a watermelon line' now to his sister. Let's hope that doesn't get back to him.

"Alicia, c'mon we gotta go find your brother and hit the 7-11 for some snacks. Then I have softball practice tonight." As expected, that was Lauren trying to tear Alicia away. Girls can be so predictable.

"Bye," I said. Jessica looked at me and then a big goofy grin came over her face.

"Soooooo, who's Justin?" she asked all nosey and giddy.

I felt my entire body blush and realized that apparently Justin was going to be my summer crush. "Oh you know, just probably one of the cutest guys I've ever known. I'll have to point him out to you one day, if I run into him again. I don't know if I will or not because they keep sending me all over the place to work at different sections."

"So why don't you request to work at his stand permanently?" she asked.

"No way! I don't think I could work all day with the kind of butterflies in my stomach like I had today. Besides, I'm not his type at all. That girl that was just standing here-_she's_ his type. Trust me." I finished getting dressed and tried to brush my hair. Eww. Grease and cotton candy had settled into my hair and nested. If I could ever get my hair clean, I decided I wasn't opposed to going to the party to find out if she _was _his type.

Jessica and I headed to the car. "So how old is Andy?"

"Umm, I think like twenty-one. He graduated high school a couple years ago and got offered a full time year-round position here. Do I need to tell you about how much hotter than Mike he is?" She stated matter-of-factly, a sign that she was over her ex-boyfriend, Mike Newton.

We agreed we would be going to the party that was being held on Saturday if Charlie was going to give me permission. As the next few days passed I was still getting passed around the stands within the park on a daily basis but had not been returned to the Food Emporium. I hoped to see Justin every day but doubted he was even going to remember me if I saw him again. At this point, I was meeting new people every day that I couldn't keep track of, so how could I expect he was keeping track of everyone he met?

I did come across one stand where the others that worked there seemed extra friendly. It was an area of four squares that held different games—toss the hat on the moving mannequin, bottle ring toss, bang the frog onto the lily pad, and knock over the milk cans. It was a stand in the midsection of the park—just far enough away from Food Emporium. I recognized two boys that worked there as recent graduates from my high school and, though they didn't really know me, I did let them know that I went to Forks High, too . For some reason, Geoff and Mark, formed a linked familiarity with me when I told them that I knew Mike Newton. He had been dating Jessica up until May. Mike's older brother, Pete, was in their class. They were willing to be very helpful to me during my time working there. We each took turns running the various games, and I felt a bit more comfortable in my Games uniform—just a simple t-shirt that read GAMES across it three times paired with jeans and sneakers—over any other uniform I had to wear there. By the end of the day I realized I had a fun ease and comfort during the day that I hadn't experienced anywhere else within the park. I had strived to do a really good job and then asked the area manager, Elyse, if I could put in for a permanent position there. Once she told me yes I finally hoped that I would settle in to this job better and even meet enough new people to keep my mind off Justin.

I had to plead with Charlie on Saturday to let me go to the party. "Dad my head is swimming with people I've just met at the park but haven't had a chance to get to know because I do actually have to work while I'm there, plus they kept sending me all over the place each day. Can't I just go to this party so I can try to get to know some of these people better?"

"Bells, is there gonna be anyone there I know?" Charlie scrunched his face and raised his eyebrows as he questioned me.

"Well yeah, Jessica and I are going together. Oh and Mark Harris and Geoff Sommers are going to be there, do you know them? They have GOT to have been some of Forks High's finest," I snickered as I wrapped my arm around my Dad. "They really aren't bad guys. They have been very helpful to me."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do know their families, and you are right, they aren't bad guys, though that Geoff thinks speed limits are always ten miles higher than posted. Okay then. Go. Have a good time. But Bells, do me a favor and make sure you get your own drink-never take a drink someone hands you, do you hear me? And I don't think I even need to say no alcohol, do I? Oh, and take this." He handed me a small gray canister that held pepper spray. "Give your old man some peace of mind, will ya?"

"Yes, Chief Swan. I'll be home by two and please don't embarrass me by calling the Port Angeles Police and giving them a heads up about the party," I replied and kissed him goodnight. Charlie rolled his eyes like he'd never do that, but I knew he would. He would do anything for my safety.

Jessica drove us to the party. We found our way there and headed through the open front door. It was already crowded. We were greeted by some passing hellos but so far I didn't recognize anyone. We headed into the living room and there was Justin. I froze. He was dancing with a red cup in one hand and Lauren hanging all over him everywhere else. I turned around and looked at Jessica.

"That's him," I nodded, "the one dancing with that girl from the locker room."

"That's him! Like wow! You were right! He's just so yummy. Love the sideburns! Wow he's like season one Jason Priestley and Luke Perry combined." Jessica smirked reminding me about her obsession with watching _Beverly Hills, 90210_ on Soapnet.

But she was right. It didn't hit me until that moment when I glanced back over at him. He looked as if he was both a boy scout and a bad boy, the hero _and_ the bad guy.

I sighed, heavily. "Yeah, I know. Okay, stop looking at him. I don't want him to see me, he's clearly occupied." All hopes I had that Lauren would not be here sank down into the floorboards taking with it the small amount of confidence I had brought with me to the party and my plan of trying to talk to him tonight. "Hey what are you doing?" I snapped to Jessica.

"Taking a sneaky pic of him with my phone," she giggled. "You'll thank me later. Got it!" she declared holding up her phone.

With that I grabbed Jessica's arm and drug her back out the front door. We followed the paver path outside around the back where there were a lot more people, twinkling lights strung around a square canopy, and blaring music. Jessica went straight for the keg and looked at me pleadingly. "Don't worry," I said rolling my eyes, "I'll drive us home and you can sleep over. Charlie won't mind as long as I'm home by curfew."

"Good, because that is what I already told the parental figures," Jessica snickered. After about ten minutes Jessica nodded and said, "Look, there he is." My head snapped back immediately to follow her gaze. Not who I hoped to see.

"Andy and friends? He's the really tall light-haired guy, right?" I presumed. Clearly Jessica preferred light-haired guys, though she had no problem acknowledging Justin's brown and auburn locks just now.

"You bets! Well I'm off to chat with him. You'll be okay here, right?" she asked.

"Sure," I said as I scanned the back patio looking for familiar faces and seeing none.

I found myself wandering in and out of conversations with shy introductions. I was constantly regurgitating how I lived in Forks and worked in various stands in the park in just my first two weeks there. Just when I finally was ready to go drag Jessica away from her conversation with Andy, or at least get her to introduce me, I heard my name being called.

"Hey look it's Bella. Bella!" I turned around hoping but was instead greeted by Mark and Geoff, but I felt myself relax into an easy smile. I was relieved to see some familiar faces.

Geoff spied my red cup, "Wow, we've got ourselves a party girl here."

"Hardly, it's just Coke," I replied. "Did you guys just get off work?"

Mark replied, "Yeah, we stayed late. It was busy tonight and boring as hell without you there."

I blushed. "Yeah, I bet." I doubted I brought little more entertainment than not successfully setting the games back up or dropping balls before I was able to give them to customers.

Geoff asked, "So is your friend here tonight? You know the one you told us was Newton's ex-girlfriend."

"Yeah, she's over there with Andy—the guy who is throwing this party." I nodded toward her direction, pointing out Jessica.

Geoff followed my glance, "Oh Newton was right, she is a cute little piece of…." Just then I watched as Jessica lost her balance falling backward and had to use Andy's arm as a crutch. "Oh, I see _she's_ the party girl. Introduce me to her later." He winked at me causing me to roll my eyes.

"I don't know, that surely has to go against some guy code with you being friends with Mike's older brother and all," I joked with him.

Geoff's response time had yet to be affected by his beverage of choice. "Bella, this is summertime outside of Forks—codes don't apply, all bets are off, and it's every dude for himself! You're a cute girl, you'll see how it is. C'mon, Mark and I will introduce you around."

I was thankful to be taken under their wings and hauled around outside. Geoff and Mark really did seem to know a lot of people at the party, but their best friend there was the keg. A couple hours had passed since they got there, and finally I needed to return inside to use the bathroom. I should have gone easier on the Coke. I considered taking Jessica in with me but with a quick glance I saw her stumble again and realized she might threaten my _get in and get out of that house as quick as possible_ sneak attack I was planning. I excused myself and darted inside carefully checking for signs of Justin—he was in a corner standing by a table where Lauren was taking a turn at beer pong. I slipped by unnoticed and made my way down the hall to assume a place in line for the bathroom. I stood there being assaulted by loud rap music and keeping my eyes buried down into the carpeting like I was inspecting the fibers for blood drops.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeey, I know you," I was greeted with a gentle shove in my arm. I turned to see Alicia getting in line behind me.

"Hi Alicia," I said giving her a short wave of acknowledgement.

"This party is a lot of fun but I think I've had waaaaaaay too much beer already. Did you just get here?" She was speaking very loudly and hanging onto my shoulder.

"No, I've been here for a few hours now, mostly outside on the patio with some people I know," I told her quietly hoping my low tone would convince her to lower her own.

"Oh that must be why I didn't see you." She was still buzz shouting. "You'll have to come play beer pong with me, Jay, and Lauren. You remember them, right?"

"Umm, yeah, but that's okay, like I said I have some friends waiting for me outside. And I'm the designated driver tonight so beer pong is kinda out for me."

With that the bathroom opened up and I darted inside thinking how I hoped she wasn't going to tell him how she saw me. But even if she did, he probably would not remember me. As I exited the bathroom, Alicia looked like she was just about ready to puke.

"All yours…ut oh, are you okay?" I asked. Her coloring was off, a mix of green and gray.

She cupped her mouth and bee-lined into the bathroom. I sighed and followed her in to hold her long light brown hair back for her. She heaved three times as I stood scrunching my nose. Then the classic inebriation apologies started.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never get sick like this. Thank you so much….uhh…I don't remember your name. I'm sorry."

"It's Bella. It is okay. Really. It isn't a big deal. I'll go get you some water."

"Oh Bella…yeah that's it. I'm sorry I just never get sick off of beer. Ohhhh, headrush…Can you find my brother and tell him I need my pocketbook from my car?" she asked.

_Oh God no, I CAN'T do that_.

"Umm…sure."

_Great. So much for avoiding him at this party. _

I turned around and walked away heading down the hall toward the living room where the beer pong table was set up and there he stood with his back to me and with Lauren snaking one arm around his waist, basically hanging on him, still. I'm surprised I didn't have to retrieve them from occupying a spare bedroom or the laundry room or a corner in the garage. I approached him quietly from behind. I breathed in the cologne he was wearing and admired how broad his shoulders were and how his jeans were tight around his butt. I reconsidered once before tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around and looked at me.

"Hey, it's just-Bella!" he announced.

He remembers my name? My heart skipped. One.

He's smiling so sweetly at me? Two.

He's waiting for me to respond? Three.

His eyes are twinkling expectantly? Four.

He's sliding her arm off? Five

Five flops of my stomach.

Five head spins.

Five seconds.

Five thousand butterflies.

"Umm, hi. Your sister is sick in the bathroom. She wants you to bring her purse in to her. She said she left it in her car." There was absolutely no eloquence to the words as they barely pushed up past the butterflies stirring in my stomach, escaping from the diaphragm, and out of my mouth.

His smiling face contorted. His brightened eyes went flat. "Freakin' lightweight. I told her to go easy," he sneered as he shook his head.

"And she needs some water to drink." I added.

Lauren jumped in, "C'mon, I'll walk with you out to the car." And with the skank practically dragged him away. I was really starting to hate this girl. She was like Catwoman with her paws always all over him leading him away.

_Oh and you're welcome! _

I waited for them to disappear out the door and then returned back to the patio making my way over to Jessica who was still keeping herself in the mix of Andy and his circle that only seemed to only widen without moving from the same spot.

"Heeeeeeeey, this is my very, very, verrrry bestest friend Isabella. She goes to school with me in Forks…we are such good friends. She's the _vest_est! She's gonna make sure I get home tonight, oh but shhhhh her daddy's the chief of purlice so we don't want to wake him." She said as she was hanging over me giggling. Obviously Jessica was buzzed.

"Jess, we need to get going soon. I'm just going to go over and say goodbye to a couple of guys I know. "

"What guys that you know? Hey is it that cute boy? What's his name?"

I quickly cupped her mouth and looked at her sternly as if to say she would not have a ride home if she continued this conversation that she had no idea she was engaging in so loudly. Another freakin' loud drunk! Andy glanced at me and smiled. I nodded and said hello back to the group that was standing there. "Thanks for having us Andy." And then I turned to Jessica, "I'll be right back."

"Thanks for coming, Isabella. Hope to see you around the park more," Andy said grinning and raising his red cup in gesture to me. I smiled back at his glassed-over eyes politely.

I sought out Mark and Geoff and told them how I ended up holding someone's hair back so they were pretty forgiving that I had lost track of them. I especially had to reassure Mark that I hadn't tried to ditch him. I stood there chatting with them, mostly thanking them for introducing me around when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I inhaled that same cologne and I knew who it was. For a brief second, that scent was calling out to me. I took a gentle gulp that burned on its way down and turned around.

"Hey," he said sweetly and smiled tenderly with his eyes. "Thanks for helping my sister. She said you held her hair back in there."

Butterflies stirring up, again. Nope not just butterflies I was full on _dreamweaving_ again. I shook my head in hopes to clear it.

"Ummmmm, yeah, I hope she feels better." He pulled out a cigarette and placed it up to his mouth allowing it to slightly hang down as he searched his pockets. My eyes followed his hands as he patted himself on his chest against black T-shirt that hugged him tightly, then looked back at his lips around the cigarette, pink meeting white, then watched his hands again as they went to the front of his jeans and reaching behind him to his back pockets.

He started talking out one side of his mouth. "I made her lie down in one of the rooms. She usually needs like twenty minutes to sleep it off when this happens. Hey do you have a light?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "I don't look like someone who smokes, remember?"

"Oh, that's right, you don't. Hang on a second." He looked around and saw Mark smoking then bummed a light off him. "You sure?" he asked, holding his pack out to me. I shook my head no again. Mark and Geoff interrupted to ask if I wanted to go play Asshole with them.

"Actually I'm just on my way out. See you guys at the stands tomorrow." Geoff made some mock gun clicking gestures with his hands. Mark felt the need to pick me up and spin me around. Feeling a little more composed after focusing on Mark and Geoff for those brief five seconds I turned back to Justin.

"Tell Alicia I hope she feels better. See you around?" I held up my keys and shook them to signal to him that I was heading out. I reluctantly turned and headed over toward Jessica who thankfully was completely unaware of my current conversation and who had joined us on the patio.

"Hey just-Bella, wait…" Justin called out.

I closed my eyes for a tiny second and imagined it…him smiling at me then asking me for my phone number, him complimenting my hair, him asking when he will see me again, him asking me what stand I was working at now, him asking me if I wanted to find an empty room with him…

I turned back to look at him. Our eyes met—his steel to my chocolate. My legs felt like jello, and my heart was pounding with anticipation. I felt like I was beaming, but I'm sure I was only smiling to the slightest degree to him.

"Yeah?" I said with a faint brightness.

"Hey, don't tell my sister about this," he said as he pointed to his cigarette with the hand that was not holding it, "she doesn't understand."

_Crushing anguish._

"I won't," was about all I could muster up as I turned and walked away from him, over toward Jessica and silently begged her not to fight me on leaving as I yanked on her arm.

"Call me!" Jessica yelled out waving to Andy. "Call me!"

~x~

The sound of the buzzer on the oven downstairs alerting me the casserole was done shook me out of that place.

**A/N: Bella struggles with knowing her life has been forever altered by becoming a vampire and she will never be able to actually revisit this part of her past...or can she? **


	8. The Facts of Life

**A/N: So what do you think of Justin? **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters related to Twilight. **

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><p>CHAPTER 8: <span>THE FACTS OF LIFE<span>

I gathered up the memory culprits, put them back in the green box and stowed it back down in the third drawer. Looking down, I realized I had written it all out in a notebook but sat there wallowing in a heavy disappointment of the anguish I had felt that day and even more anguish over now being a vampire. _Okay_, so maybe revisiting that summer was briefly distracting but not exactly a Hallmark Channel movie of the week. At least I didn't have to submit this as documentation to Carlisle.

I went downstairs and pulled the casserole out of the oven and popped it on the trivet. Cool new part of being a vampire with cold, marble skin? I didn't need to use potholders. My skin was impermeable to excessive heat.

_I really just needed to throw that whole green box out._ _That isn't me anymore, _I thought. My life is completely different now. My entire future has been altered. I don't even know if I have a future. I feel so damn completely lost in my present. Alice always says that when you can live forever, you only have a present and a future. There is no past.

I went back upstairs and turned my attention to my computer, bringing up an address search directory. Could Justin still live in Port Angeles? I looked up his name and found three addresses for him. . .only one was in Port Angeles; this must be his home address.

My mind lingered to the next time I saw him after the party, about three weeks later. As I was entering the locker room to get changed I caught him goofing off with another guy. He was wearing a baseball hat that had a big H on it. He grinned shamelessly at me and looked at me in a way that I can only describe as if he was high—maybe he was and I didn't realize it? With a quick pinching of his rim between his thumb and index finger, he tipped his hat up to me to gesture _hi_. I asked, "Are you going to Harvard?" And he just grinned, "Yeah, Harvard."

That was it. No conversation. No recognition. Just smitten-filled smiles from me and probably laughing from him. I knew I couldn't be certain he remembered me. He was probably drinking enough at the party to have forgotten all about talking to me. He surely had forgotten my name, and how could I have blamed him? He was the one that made an impression on me, not the other way around.

The next time we met, almost two weeks after the hat incident, summer was flying by, and I thought I was more prepared because I was _always_ hoping to see him again. Yet I was wrong.

I was in no way prepared.

I had worked a later shift. It was after dark, and I was heading to the Employee Dining Area for a late break. I loved the walk to the Employee Dining at night because I got to see the park all lit up. There was a different buzz in the air at night as people walked around in glow-in-the-dark necklaces and the coasters roared along the tracks. It was its own world of excitement with dancing colors as the lights blinked. Sweet music could be heard encircling each ride. My most favorite ride to see all lit up was the Ferris wheel. It could be seen for miles outside the park at night, beckoning those to this magical place created here in the Pacific Northwest.

I decided to stop and watch the park in fascination and prolong my time away from the games stand. Fireworks started to go off yielding bursts of exploding rainbows and shapes in the air higher above than even the Ferris wheel went, just as I was inside the lounge's gate. I leaned up against a large tree and pulled out my fresh box of cigarettes, packed them, and opened them up figuring I would have one now to keep myself company. That is when he came walking by, alone for once. He stopped when he saw me and looked surprised.

"You smoke now?" he asked.

"Uhhh, yeah. Just here and there. See what this place has done to me?" I laughed nervously. "Do you want one?" I held out the box of Marlboro Lights to him.

"Sure," he answered lightly. "So have you got a light this time _just_Bella?"

_This time?_ He remembered the party and my name? My eyes opened wide in surprise.

Once I realized I never wanted to be caught without a light ever, ever again, the day after the party, I had bought five new lighters in five different colors from one of the souvenir stands. I pulled out two lighters, a blue and an orange one, with the intention of just giving him one.

I held the blue lighter out to him and opened my mouth to tell him that he could keep it when he took a step closer to me.

"_Just_Bella, when a guy asks you for a light don't you know you're supposed to hold the flame up to his cigarette?" His voice was low and sweet. His words were intentional as he breathed into my face.

I flushed . . . everywhere. I gave myself a chance to look into his eyes. His voice turned smoother, gentler. "Ummm, no," I replied through a gulp of Drakkar-enriched air.

He took another step closer to me. I shivered, and felt my heels meeting the tree behind me slightly as he continued to speak softly.

"And _just_Bella, when a guy bums a cigarette from you," he inched closer to me, "don't you know you are supposed to light it first and then give it to him?"

I nodded "no" softly as he stunned me with his eyes. He took a cigarette out of my box and held it up to me. I took it from him and put it up to my lips, with my fingers quivering slightly, trying to be careful not to fish-lip it. I had to spark my orange lighter twice before catching and lighting the cigarette. Then my fingers, still shaking slightly, held it back out for him. His fingertips gently caressed my knuckles as he took the cigarette from me and brought it up to his lips. He took a slow deep inhale, smirked at me, and then lightly, but purposefully, fanned the smoke out into my face. I stood there so dazed I forgot about my own cigarette.

_Tantalizing. _

"There see, that's so much sexier, isn't it?" His voice was raspy now, seductive. _It was so much sexier when he did it. _I stood there mesmerized by his little tutorial. Then his tone changed to more amusement. "Hey, I'm not smoking alone am I?"

I lit a cigarette for myself and took a puff, leaning myself back against the rough bark of the tree and looking up at the fireworks. He leaned up against it next to me, bending his right knee and bringing his right foot up to rest upon the solid brown of the tree. He sighed dramatically. "Fireworks are so romantic," he said letting his head tilt toward me then grinned at me full of idiocy.

At this exact moment, yes they are. But I think my heart was booming louder than the fireworks.

After a few moments of silence and finishing our cigarettes he announced, "I have to get back to the stand now. See you around _just_Bella." He smiled at me in that delish, devilish way about him before he turned to walk away. "Oh, and if you want this back," he held up the lighter behind him without turning to look at me, "you'll have to come visit me. Bye _just_Bella."

I was dazed. My mind was cluttered with innuendos and what-ifs. "You can keep it," I called after him softly, but he was already walking down the path toward the gate.

I had no idea what just went on and suddenly had no desire for any food. Instead I headed straight to the area where I knew Jessica would be working the Ring Around the Bottle game. I explained everything that happened to her in every detail I could remember and she screeched ecstatically.

"Well duh, he is completely flirting with you!" Jessica beamed and bobbed up and down.

"_Is that_ what he's doing?" I asked. "He didn't ask me anything about where I was working. He didn't ask me how I've been. I mean, maybe he is just screwing with me because he thinks he can get away with it. . . You saw how that other girl was at the party, you know I'm not like that. I'm so much more reserved and plain. I barely got five words out to him tonight."

Jessica replied moving her hand up and down in front of me, "Bella, whatever it is you think about yourself, I just don't see it. I think you need to go for it with Justin."

"**You've got mail!" **

I was instantly pulled out of the memory. I scanned through my emails and replied back to one from my mother trying to be as honest as possible, stating I was cooking dinner for Charlie and had rounds with Dr. Cullen that night. She was worried when I didn't return to school this semester but she seemed to be satisfied with the fact that as long as I was interning with Carlisle I was still pursuing my interest in medicine. I also told her that Alice was getting married and I was going to be the maid of honor.

What I didn't write was: _Mom, I wish you were here. I wish I could tell you everything-how I was attacked and changed forever. That my heart was frozen and then shattered into a million pieces. Remember how we used to watch 'The Facts of Life' reruns on TV and talk about issues together afterward? You thought I was tough like Jo, but I wasn't. Somehow we missed the episode where Jo became a vampire, so I really didn't learn about ALL the facts of life. Mom, I miss you._

I had documented that entire exchange between Justin and me, though I hoped I would never forget it. Closing the notebook and then turning to shut down the laptop, I grabbed my smaller notepad to write Charlie a note. I pulled off the top piece that documented the four-circle car guy's conversation and Justin's address, folded the piece of paper, and stuck it in my pocket. I left the notepad out in the kitchen for Charlie with my note on top.

**Dad, I was here. I set up phone voicemail for you. **

**Be careful on patrol if you are out in the woods. **

**Call me if you need backup. **

**After all, I'm the strongest daughter you've got!**

**xoxo Bella**

I grabbed my stuff on my way out the door and started making my way through the forest back to the Cullen house . . . _back_ _home_.

**A/N: I promise we're getting back to the heartbeat mystery. Very soon!**


	9. Scooby Doo

Oh how life gets in my way of writing.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters from Twilight. But Justin is mine, for now anyway.

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><p>CHAPTER 9<p>

SCOOBY DOO

Alice met me at the porch with a pout on her face and her arms crossed, looking all Tink with attitude. This couldn't be good.

"Hey Daphne, where have you been all day?" she asked. I wasn't sure if I still merited the nickname Danger-prone Daphne from **Scooby Doo** because I was so accident prone as a human.

"Hi. Who me? Oh just over at Charlie's, you know making him dinner," I replied innocently.

"Bella, Bella, Bella! Please stop. It is called a Maid of Honor. Not a Maid of Deceit."

"Uh, okay. Did we have plans I missed or something?" I was fairly sure we didn't have plans. My new vampire brain was like a super computer crossover with an old-school palm pilot. I didn't mistake dates or plans, that is, unless I was too distracted by other pressing matters like, I don't know, heartbeats and traveling down memory lane.

"No. But how many times have we talked about throwing out that SSA stuff?"

"Oh, you saw the . . ." _Damn it! Busted. She saw me looking through the box._

"The lighter, Bella. Jazz told me all about it."

_Oh. Whew. But Jasper is a fucking traitor! _"I know, Alice. I will, but you don't understand.

Alice twisted her wrist in the air before recrossing her arms. "Explain it to me."

"It's just that. . ." I struggled to find the words at first. "Alice, I love you guys, but some part of those days remind me of who I used to be, how once I was normal. I was human and looked forward to my future. Now I don't know what I am or who I'll be. How do you plan for a future when you feel like your plans have been squashed like a bug? How do you even begin to plan out forever?"

"Oh, I see," she responded quietly and thoughtfully, "I don't know how to answer you entirely. There are still so many things you can do like travel, go to school, read, write…"

"And then what?" I asked. "Forever seems like a fantastically pointless concept."

"It doesn't to me. Or to Jasper," she added.

"Yeah, but you guys have each other and can design a future together." I sat down next to her and leaned my forehead down into my palms.

"Would it help if I told you I had a vision?" I peeked over out of my fingers. She looked at me with a mildly sympathetic pout and placed her arm around my shoulder.

"Well as long as we have a mystery to solve gang." I was skeptical sometimes of Alice. Her visions for me had never been anything of monumental proportion—mostly small things but helpful to me at times. The most important thing she ever offered me was seeing Justin with a girlfriend. If she hadn't prepared me for that then I don't think I could have handled it that day as well as I did.

"Take a breath, Bella. Things are about to come full circle for you." Alice held her head as if she was in pain from a throbbing headache.

"Like look gang it's a clue! Great, Alice! Thanks!" I said sarcastically. _I was sure to be able to plot out my entire questionable existence based on that one._ What the hell did that even mean? Not like I could revert back into a baby, or a human for that matter. I think sometimes Alice just needed to try to do something or say something to make me feel good, even if it was with a BFF obligatory optimistic, though half-assed, vision.

"You know what you need?" I shook my head 'no,' knowing she was about to tell me. "A fun girls' weekend! Do you want to plan to go up to Denali next weekend?"

I had never been there but desperately wanted to meet _the other_ Cullens that lived there.

"Sure, Alice. I'd love to meet them," I said nodding my head against her shoulder and thinking how nice it might be to get out of town for a couple of days. "Hell, maybe I should consider living with them."

Alice groaned. "Okay. You just leave all the details to me! I'll check if they won't mind having us, but I'm sure they won't. I'm off to hunt, and you've got to get to the hospital for your shift soon." Alice patted my chin before moving to stand up. She took a step away then turned back to me.

"Hey Daph, don't beat yourself up too much tonight, okay?"

"What am I beating myself up over?"

"You'll see! See you in the morning!" She laughed as she flashed out toward the forest.

The little troll knew more than she was letting on, wasn't she?

I pulled out my cigarettes and lighter. I could hear engines running off in the distance. A few of the guys from La Push had dirt bikes they liked to ride along the treaty line. As I lit my cigarette, I gazed off into the trees.

_Jessica and I had shared a ride to the SSA that day as we both worked the day shift. She drove us in her little white Honda Civic. We had been done for the day, and on the way out she stopped in the main office to get her paycheck. I had already gotten mine yesterday, but she had spent too much time lingering with Andy, her sort-of boyfriend at this point, the day before to get hers. She bounced out of the office, and we walked toward the parking lot. _

_She cleared her throat and turned around to me putting her hand up, effectively stopping us on the sidewalk trail that led to the parking lot from the office._

"_I know what you've been doing with Andy, Bella."_

"_Uhhh," I was confused. "What are you talking about, Jess?"_

"_You've been trying to get him to break up with me!"_

"_Jess! Have you gone mental?" I had no idea what she was talking about. _

"_Yes you have! You can find your own ride home Bella Swan!" _

"_You're leaving me here?" _

"_Yes." She turned on her heel and headed toward her car. I just stood there stunned over what just happened. For heavens' sake I barely ever saw Andy in the park and had only seen him outside the park with Jessica. This was crazy. Jessica certainly had a flair for the dramatics, but she knew I would never go after her boyfriend. _

"_Sounds like you need a ride just-Bella." _

_I heard his voice from behind me and I didn't want to turn to see him, but I did. "Umm, no that's okay. I'll just…"_

"_Come on. I'm offering." I followed behind Justin and could see Jessica's little white car whip out of the parking lot. I still had no idea what the fuck her problem was. _

"_Is she a friend of yours?" he asked. How was I supposed to answer that? I didn't even know. Apparently she's not as good a friend to me as I had thought she was. Then I watched as he stuck an envelope into his back pocket. An envelope I recognized. A paycheck envelope. _

_Or, Jessica is the best wing girl ever! She set this up for me. Oh, screw you Mr. McBillis for not casting her as the lead in the drama last year because that girl gave a convincing performance! Good thing it was going according to plan._

"_Yeah, she's a friend of mine. She just forgot to take her medication today," I grinned. _

_Suddenly we were stopped. We hadn't walked very far into the parking lot. "Here," he said, "put this on."_

_A smooth, hard helmet was staring back at me with the realization that Justin rides a motorcycle. He would, right? _

"_I don't think…" My dad would definitely not be happy with me riding a motorcycle._

"_Well if you have more appealing options. He pulled out his cell phone. Wanna call someone else to pick you up?" No, I didn't. Not that I wanted to ride a motorcycle, either. I just wanted to be with him. "Come on…"_

_He helped me onto the motorcycle and then put on his Maverick sunglasses, leather coat, and told me to hold onto him tightly. I did. I held onto his body, and as he pulled away and the wind came at me, I allowed my face to lean into his coat. He hadn't asked me where I lived. I didn't care where he would take me. Being on a motorcycle with him was such a romantic rush, and I never wanted to let go. _

_But it ended as he pulled into a pizza place. _

"_You eat pizza just-Bella?" he asked after parking the bike and securing the kickstand. He got off the bike first and then helped me off. I pulled off the helmet, and he giggled at my hair before reaching out and smoothing it down for me. _

"_So," he bit his bottom lip slightly and nodded toward the pizza place's door. I smiled and took the hand he offered as I carefully lifted my leg off the motorcycle. Our hands broke apart once we were standing. Once inside we ordered a small pie and Cokes from our booth. _

"_So tell me about just-Bella. Why doesn't she ever leave the games and come visit my side of the park?" _

"_How did you know I worked games?" _

"_Your uniform. It's better than that brown apron shit we have to wear."_

_I grinned at the thought of my simple t-shirt. "Yeah, it's a whole lot better." _

"_My side of the park?" he asked again. _

"_I don't know. Ever since I got a permanent location I just have no reason to go anywhere else." _

_Justin put his hand over his chest and winced, "I'm not a reason? Oh, that hurts me just-Bella." _

_Was he a reason? How should I know? He always had Lauren hanging all over him. And I really wanted to know where she was but I was so not willing to bring her up. I was enjoying filling her absence with me, just-Bella, a nonclingy, ungirlfriend type who just happened to be getting a ride home from the cutest guy she had ever known. I looked up to see him still grinning at me. Oooh dreamweaver. . ._

_A waiter had taken our order, but a waitress brought us our Cokes._

"_Hey there, Jay. I thought that was you. How's your summer going?" _

_Nothing like another girl hitting on your, errr... ride-home, to shake you out of your romantic dreamweaving. Justin chatted with the girl, whose name I didn't even bother to try to catch because she completely ignored me. When she left, Justin confirmed that the girl went to his school but graduated last year. _

"_I think she works here year-round," he winked. "Is there going to be more to life for you once you graduate just-Bella?"_

"_Yeah, definitely. I really want to become a doctor."_

"_A doctor, huh? So how does one become one of those?"_

_I went on to tell him way too much about pre-med college classes, medical school, and residency in addition to talking about wanting to work with children someday. _

"_I don't think I know anyone like you. No one I know even knows what the hell they want to do tomorrow, let alone with the rest of their life. And listen to you, you've got it all planned out."_

"_I guess that makes me kind of a nerd, huh?" _

"_Yeah, it does," he grinned. "Aww, no I'm just kidding. Plans are good, as long as you don't lose sight of __spontaneity." _

"_Well, I am plenty spontaneous," I lied. _

"_Really?" _

"_Oh yeah."_

"_We'll see about that," he smirked. _

"_Are you doubting me? I got on the back of a motorcycle for the first time, didn't I? Totally spontaneous . And badass," I giggled._

_After our pizza came out we ate it while we shared stories about some of our coworkers and their after-hours hijinks in the park. Getting high off of whipped cream canisters, really? He told me some childhood memories of going to the park with Alicia. I told him how scared I was of heights, that I was too scared to even go on the Ferris wheel. We laughed a lot, together. It was the best meal I ever had. He wouldn't let me pay and he lit a cigarette once were were out the door and walking toward the motorcycle. I straddled the bike, awaiting him to hand me the helmet he carried under his arm, but instead watched as he straddled the bike and sat facing me. _

_I happily inhaled some of the smoke from his cigarette and thanked him again for the pizza as I looked into his eyes, sea green and gray swirls, like ocean waves with a current that pulled me in toward him._

"_Oh, my bad just-Bella, did you want a smoke?"_

"_No, actually, I'm good." I pulled back from him slightly. I just wasn't in the mood to smoke. Being there with him was fulfillment enough for my senses. I couldn't wait to get going and wrap my arms around him again. _

"_Here," he held out his cigarette, "take a drag of mine."_

_I shook my head slightly. _

"_No, really. I insist," he added._

_When I shook my head 'no' again, he took a drag and fanned it across my face. I know he went on to say some words. Was it three words? Was it twenty words? I didn't know for sure. My mind went so hazy that my ears clogged up and I physically blocked out whatever those spoken words were. I doubt he was singing 'Dreamweaver' to me, but my mind may have allowed for the moment to have it as a soundtrack. It didn't matter what he said anyway, because when he was done talking he leaned in and kissed me. _

* * *

><p><em>AN: *swoon, swoon* __What do you think Bella should do with the SSA stuff? Keep it or throw it out? The heartbeat will be back in full effect in the next chapter! Have we all figured out who owns the heartbeat?_


	10. ER

A/N: "I've got a story and I'm trying to tell it right." The Fray, _Heartbeat_

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and lets us reshape her characters. I'm sort of putting them through the meat grinder._

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><p><span>CHAPTER 10<span>

E.R.

On the way to the hospital that night, I intended to stop by Charlie's and throw out all the stuff from the green box. I really wanted to, but then I got curious about Alice's vision. I decided I could give it a week. What was the rush? I've got loads of time. If nothing else, living forever gave new meaning to being able to procrastinate.

As the door opened to the hospital, it hit me. No, it OVERPOWERED me! I could hear it. _Well page me Dr. Ross because I think Alice was right about tonight! _He was here. Four-circle car guy was here, at my fucking hospital! I suddenly felt giddy. More than giddy, singing in the fucking rain euphoria!

I was going to see him. Again. After all this time. Then I panicked. I wasn't ready for this, was I? And what was he doing here?

I stepped back outside and smoked a quick cigarette. I held my lighter, lightly rubbing it-the nostalgia was heavy in the air, the memories fresh. This lighter was my little good luck charm and the key to unlocking my past and future all together. Alice was actually right! I could feel it-my old life was about to collide with my new life. It was him. It had to be.

As I put out my cigarette, I ignored a part of me that questioned why I was so excited to see him.

I took a deep breath and entered the hospital, stopping in to wash my hands in the employee bathroom before heading up to Carlisle's office. I didn't even bother with the elevator. I knew I could take the stairwell at my speed and no one would see.

"Carlisle, he's here," I whispered with excitement upon entering his room, planting my palms on his desk like I needed to brace myself for the news. I didn't need to, but maybe I needed to brace Carlisle for it.

"Who?" he asked.

"The heartbeat guy, ya know, from the mall. Can't you hear a strong irregular heartbeat?"

"Not one in particular. Are you sure?"

"Carlisle? Yes."

"Are you okay? Why are we whispering? I don't think anyone can hear us."

"OH! I didn't realize. I think I'm fine. I'm just so anxious. I think it's someone I know," I confessed biting my lip in anticipation of Carlisle's response.

"Really? Well that is an interesting turn of events. I'll let you lead the way. Where to first?" I followed him out of the office after slipping on my white coat and throwing my stethoscope around my neck. I listened intently.

"First floor B wing," I announced proudly.

"ER?"

I nodded and we headed off to the ER, where I only sensed a few other patients tonight. Carlisle retrieved the patient charts and led the way pausing outside the curtain. He went in letting me know he thought it was best he go in first. I conceded and hung back.

I followed slowly behind him, my eyes lit by internal bulbs.

"Hello. How do you do?" Carlisle said using his impeccably polished bedside manner.

"Well, I've been worse," a voice chimed with a hint of humor.

"That's always good to hear out of an ER patient," Carlisle chuckled. "I'm Dr. Cullen and if you don't mind I have a med student training under me. She would like to observe if that is okay with you." That was my cue. As I rounded the curtain he spoke simultaneous to my thoughts.

"Sure, I don't mind," the voice said.

_Justin, Justin, Justin._ I chanted in my head, trying to brace myself to see him again. Finally, it all made sense to me now—the heartbeat, the lighter, the memories. They were more than just feelings of nostalgia. My past really _was _coming full circle.

"I'm Ed Masen," he said in greeting.

I heard his words, but it didn't register.

He flashed a full-blown smile at me, seemingly in recognition?

"I really don't mind!" he snickered under his breath.

What? Did he just say his name was…Ed? I stared at him as he smiled at me without shame, a normal reaction to the camouflage.

Carlisle proceeded. "Good. This is Ms. Swan. So Mr. Masen, your chart says you experienced heart fluctuations today? Is there any particular event that may have caused this?"

I could hear his heart pick up, and the monitor he was attached to alerted us to it loud and clear. Carlisle glanced over to me.

The patient cleared his throat. "Well I have a bit of a cardiac history and did something today I guess I wasn't supposed to do."

Carlisle asked what it was that he did.

"In a word? _**Stupid**_," he chuckled.

_Ed Something_? This was his name?

As I took in his face I could only see Justin, only older, smirking at me...but his name was Ed Something or another? Not Justin? I put my head down to avoid looking at him and shook my head, trying to shake the thought of Justin out. I looked back over at him and took in his features—chiseled jaw, blue eyes, faint stubble, firmly built chest peeking out from where his shirt was left open to leave room for the electrodes that were hooked up to his chest and connected to the heart monitor.

The patient was still looking back at me, and perhaps taking in whatever expression I had on my face, though I couldn't tell what my face said at this moment. Could it have showed utter confusion? It would have if I hadn't assumed the vampire mask I had been taught to use in public. Carlisle asked Mr. Masen to proceed with his story.

"Oh right, yeah I was at the park today and took a ride on a roller coaster that the workers had put at maximum speed." He chuckled as he said the last part as if he was admitting how he snuck out of his room as a teenager.

"The park?" Carlisle asked.

"Ski and Skies Adventureland over in Port Angeles. I was there today on business and…"

_The park?_ THE park was SSA?

I brought my hand to my forehead with a loud whack.

With that he stopped because I was hysterically laughing as I stood behind Carlisle. Both of them looked at me in obvious inquiry. How in the world did I never consider it could have been that park? The park I had just visited in my mind not hours earlier. Then I thought back to me running through the Port Angeles recreational park, which just made me laugh even harder. _You are an idiot, Daph!_

"Ms. Swan, are you okay?" Carlisle glared at me.

I did my best to compose myself. "Yes, sorry Carlisle," I said covering my mouth and muffling two more laughs.

"If you will excuse Ms. Swan, I believe she has her own memories of that particular amusement park that your story may have reminded her of, is that the case Ms. Swan?"

"It truly is," I giggled more, nearly having to put my hand on Carlisle's shoulder to brace myself, then straightening up and gesturing how I was zipping my lips.

Carlisle began his examination of Mr. Masen and continued to converse with him while I stood in the background. _Thump thump da dum thump thump da dum_

"I see that Dr. Gomez already examined you earlier and started you on meds. You seem to be stable at this time. If you were in Port Angeles, what led you to the Forks ER today?"

"I'm here on business and I phoned my physician at home after I had the chest palpitations. He directed me to this hospital. Apparently he knows someone on staff here. "

Ed Masen looked directly over at me and smiled, "I'm going to have to be sure to thank him."

"And where is home, Mr. Masen?"

"Chicago," he answered right away.

"You are quite a ways from home then. Go Cubs." Carlisle offered gently in solidarity as he continued his examination. Why is it that no matter where men go they always match their original location or current location to a sports team?

"Take a deep breath for me," Carlisle instructed. I watched as his chest would rise and fall.

"All the way this year hopefully, though I'm more of a hockey fan," he replied with a smile. "I love a good puck off."

I coughed. My ears did not hear 'puck' the first time. Oh yippie, did the conversation find its way to include more sports? Yeah Team!

I tried to think of something that Alice would say, your know, all pop culture-like.

"Go Oprah!" I said throwing my fist in the air, only to be met with looks by both Carlisle and Ed Masen. _Crap Daph! That sucked_. Only Alice could have pulled that off.

"Well you seem to be stable now, but we'll have to monitor you here overnight as is standard protocol in this type of case. And I'll need to consult with your doctor in Chicago. The chart here says it is a Dr. March?"

"Yep, that's him."

"Dr. Francis March?" Carlisle asked.

"You mean you know him?" the patient replied with surprise, mimicking my own.

"I guess I'm your staff link. We met years back at a conference. We keep in touch on interesting cases periodically. He is quite a compassionate and groundbreaking physician."

"I suspected I would have to stay. Unfortunately this is not a new occurrence for me, not that it has ever been brought on by riding a roller coaster." He snickered again. "I was wondering though if I can get something to eat. I missed dinner with all the excitement."

Hmmm. Why did he treat this so lightly?

"Sure, Ms. Swan, why don't you see if you can find him a tray." Carlisle asked me if I was going to be okay coming back by myself in a voice too low for Ed Masen's ears. When I told him I was fine he said I could meet up with him in rounds or back in the office. He asked again if I was in control and asked that I meet up with him in no more than fifteen minutes.

"Any requests?" I asked Mr. Masen.

"No red meat. And milk, if it isn't too much trouble?"

I smiled warmly. "Can't make any promises, it is a hospital, after all, and it's after 8 pm."

I heard Carlisle begin his dictation into his handheld recorder, "Patient Edward Masen is a 24-year-old male who presents to the emergency room today with…"

I turned on my heel and walked away completely baffled by what just happened. I shook my head to one side like I was trying to drain water from my ear. I've met him. The four-car circle heartbeat guy. His name is Ed Masen-not Justin-but when I looked at him there was recognition in his face and I swore it felt like that first time I saw Justin.

I smiled. My God he is certainly as beautiful as Justin….more so. If I had never thought that possible, I do now. Where was Alice to help me make any sense of this?

The cafeteria was still serving roasted turkey and mashed potatoes—that would have to do. I grabbed a carton of milk for him and, not knowing if he would like them or not, I picked up a package of white chocolate chip cookies. Then I hurried back to the ER and set up the tray for him on the bedside table.

"Thank you." He smiled politely.

"Don't thank me yet, like I said, it's only hospital food." I smiled. Despite my confusion, I felt oddly at ease with him.

"Trust me; I'm sure I've had worse. And I was mostly thanking you for the white chocolate chip cookies. They're my favorite actually," he replied softly, smiling so tenderly that I helplessly smiled back at him enchanted by the curve of his lips. He laughed, "I guess I'm kind of a kid that way."

The spell of enchantment was brief, and I realized I needed to regain my professional façade.

"I'm going out to the desk to check about getting you transferred out of the ER and into your own room and then…." Carlisle had asked me to attend to this when I returned.

"And you'll come back…. and let me know?" His eyes met mine with a potency I didn't understand at all. His eyes were inviting windows, deep and rich, but why would they be so inviting for me?

"But wouldn't you rather be left alone…"

"No," he said softly interrupting me. "Of course, if you have other patients to see, I understand," he continued, this time keeping his eyes down focusing on opening up the package of plastic utensils.

Sure, he was my patient and I was going to continue to provide a courteous bedside manner as was expected of me by Carlisle.

"Sure, I'll just be uhhh…a few minutes," I replied pointing toward a nurse's station he couldn't see before I closed the curtain and headed down there. Once I got things sorted out for his transport I looked back down the hall at the curtain that I knew he was sitting behind and listened to his heartbeat.

_Thump da dum, thump da dum_. It was slow again. The drugs he had been given today had taken effect. I headed back.

"Knock, knock," I declared as I pulled the curtain back. "Your room is all prepared. Transport has been the holdup, so as soon as they are available they will come move you."

"Men in white suits coming to take me away?" he grinned.

"They wear burgundy scrubs, actually."

"Is asking for a private suite in this town asking for a lot?" he inquired humorously.

"Well asking for a hospital in a town this small is kind of a lot, but since the hospital isn't overcrowded I did make sure you would have a room to yourself, at least for now," I smiled. He laughed in response and nodded his head, acknowledging I had matched his answer.

"Thanks. Do you have time to sit?"

To say I hesitated was an understatement, and he must have realized it. My fifteen minutes were already dwindling, but I felt very in control.

"Sorry, it's just that I've been living out of a hotel for a few days now and I hate eating dinner alone."

I laughed to myself that in a pathetic way he reminded me of Charlie.

"You're laughing at me again, aren't you?"

I stilled myself and tried to seem quietly sincere.

"It's just what you said reminded me of something. Sure, I can sit. Do you mind me asking you if Ed Masen is your real name," I said as I sat down in a chair but staying toward the end of his bed. I couldn't help still feeling like I had recognized Justin in his eyes when I first saw him.

He chuckled in between bites of turkey, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is."

"Do you know me by some chance?" I asked.

He put his fork down and gulped down some milk then looked up at me.

"Does seeing you at the Port Angeles Mall two days in a row this week count?"

"In the mall? _Oh!_ Oh!" I was in close enough proximity for him to have seen me. I hadn't realized that.

"Can I ask you something?" He countered, and I assumed he was going to ask me why someone goes to the mall two days in a row. I nodded in agreement.

"Are you and Dr. Cullen…." he trailed off suggestively, expanding his eyes and arching his eyebrows.

"Are we what?" I asked roughly. I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Related…in some way?"

I laughed. This is what he was asking me?

"No. Nope. He is just my mentor, well except, I endearingly do refer to him as my father-in-law sometimes," I said with a light chuckle.

With that I saw Ed Masen's eyes flash to my left hand ring finger and then up to my face.

"Ohhhh, so the big guy I saw you with at the mall is your husband?" he mused.

Whoa! How did we get so off track here? And he saw me with Emmett? How had I not heard his heartbeat or seen him?

"Ummm, no. It's complicated."

His eyes were soft but curious, "Well as dinnertime conversation goes this is the best I've had all week, so I'll try to keep up," he replied.

I had yet to have to explain this to anyone. And yes, it really is complicated. I contemplated which angle would make the most sense.

"Ummmm, my best friend is Alice and this past year I moved in with her family. Her adopted father is Dr. Cullen, even though I know he looks young." I was trying to sound very matter of fact about all of this and hoped he _wasn't_ keeping up. "Her brother is Emmett. That is who was at the mall with me."

"So not married, but the in-laws bit…is that because you and Emmett are together?"

I chuckled. "Definitely not! We are most definitely just friends, one hundred percent." I laughed thinking back to the talk Emmett and I had while heading to the mall.

"So, then it is you and this Alice?" He was hopefully joking.

"Oh, way off!" I giggled. "In fact, the day we were at the mall she got engaged."

"Well congratulations Alice." He said as he raised his carton of milk. I laughed at his gesture, not sure if I had really explained anything but hoping he would move on from the subject.

"Okay, you are right. It is complicated. Sorry for the twenty questions, I just thought you and the doctor might be related. You have similar colored eyes, like I have never seen before."

He noticed? How was I going to explain this? A contacts craze here in Forks that the rest of the US hasn't caught on to?

"Really? I never noticed." I said shrugging it off. "So milk with your meals? Your mom must be proud of you." I tried teasing as a distraction.

"What? It does a body good," he smirked.

I let my eyes roam down his chest. Yep it certainly does. Oh crap, I think he caught me looking. Why didn't I remember to use my vampiric speed? He chuckled. I noticed how his ears went pink from the blood traveling there in his amusement. And though I was acutely aware of it, my thirst wasn't seduced by it.

"So one more question?" I proposed.

"Sure," he agreed adding, "this is really the best hospital dinner I think I've ever had. It's almost like Thanksgiving."

_How did he do that?_ Laugh at circumstances of being in the hospital like it was no big deal? My question changed.

"Why do you do that?"

"What?" he asked.

"Joke around about being in the hospital for a heart condition? And why would you even risk going on a roller coaster at warp speed if you knew you had an increased risk? Not to mention the Starbucks coffee. That stuff is way too strong for you…"

"I'm sorry, the what?" he asked.

_Oops! Crap!_

Two hospital personnel from transport showed up to move him to his private room. I stepped out of the way and watched while they unplugged the gathering of electrodes from the heart monitor. In doing so, the two electrodes directly over Mr. Masen's heart were tugged off his chest.

"Once you get to the room the nurses are probably going to force you into a hospital gown and take you for testing," I explained.

"Well if you can tell them that when I get dressed up for these red carpet type events I like to be in Gucci." He interrupted me using his humor again this time chuckling and looking into my eyes for my response. I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disapproval.

"Dr. Cullen will probably do rounds in another couple of hours, so if I don't see you, be sure to lay off the roller coasters. I'll just reattach these for you."

"You won't be accompanying him? Later?" he asked, keeping his eyes down.

"No, I only do first rounds of the night with him and then I help with research in his office for the rest of the night. I'm not a resident, just a lowly student." Finally something I could explain in all honesty.

I leaned down over his chest, breathing in his scent. He smelled sweet like powdered sugar, natural with a hint of orange rind, and as rugged as the smoke coming from a woodburning stove in the night air. His heartbeat was too slow, and irregular but not without rhythm, almost playing a sweet melodic lullaby to me but like a record on a record player there were occasional skips. I pulled back his open shirt a bit further to expose his chest and gasped at the large scar across his heart. I was suddenly aware that Ed Masen was holding his breath.

"Take a deep breath for me, Mr. Masen," I coddled him trying to remind myself of my new natural predatory subconscious invitations I was sending to him. It was so much easier with humans than wildlife.

I picked up one electrode, now disconnected from the monitor, and placed it on his chest—my fingertips connecting with his skin lightly.

Both Mr. Masen and his heart reacted to my touch.

As if I had just placed a paddle to a nonbeating heart, a small electric current passed between us and I heard his heartbeat steady to a seemingly normal pace. He jumped in reaction and looked at me with confusion. I immediately pulled my hand away and listened as his heartbeat went back to its irregularity. Would he have felt a difference?

I picked up the second electrode, testing to see if it would happen again, and carefully placed it into position grazing his chest with my fingertips.

A jolt again.

I looked at him, and he was looking at me in surprise and disgust. I could hear a normal repetition to his heartbeat. As I casually began to pull my hand away, he grabbed it forcing it back onto his chest.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, next time yell ALL CLEAR first. How the hell are you doing that?" he blurted out, yelling it even. He still looked at me incredulously.

"Doing what?" I asked, faking ignorance over what had just happened and slightly scared by his response.

I slid my hand away and immediately heard the shift downward in his heartbeat.

"That! Are you serious?"

"Sorry, my hands never seem to warm up," I said rubbing them together and trying to shake off what just happened. I realized Carlisle was going to kill me over this!

With that I stepped back and let the transport personnel take over, watching as they rolled him down the hall on the stretcher. What had just happened? This little meeting had gone terribly wrong. I stood there upset with myself that I had obviously ended things with him getting so mad at me. I listened as I heard his heartbeat travel further away.

I looked around the small now vacant area. It was colder without his warm body here. On a small chair in the corner sat his black coat. I picked it up and boldly brought it up to my nose to breathe him in. It was a mix of powdered sugar, orange rind, and wood burning—it was Ed Masen. On the chair lay a thick manila envelope, it had been hidden under his coat.

-oOo-

When I returned to Carlisle's office I sat there staring at the coat and envelope. Should I give them to Carlisle to take to him with next rounds or would I use them as an excuse to see Ed Masen one more time before he left this hospital and conceivably finished whatever business he was attending to in town and return to Chicago, never to be seen again?

What was it about his heartbeat that spoke so clearly to me? And what was it that had happened when my fingers grazed his chest?

Carlisle returned to the office asking me if I was okay. Again, I didn't know what my face revealed. I explained what had happened and, big surprise to no vamps like us, Carlisle told me to document it.

"So this turned out to be someone you knew?" he asked.

"No, actually it wasn't who I thought it would be at all," I responded bewildered.

"And the laughing?" he probed.

"Carlisle, I'm really quite sorry about that." I further explained what led to the laughing regarding the park. He smiled at my misunderstanding but was firm about instructing me to work on improving my overall demeanor when it came to patients, regardless of any personal relatable issues. He expounded that as a vampire I needed to show even more restraint and composure so as not to bring unnecessary attention to myself in the hospital. I agreed but then explained what happened when I touched Mr. Masen.

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, and hung his head down.

"I know, _I know,_ Carlisle, you are disappointed in me, and I can't tell you how sorry I am," I pleaded.

"No Bella, I'm not disappointed. It's just that we keep unveiling these little mysteries with you. We never know what is going to happen next, do we?"

I bit my lip, worried that Carlisle might tell me I'm not allowed back to work with him. I truly was still a research project, but I didn't want to be time bomb on his hands.

"Maybe Alice is right. Maybe I am still Danger-prone Daphne." He smirked. Yeah the whole family knew her nickname for me. I wanted that to be enough of a way to downplay it. I wasn't ready to have to walk away from medicine.

"Alright, well we will figure this out. How about the element of nostalgia? How does that fit?"

"I don't know!" I threw up my hands in the air. "I mean, that's why I thought it was someone else—I thought it was someone I knew when I was younger and worked at the SSA."

"Hmmmm…have you spoken with Esme about any of this yet?"

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"I think she might be able to help." He paused and sniffed the air. "Bella, I'm wondering why you have his coat here in my office."

"Oh, ummm, they forgot to take that to his room, so I thought I would drop it off to him once he got settled."

Carlisle glared at me disapprovingly. "I don't think that is wise at this point. You may have scared him. I'll bring it to him when I do rounds in an hour."

"I was going to wait until he was asleep," I pouted and crossed my arms with a huff. Carlisle was a respectable mentor, but I felt like he just grounded me. He looked at me disapprovingly still.

"Fine, this is his too," I said pointing to the manila folder.

I turned away from Carlisle and in silence began my documentation. As I sat there, I practiced training my ears to hear the heartbeat and avoided eye contact with Carlisle. I hadn't even gotten around to asking Carlisle what his assessment of Mr. Masen's condition was or about the scar, but I decided I would just review his chart tomorrow without Carlisle around.

Once he left for rounds I snuck down to the second floor and peeked in on Ed Masen. He lay sleeping in the hospital bed, now in a pale grey gown with the electrode wires sticking out. I stood one step in from the doorway taking him in—he was tall, broad, and had messy, almost sun-kissed, bronzed hair. I took a few steps closer and smiled at his beauty then shook my head to myself laughing again at my misunderstanding of "the park." I started to wonder what kind of business he had at the SSA and how long he would be here on business. He was an awfully long way from home.

I realized that Carlisle would be coming soon and didn't want to be caught, though I assumed he would pick up on my scent.

_Stupid vampiric heightened sense of scent._

I took one final look at Mr. Masen. He looked peaceful enough as he slept. How fascinating it was to see the movement of his eyes fluttering under closed eyelids, adorned by long lashes. I stood there wrestling between what would be deemed right and wrong according to Carlisle, but my curiosity prevailed. I approached his bed and again lightly placed two fingers on his chest, over his heart, tracing his scar. The irregularity was gone until I pulled my hand away. I gasped at my own surprise, even though this had already been confirmed twice today.

_Ooooooh dreamweaver_

I stood there dreamweaving for two minutes. Then I overstepped my boundaries—every boundary I had on me at that exact moment. In saying goodbye, I leaned over him to breathe in his heady scent again. It was intoxicating and superseded the normal hospital smell. It drew me in…closer and closer to him. I leaned down slowly, inching along further and further until my icy lips were pressing down lightly onto his smooth, lips. I pulled back, covering my mouth in surprise because I had only meant to peck his cheek. "Feel better," I whispered as I backed away from his bed slowly toward the door.

His heartbeat was slow and I realized, like the older woman who sat next to me on the bench at the park in Port Angeles, my thirst was not piqued by him, but my curiosity certainly was.

Then it hit me.

Despite my change, I could still _dreamweave_.

* * *

><p>AN: And we've got ourselves an Edward! *quick wink* He was there all along!


	11. The Montel Show

_A/N: Reactions are scarce in these here parts. I was hoping that might change once I introduced Edward, but no. ***sigh***_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. Most of the characters are hers, but some of them are mine. _

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11<span>

The Montel Show

I left the hospital early in the morning fighting the urge to check in on him one more time. Charlie had sent me a text to say the dinner was good. I arrived home before Carlisle and went straight to my room. When I heard Carlisle come home all I could hope for was that he wasn't going to lecture me again.

"Bella, please come downstairs," he asked. _Oh no, here it comes. _

I headed downstairs answering him but was met by Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper. What was this going to be a freaking intervention?

"What?" I asked as they all stared at me.

"Bella, I know you went back and visited his room," Carlisle started.

"So what? He's a patient, and I wanted to check in on him." _And I wanted to be absolutely sure he wasn't Justin._

"Bella we need to be careful. We don't know how well controlled you are just yet," he continued.

"Carlisle, how much longer until we decide if Bella is a _good witch or a bad witch_ here? I'm doing just fine and I don't need a babysitter at all times." I realized I was snarling, even though I thought I was pouting.

"I disagree," Carlisle pressed, "It's only been seven months. It's too soon to tell. It will take longer to convince me. Please understand that it is for the good of all of us, as well as Charlie, that I am asking this of you. You asked if I was disappointed in you last night, and I wasn't. But now Bella…"

I threw my hands up in the air too dramatically. _Sure lay a guilt trip on me by including Charlie in the circle of disappointment._

"This is so frustrating! Look at my track record! Not one human, Carlisle! And his blood didn't even make me thirsty!" I looked for support. "Jasper, tell him! Tell Carlisle that I've got it under control!" I yelled adamantly.

Jasper took a step toward me and I cut him off. "Keep your emo-mojo to yourself!" I said abruptly, putting a hand up to stop him hoping that funny deflect-and-boomerang thing I could do with him would happen.

"I admit you're doing extremely well Bella, but you are sort of on probation here. Hopefully it won't be much longer," Jasper offered.

"Yeah, hopefully not as long as yours!" I spat. "Are we done with this conversation? The newborn needs her pacie and naptime."

I turned around and zoomed back up to my room. Why did I suddenly feel like a teenager again with curfews and lectures? Charlie was never this strict. I plopped into my burgundy sofa chair and shook my head at my once again impossible situation. My mind drifted from the anger I felt to more calming thoughts as I imagined him lying there in the hospital bed. He's probably eating Wheaties and milk right now. Dr. Gomez is probably going to release him anytime now…unless _maybe_ they found more cause to keep him there. That was something to look forward to…him being there tonight. Still. Because, well, there was definitely something about him.

A knock on the door broke me out of my daydreaming. I could smell the little troll and Esme.

"C'mon in," I muttered, and they entered through the door gracefully.

"Alice, feel free to not tell me any more of your visions," I moaned.

"Something was going to happen last night, I was sure of it," Alice leaned against the wall tilting her head inward, like she was trying to figure out how she could have gotten it wrong.

"Well my life certainly didn't come full circle—or if it did, I missed it. Last night had its surprises but definitely not what I expected. Or should I say _who_ I expected."

Esme sat down on the ottoman of my chair and put her hand on my leg to comfort me.

"Bella," she began in her soothing voice, "Carlisle told me a little bit about the heartbeat and what has been going on. Why didn't you come talk to me about it, sweetie?"

"I don't know. It's only been a couple of days. And anyway I have no idea what it all means. It was just a heartbeat I heard at the mall that somehow got me thinking of Justin, a guy I used to know, and then the _four-circle car_ _guy_ ends up in the Forks ER, and I thought it was Justin but turned out not to be Justin but when I looked at him it felt like I was seeing Justin." I was talking a mile a minute and squeezing a small pillow in my hand until I busted it open and felt the white soft fiberfill between my fingers. _Whoops. _Oh well, it's just a pillow.

Alice snickered.

I threw half of the pillow at Alice with too much force, which of course she caught before it had time to do any damage to her perfectly styled hair.

"What? Big deal, I busted a pillow. I'll replace it. And, I know my little sob story all sounds either really stupid or really complicated but that pretty much sums up my whole nonexistence."

"Oh it's not that!" Alice laughed a little more.

"What then?" I asked her.

"You've already given him a nickname. 'Four -circle car guy?' That's a classic sign that our little Bella here has a crush."

Esme's brow furrowed in curiosity, wondering if Alice was right.

"I'm going to ignore that remark right now. And maybe instead of 'full circle' yesterday you meant 'four circles.' How's that for subjectivity?" I scowled at her and narrowed my eyes to tiny slits. Best friends or not, she didn't need to remind me.

Hoping to get a clearer picture, Esme began, "Okay, so who is Justin?"

"Oh, you remember the graduation party, don't you Esme?" Alice baited.

"Oh yip-pie! Let's bring that up!" I said throwing my hands up in the air. I stood up and walked across the room to stand in front of the window.

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to remember from that night," Esme replied.

"Bella invited Justin to come to the party and he said he would come but when he didn't show she got really drunk and ended up hooking up with…" she stopped, looking to me for the answer. She was being coy.

"Mark," I offered, looking back and then rolling my eyes.

"Right, right! Mark! So many of Bella's suitors, it's hard to keep them all straight. And in the meantime Justin did show up but Mark wouldn't let you out of his sight at that point. Oh, until Jacob and his crew scared him off. Even poor Eric tried to talk to you that night just about college dorms or something and Jacob shut him down too."

_God-damn Jacob Black. Always in the way._

"Have I told you lately what a disaster that whole party was? Are you sure you want to have your wedding here, Alice?"

Esme had followed along. "Well this is definitely the first time I'm hearing about Bella having been drunk at our house, but Bella dear, that is all a part of growing up. Were you able to work things out with Justin after the party?"

"Not exactly," I replied.

"Are you able to remember what happened?" Esme asked.

"Unfortunately," I grumbled.

"I knew, or at least I had hoped, that I would see him the following Saturday at a house party one of the SSA supervisors usually threw."

"And did you?"

Alice interrupted, "Don't forget the part about how I warned you."

"Yeah, I saw him _and_ his girlfriend. Alice had been right. She actually knew something, even though I didn't believe her at the time."

I looked over and smiled at my little troll of a friend. "But really, Alice, if I hadn't been prepared I think I would have lost it that night."

"I wasn't subjective that day, now was I?" Alice retorted. She came over to my side and I rested my head on her shoulder. I could feel the sadness building up behind my stone cheeks.

Esme looked at me sympathetically pouting her lips.

"I know. I know. It wasn't meant to be. It was just a crush. _Blah, blah, blah. _Whatever." I picked my head up and turned to look at the trees that outlined the vast forest beyond the house's property wishing I could take off and run, just loose myself to the green. I looked deep into the forest wondering if I could outrun my memories.

Then Alice started jumping up and down "Oh! Oh! Oh! You have to tell her the best part of the girlfriend thing…you know, her introduction."

I groaned in disgust. Another memory I should have forgotten.

"Is it that bad?" Esme asked. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, no, it's okay. Justin used to call me 'just-Bella.' I guess it was like this thing that I liked because, well… because it made me feel special. So the night of Andy's party I said hi to him and was blessed to meet his new girlfriend, Rebecca. When I said, 'it's nice to meet you Rebecca' she corrected me and told me, 'It's just Becca.'"

"_Nooooo_!" Esme called out, half surprised, part amused.

"Isn't that horrible, Esme!" Alice snickered but came up behind me burying her face into my arm and lightly grabbing my hand in comfort.

"The worst!" Esme cried. "What happened then with him?"

"A lot, but I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, I'm sorry dear," Esme said, trying to soothe me. "It still bothers you doesn't it."

"I mean, I don't know why it should. And I don't know why I was so excited at the thought of seeing him in the hospital last night. Even still, I don't know why the patient I did see…"

"Four-circle car guy?" Alice quickly interrupted excitedly with her index finger pointing up into the air. I shook her off harshly.

"Yes, _four-circle car guy_. I don't know what the reason is that when I saw him I just felt like at first I was seeing Justin."

Esme was thoughtfully working out the details. "Bella, our brains work in a complicated way. We can filter and process a lot of information at once, but our emotions can be so intense that they can cloud and mask some of what we see, especially if it is something or someone, in this case, we want to see."

"So you are saying I just wanted it to be Justin?" Why would I need to see him?

"Not necessarily. Did he in some way resemble Justin?"

"Yes. He was definitely a type B."

"You knew Justin's blood type?" Alice asked surprised. I giggled at my own words.

"Uhhh, no. Jessica coined that phrase just for me, meaning my type of guy, B for Bella. I guess it is a little ironic now. Not that I would know if human blood tasted differently depending on the person's blood type. Does it?"

"Don't ask me! I think that's a question for Jasper, but let's save it for a different day." Esme didn't want to bring up enticing memories for Jasper to ponder. "So this Justin had been a Bella type, too?"

This time Alice and Esme laughed so loudly I think some of the trees on the outskirts of the property shook.

"So yeah when I saw-_" _I looked at Alice in defeat, "_ four-circle car guy_ last night I definitely saw Justin in him, even though he assured me that was not his name."

Esme was sorting through the information I had presented out loud and recreating a verbal outline of the events.

"Okay so Justin had already been on your mind and you see this guy in the hospital that you are attuned to his heartbeat and when you see him, you see Justin. There is actually a name for this. It is called an overlay."

"More like _underlay_!" Alice snorted to herself.

"Alice, don't be crude!" Esme chided. "Unless of course, Justin was dead, then it would be called an imprint…where literally his spirit tapped into the other body."

I gasped! "Perish the thought! He's my age. I'm sure he's not dead, Esme."

"Oh, I didn't think he was. I was just giving you some extra insight that I'm privy to."

"Oh right, because you're a medium," I said aloud, reminding myself.

Esme laughed. "Well yes, but that particular gift didn't come with a handbook. I got that tidbit from watching that famous psychic lady on Montel."

"_OH!_ Of course," I laughed.

"So how bad is the crush on four-circle car guy at this point?" The little troll batted her thick dark eyelashes in fun.

"What are you talking about, Alice? What crush? I just met him today." I tried to shrug her off. "There is no crush, Alice." I plopped myself back down in my chair and grabbed at another pillow hugging it in front of me.

Alice's eyes formed into slivers. Steam was almost about to come out of her tiny pointed ears. She looked like she was about to burst a pipe, and it wouldn't be full of pixie dust.

"Wait a minute, Bella Swan! Were you having the _Wayne sees Cassandra_ _for the first_ _time_ moment?" I didn't answer.

Esme looked to Alice in question, so Alice took the time to explain that it was from the movie Wayne's World but basically it was just another way to say that when you see someone sometimes the whole world just seems to stop around you and all you can do is focus in on that one person, as if an entirely different force takes over you in that moment-_instsant attraction_. Then she started crooning, "_Oohhh dreamweaver, I believe you can get me through the night_."

I frowned but then joined in singing. Esme even joined in. I had no idea she knew that song—it was soooo old, but then again, so was she.

"You did, didn't you! I knew it! I knew it! I so knew it!" Alice flared her nostrils and rubbed her hands together like she had just cast an evil spell.

"It didn't happen the first time I saw him. It happened when I went in to check on him later. And that's why I hate that Carlisle was coming down on me so harshly," I admitted sheepishly and then grinned. "I just didn't expect, I mean with the change and all, well I never thought I could _dreamweave_ again. Ever."

Esme was a true romantic girly girl at heart. "I _dreamweave_ every time I see Carlisle," she sighed, "I've been doing it for years but never really had a proper name for the phenomenon until now." She giggled and squeezed my hand in acknowledgement. "Just keep in mind Bella that he is a human, so any kind of relationship you have with him will require a certain amount of finesse and caution on your part."

I sat straight up, my eyes opened wide with shock.

"Relationship? What relationship could I possibly have with him? I think going on a date to have dinner and a movie don't exactly hold the same meaning for us. Meeting for coffee is probably out, too. We certainly couldn't hang out anywhere if the sun was shining. Hell, according to Carlisle, I can't even be alone with him." I yelled that last sentence out of frustration, in hopes that everyone in the house heard me.

"I know, sweetie, that it's still frustrating for you, but Bella, it's not like you can't have any interaction with him at all," Alice chirped out to me.

I collapsed back into my chair, feeling exhausted over all this.

"Why did you guys even bother to save me?"

Esme and Alice both embraced me into a group hug, reminding me that they saved me because they loved me and I was family.

* * *

><p><em>AN: _

_Does vampire Bella have a chance with human Edward?_


	12. Mad About You

**A/N:** I had some help in getting reactions and input on this chapter! Thanks to mah girls!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, etc.

* * *

><p>Chapter 12:<p>

Mad About You

I got to the hospital early that night. As I walked in my heart sank; as heavy as it was, it was like a boulder falling through my body.

He wasn't here.

I waited for Carlisle in his office, not sure how well received I would be after our earlier conversation. I realized I needed to clean up this horrendously confusing clusterfuck and set things straight. When he arrived I began my apology. Immediately.

"Carlisle, please know I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and appreciation for all you have done for me, so I am sorry if I acted rudely this morning."

"Bella, there is still so much we don't know. You must be extra careful—we must all be careful, though."

"Yes, Carlisle, I've heard it all before. Newborn. Use caution. I think I've got it."

"It's nothing to take lightly, Bella. And should Mr. Masen end up back in the hospital prior to his departure from the area, then I think it would be best if you stay away from him. Now, it's time for rounds. Ready?"

In my head I hadn't exactly agreed with Carlisle's statement, especially if Ed Masen were to wind up in the hospital as a patient. Why would I decline caring for him if he needed something?

Well the mystery was sort of solved. He wasn't Justin, so I guess I could stay away. The troll was right, though, somehow I had already developed a crush on four-circle car guy. Still, I figured I could just shake it off. We didn't seem to part under the best circumstances anyway. Then I thought of kissing his lips -well from his perspective we didn't part under the best circumstances. As long as he didn't return to the hospital, I probably, _technically_, wouldn't have to see him ever again.

After rounds, I settled back into the office to do some research for Carlisle. It seems he found several things for me to look up for him tonight. I realized I still had not gotten a chance to look over Ed Masen's chart and decided I should track it down to find out what had been his prognosis. I casually finger brushed my hair, and my mind wandered to yesterday when I had seen him run his fingers through his hair just as he was yelling out at me. The blue of his eyes lit up like a blow torch flame with swirls of green, orange, and gray. That immediate reaction was so …_hot_.

The phone rang, and I jumped as if Carlisle had caught me daydreaming.

"Dr. Cullen's office, how may I help you?" I answered in my most formidable secretary/med student/vampire research assistant voice.

"Oh yes, hi. I was a patient of Dr. Cullen's recently and he told me to call if I had any questions."

The fallen boulder was inflating and rising lightly back up into my chest as I immediately recognized his voice.

"Mr. Masen?" I blurted out.

"Yes, and this _is_….?" He seemed to trail off hopefully.

"Isa-, I mean, Bel-, I mean, Ms. Swan, I work with Dr. Cullen. I met you in the hospital last night. I brought you cookies." _Holy cow I think I'm nervous. _I face palmed myself over my awkwardness. _I brought you cookies?_

"Oh, good." I could almost hear a smile in his voice. I tried to compose my professional self after having stammered through my own name.

"Dr. Cullen is doing rounds right now, but I can page him if it is urgent."

"No!" he interrupted me adamantly then softened. "I mean, no, that's not really necessary. I was thinking of doing something that might be, well, in a word, risky, and so I thought I should check on the ramifications first… regarding my heart."

"Oh no, Mr. Masen. More roller coasters?"

He was amused. I could tell. "Not quite that bad this time, actually. I just wanted to make use of the ice rink down at Ski 'N Skies."

I was jotting this down as he spoke. "Okay, so I'll ask Carlisle, I mean Dr. Cullen, if he thinks it is okay for you to…"

He interrupted me again, "If he thinks he could spare his med student for a couple hours tomorrow to join me for ice skating—just in case my heart has another episode."

I had stopped writing and was gripping the pencil so hard that I crushed it. A million thoughts were running through my head as shards of wood, yellow paint, and graphite dusted through the air around me. Did he just ask me out? Did he seriously just invite me to _the park_? If I could have made a list of things I actually could do on a date with a human, wouldn't ice skating have been somewhere in the top ten? I looked over at the clock just to verify what I already knew—it was midnight already. Why was he calling so late? Did he expect me to answer?

"Well surely Ms. Swan, you don't research all night and all day?"

"Did you call this late expecting to reach me?" I asked too quickly, remembering how I had told him that I only do first rounds.

"Umm," he paused, "Dr. Cullen said I could call anytime, day or night. And the thought of me ice skating and suddenly possibly needing CPR or other medical attention was keeping me up as if the sun was glaring through my hotel window." His words were steady, but his tone was light. His voice was enticing.

"Are you making jokes about your health again, Mr. Masen?"

His tone changed. "No, I'm being dead serious when I say I think I'd feel safer in your company."

_Safer?_ If he only knew!

"And Ms. Swan, if I were to need CPR, I can't think of anyone else in this town whose lips I'd rather have on my mouth than yours."

_Oh. My. God. That's it! Now he's flirting with me._

Carlisle's words resonated in my head. …_it would be best if you stay away from him_. Defying Carlisle was probably not the best idea.

Why couldn't I still be human? _Goddamn you Jacob Black_! Time to rationalize…he would be returning to Chicago soon, and then I'll never see him again.

_There is no way I should go_.

_I'm not going. _

_I can't go. _

I bit my lip in nervous contemplation. "What time should I meet you there?" I whispered into the phone.

"I have a meeting there that should end around two o'clock. Is that too early for you to be awake and recovered from working the night shift?" he asked.

I couldn't help laughing out loud.

"There's that musical laugh again. Apparently I'm funny when I'm not trying to be with you and yet you chastise me when I am trying," he responded. He was kind of right.

"I'm sorry. I just don't need a lot of sleep, and it is kind of a recent joke."

"Insomnia?" he theorized.

"Not exactly. It's complicated."

"Ahh, and there's that word again. Can I assume you know your way to the SSA rink?" he asked.

I giggled again, "I could find my way there in my sleep!" _If I slept._

"Well then rest up, Doc, and I'll see you on the ice tomorrow."

"I guess I'll bring my black bag."

"Goodnight, Doc."

"Goodnight." I clicked the phone off and involuntarily sighed deeply and dreamily. I was thankful my body could still react this way. I was more thankful that I had a reason for my body to react this way.

I hung up the phone, hoping Carlisle's ear acuity was being monopolized over the past few minutes, and he hadn't picked up on any part of that conversation.

Holy shit did I just agree to meet a guy that I'm _dreamweaving_ over without a newborn _vamp_sitter present?

I decided to text Alice.

**Busy?**

**A little. What's up?**

'**Member all that stuff about not being able to have a normal date?**

**Yes**

**How's ice skating sound?**

**Perfect! So U going to ask him?**

**No.**

**No?**

**He already asked me.**

**I knew it! Dreamweaving?**

**Yes! But what should I do about Carlisle?**

There was no response. I knew her vampiric troll fingers could text almost as fast as she drove even _while _driving. She was thinking, hesitant, or having a vision.

**Help Alice?**

**We'll talk in the am. Gotta run.**

Oh it was just like her to leave me hanging! I was distracted during the rest of my shift and tried to avoid Carlisle as much as I could for fear he was going to see right through me or had heard me on the phone even. I was so thankful at that moment he didn't have the ability to read minds.

-xXx-

When I reached the house in the morning, Alice was sitting there waiting for me on the porch steps.

"Hey Daph, up for a hunt?"

"Yeah, definitely!"

"Thirsty are we?"

"No. I'm just nervous. And I need to kill some time." If I was going to go through with meeting up with him without a newbie-vamp chaperone, then I needed to not let him or anyone else tempt me.

Alice and I took off for the woods and I tried to burn off some of the nervous energy by taking some extra risks, jumping from tree to tree and challenging myself how far I could bound in a single leap. I stopped to give Alice time to hunt and feed off a small herd of deer we came across, forcing myself to down two in hopes it would soothe a strange ache I had.

"Better?" Alice asked to which I shook my head no. "Bella, what are you worried about? Liking him or killing him?"

"Everything," I said, rolling my eyes. "Not the killing him part, though. It's hard to explain but I felt attracted to _him_ more than his, you know, blood. Dreamweaving is not the same as bloodlust. There's a definite difference."

"Well that's good to hear, but in the heat of the moment there is a real possibility that your senses might jumble both together, twist and feed off each other, and that desire to give in to the taste of his blood might overpower you."

I scoffed. "The heat of the moment? I doubt it will get that far Alice. It's just uh…"

"A date!" Alice beamed.

"More like . . .a chance for answers?" I admitted, afraid of what she was going to think of me.

"Answers? To what? You're not still thinking about Justin are you?"

I picked up a rock and skipped it across the lake where the deer had been drinking from when we happened upon them. I loved to hear the vibrations the stone caused in the water—a new sound to me since becoming a vampire. The joys of nature were often overlooked by humans, but vampires couldn't disregard what nature offered beyond what we relied on for survival.

"I was thinking just how weird it is that of all places to meet him it would be the one place linked to Justin …Maybe he…"

"Stop!" Alice commanded me. "Just don't. Don't think anymore. At all. A hunky guy you are dreamweaving over asked you out. Go! Have some polite conversation, try not to have any _Paul and Jamie_ misunderstandings, and enjoy his company."

I conceded to her with a nod that I would try to let the rest go. "Come on, I picked you up some new stuff to wear on your date that I want to show you," she said with a twinkle to her now more vibrantly golden eyes.

"Paul and Jamie were fated to be with each other you know. Jamie and Paul don't remember it, but they met on a field trip to the museum as kids. Jamie dropped her purse and Paul picked it up for her outside the museum. That was the genius of _Mad About You. _Despite all the craziness, it was utterly romantic and funny_. _I miss that show sometimes, Bella."

"I know you do, Alice."

Alice had bought me a beautifully-colored striped hat with matching scarf and gloves. The gloves had an extra lining of fur inside to keep the cold at bay she said, "just in case he takes your hand." The thought of romance was like sunshine for her eyes—it made them sparkle. The colors were pretty against my heather gray pea coat.

"One more thing," Alice said. I looked to see her holding up a pair of bright white figure skates. "They look new, but they aren't. They are actually Esme's, so they're broken in." I thanked Alice for being such a wonderful friend to me and reminded her that in times like these I was happy to call her my sister.

-xXx-

I parked _the cherry bomb_ and heard his heartbeat as soon as I opened the door. I smiled to myself at how his heart was my own personal GPS tracker. I paid for entrance into the park and followed his heartbeat to the ice rink.

I realized I was there a little earlier than two, and I really wanted to walk around the amusement park area. It was closed for the season, but it would be so nice to go revisit some of the stands I had worked, the rides, the tree by the employee section, the…

_No Bella!_ I told myself, remembering Alice chiding me earlier about keeping this date simple. This day just needed to be about Ed Masen with no complicated thoughts of Justin or a past I can't fully remember. Alice was right.

When I walked into the building that housed the ice rink, he was already on the ice shooting pucks into a goal with a hockey stick. I took in his body as he glided on the ice in the black hockey skates he wore. He was obviously skilled at this game. I watched as his tall, broad frame handled the ice, and every swing of the stick sent a hockey puck soaring through the air, landing in the goal.

"Hey," I called out, trying to keep my voice from sounding too high and too excited. "I'm here," I tossed in with a smile as I emerged from behind the entrance and breezed past the unmanned skate rental desk. I looked around and realized the entire place was empty.

"Brought my own skates," I added holding them up as he turned to see me. In my other hand was a medical kit, a smaller version of Carlisle's. "And this." I held it up for him to see, and he laughed lightly. "Just in case."

He turned his head and smiled at me, effortlessly sent two more pucks sailing through the air landing in the boundaries of the goal, and then skated over toward me smoothly, skidding to a stop. I was acutely aware of every shard of ice he sent whirling in the air as his blades cut through the top layer. He stopped in front of me, flashed a smile and chewed harshly on his gum on the far side of his mouth.

"Great doc! Put'em on. We've got the rink to ourselves for a couple of hours."

I sat down on a green bench and began the process of pulling off my Keds and lacing up my skates. I hadn't been ice skating in a couple of years, and I was seriously banking on the hope that I was going to be able to take the ice as lithely as I was able to take the forest. As I laced up my skates, my eyes followed the form of Ed—black jeans that were faded, black leather coat accented by yellow stripes around the cuffs and collar, and matching black leather gloves.

"I'll be right back," he said with a wink. He skated back out onto the ice, lined up his shots and sunk three more pucks into the goal. He was definitely showing off.

"Is hockey a hobby of yours?" I called over, standing myself up and taking the first step out onto the ice. I took a moment to get a feel for the blades below me.

He was shuffling a puck back and forth with his stick, the equivalent of dribbling in basketball, keeping the puck very well controlled. "You could say that." He looked up, capturing my attention, then skated over to me holding the stick out. "Wanna try?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows and flashing me a smile.

He retrieved some of the pucks from the goal and lined up a few shots for me then proceeded to confess that he used to play hockey professionally for the Seahawks in Chicago. "I was completely living my dream. Playing hockey has always been my passion, but something went wrong with my ticker and it pulled me right out of the game. Everything went up in smoke. My career. My future. The women. The parties."

I gasped lightly in shock of hearing this, and yet I felt some twisted satisfaction in understanding that, like me, his plans had been derailed due to circumstances beyond his control. _Just how many women, though_?

"Do you know how to use one of these, Doc?"

I shook my head no. "And you can call me Bella. I'm not really a doctor yet." He smiled as he demonstrated how to hold the hockey stick first and then held it out for me to try. I didn't quite match my fingers up to his liking and he stepped behind me very close.

"Here, like this." He moved my hands into position around the stick and shadowed my whole frame. "You're gonna pull it back about this far…" he said as he covered my hands with his and helped pull the stick back into the air, "and then let it go." Together we sent a puck skimming across the ice but I cared less about where the black disc landed and more about how insanely intoxicating it felt to have his arms wrapped around me.

"Perfect, Bella," he whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine just to hear him say my name. In quick reaction I turned to look at him, and our lips grazed each other by accident. I pulled away just as quickly, while Ed took a step away from me.

"Sorry," I murmured, putting my head down so our eyes wouldn't meet.

"Not your fault," he replied almost immediately, his warm breath reaching my cheek. "So," He paused. "Wanna take some shots?"

"Sure." He had gotten himself another hockey stick, and we each took turns. I laughed at how coordinated I seemed to have become even though I couldn't ever remember playing hockey before in my life. He skated off to the side at one point and seemed to watch me in amazement at my newfound skills complimenting me with a 'Nice' or a 'good shot.'

I didn't make every shot, but after I sunk five pucks in a row he skated up to me with his right hand raised. "High five!" I clapped his hand a little too hard in the excitement, but he didn't comment. "Let's see some more."

He stood behind me while I sailed five more pucks, one by one, through the air. "Alright!" he exclaimed. "Give it up!" He had both hands in the air this time after tucking his stick under his arm. I did the same and made contact with both hands, more lightly this time. He intertwined his fingers through one hand, capturing it, and held on tightly as he brought it down.

"Skate with me." He was _almost_ asking. I pulled my hand free from his and we deposited our sticks off to the side of the ice.

We separated as I started to hesitantly glide along the ice, trying to make sure this was looking natural, pretending to be slightly unsteady. He reached me and maintained a speed with me. He crisscrossed his skates as he moved, while I seemed to push off and glide. He went in front of me and then turned around putting his hands out. I was keen to the fact that he could skate backwards. He shook his hands like he was waiting for me and brightly smiled over at me as he smacked on his gum. I gave in to him again, slipping my gloved fingers into his palms and felt his hands curl around them, gripping me firmly.

"Do you trust me?"

I blinked in reaction. Not if he was going to try to Pamchenko me or something. "Not implicitly," I admitted with a laugh. From what little I knew about my four-circle car guy, he liked to take risks-risks I wouldn't take if I were him. He gave me another flash of his teeth and pulled slightly on me until he was easily steering me. How could he skate backwards like that? He sometimes looked over his shoulder and I laughed as he reassured me we wouldn't crash but then tried to scare me with an 'ut oh' or a 'look out' before he cracked another huge crooked smile at me and took in my reaction as my eyes got fearful each time I thought we were about to fall or crash into the wall. He finally unnerved me by taking one of my hands and gliding steadily next to me. We skated in silence for a few more minutes until he let go and skated ahead of me.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what?"

"For humoring me, with hockey. I still skate when I can, but I miss the game. Most people think I'm too fragile to play with." He laughed.

_Well this seemed a little ironic_.

"Was there any hope of you getting back in the game?"

"There was. I went to some expensive specialists and they tried, but even after I had all of my procedures done I was never cleared to play again. I had a short reckless time in my life until I literally stumbled into this gig designing roller coasters."

"Am I boring you yet?" he laughed again.

"No! Actually… I'm kind of fascinated by the fact that all of this led you to Forks."

"Even though I wasn't playing hockey anymore professionally I was still connected to some people. The owner of the Seahawks' team has a brother who runs a big engineering firm. When everything went down he offered me a job. He said calculating speed and force on the ice was similar to figuring out the mechanics of a roller coaster."

"Is it?"

"Not really." He gave a quick smile and scrunching up of his face. "But I did major in engineering in college so to me it was at least a challenge. For the past year I've travelled all around the States either studying or helping to design coasters."

"This coaster will actually be the first one I'm lead on." He led me over to the bench and sat me down.

"Watch this. Stay here. I want to show you something I learned how to do when I was a kid." He skated out to the middle of the ice and stunned me as I watched him skate around the rink a few times picking up speed until he did a solid backflip in the air landing it perfectly.

"ARE YOU…You're, you're fucking crazy you know that!" I stood up half shouting, effectively letting go of a breath I didn't realize I was holding onto so tightly.

He skated back over to me, and I could hear his heart had sped up and was beating the way a music box first plays too fast when you've wound it to full capacity. His heart was feeding off of the amount of adrenaline pumping through his body after doing such a crazy stunt.

"Liked that didn't you?" He laughed again but then must have realized how disturbed I was by his actions. "Come on doc, you gotta live a little!"

"Yeah but now your heart is going berserk."

"It is?" By this time he was right in front of me and quirked an eyebrow up toward me. "How do you know?" He had stepped off the ice and sat down next to me.

"I- I-" _Oh crap!_

He took my gloved hand and placed it on his chest above his heart. Despite the fur-lined glove, I realized how instantly his heart reacted, settling to a perfectly normal rate and rhythm. He smiled, almost knowingly, and he looked into my eyes like he was waiting for something more from me.

"See? All better."

And he really was. And somehow, it was like I was doing something to help.

"So what about you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I murmured. I still had my hand over his heart in amazement at how his heart reacted and a little worried how he seemed to know. He had to have picked up more that day in the hospital than I realized -picked up on something that I couldn't even explain and something I was unwilling to talk about to the one person who may be able to explain it, _Carlisle._

He was laughing. "Yes, I know that. Not what I was asking."

"What? Oh I can't do a backflip on the ice."

He laughed more. "Why are you still laughing at me?" I asked.

"Because I was expecting you to answer my question."

"Didn't I?"

"Not exactly." He chuckled lightly. "Maybe I should try it again. How soon until you complete your residency in Forks? What kind of doctor are you studying to be? Why do you go to the mall so much?"

"Oh. Well I was planning on becoming a pediatrician that specializes in infectious diseases but…"

"But what? You're rethinking things?"

"I still want to help children, but it's…"

"Complicated?" He asked suspiciously. A silence fell between us, and I was more frustrated with being a vampire at that moment than I had ever been in my last seven months of this new existence. Dealing with having my hopes and dreams stolen from me was enough of a roadblock, but I never considered what an obstacle it would be to open up and talk to someone about it.

"So tell me Doc, would you know anything about a dream I had that night in the hospital of an angel kissing me and telling me to feel better?"

_Oh sweet lollipop! How could he have known? _ How the hell was I going to explain this? I felt all the blood rushing to my cheeks, but thankfully my new skin surface was impermeable to the blush.

"Hmmmm_, maybe?_" I narrowed my eyes at him trying to judge if there was any possible way he was just testing me and didn't actually know I did that. I thought he was deeply asleep when I did that.

He smiled to himself in satisfaction. "So…that really happened?"

"Oh God. That's really … embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?" He laughed. "You mean you don't make a habit of kissing your patients? Or most of them just aren't conscious enough to remember?"

"No! I've never done that before."

"Never?"

"Not ever!"

The smirk that adorned his face was full of arrogance and suggestion. "Then why me?" He chewed his gum harder.

"It's just that …" _Ah, defeat._ I wanted to explain the whole thing about Justin to him, and yet I knew how ridiculous it sounded when I was telling Alice and Esme. I wasn't ready to make myself look even more foolish to him. And I definitely didn't want him to know that in kissing him, I was willing it to feel like Justin.

"I felt badly about upsetting you and I was trying to apologize to you."

"I see. Well, it's … uhh… me that needs to apologize here to you for my reaction to you that day in the hospital. I feel like I lashed out at you. It was a knee jerk reaction." He chuckled and tilted his head, "minus the knee."

_Ut oh_, so he does remember, _but I'm not going to admit it._ "Ummm, it's always so cold in the hospital. My hands were cold when I touched you. I really should have been wearing latex gloves anyway."

I was talking over him as he was saying he was sorry.

"Wait, what? Gloves? No, it was more than that." He scrunched his face and shook his head slightly in protest. "It was the shock of…" He stopped and looked at me questioningly, thinking over the day or thinking over me. "Well, it felt surprising. And different. And…"

"And?"

He had gotten a little caught up and excited but then stopped like he just couldn't find the rest of the words he wanted to say.

"And….I'm glad you said yes to my invitation because this is me saying I'm sorry for how I behaved."

"Oh, I get it. So this is a pity date?" I clasped my hands in front of my mouth, blew air into them, and rubbed them together, without thinking, like I was trying to keep warm.

He laughed - a booming laugh that echoed off the ice and ridged walls but didn't pick up any of the coldness. It was a warm laugh actually, like we were old lovers reminiscing over carefree days.

"Hardly. Life is too short for pity dates, at least in my world."

"Then what is this?"

"In a word? An opportunity."

"That's two words."

"Yes, and two words too many when you're dying to …"

Ed stopped. His gaze rested beyond me on the empty bleachers.

_Dying to what?_ What was he dying to do? His heart rate increased along with a spike in his adrenaline that I could smell rushing through his body.

"Ed?" I asked trying to draw his attention back. I got up and skated a quick circle in place before leaning over and patting his knee.

"Sorry. Overwhelming memory I couldn't place. I get those sometimes." He shook his head and smiled followed by a nervous chuckle. "Ever have those?" He asked casually.

"Actually, I do." He didn't need to know that I was still piecing parts of my old life back together. I put out my gloved hand, and he took it as he stood up, stepped onto the ice, and then began to lead me around the rink easily. I laughed as he would suddenly jerk me closer to him with rounding the corners.

"So," I began, "was it a memory of playing hockey that being on the ice incited?" _In the beautiful head of yours_

"No, it wasn't. I was in a Ferris wheel car with my arms wrapped around a girl."

"Ohhhhhh," I teased, "memories of an ex-girlfriend. So what was her name?"

"That's just it, I don't think it _is _a memory. When I was a kid my mother took me on a Ferris wheel and I puked in the car. It was enough to make me not go on the Ferris wheel ever again after that until a few days ago when I rode the one here. Before the roller coaster." He frowned adding in the last part.

"You were scared of the height as a kid?"

"No. I think I just had a bad corndog that day. I've never had a problem with heights on any other rides."

"Weird, so maybe it was just a dream you had that you were remembering?"

"Maybe. I don't know what to chalk up to real or drug-induced dreams these days. Like you, for instance."

"Me?" I asked surprised as we skated along. He took my hand and held it up shaking it gently between us.

"Yep. You. This could just be a hallucination-the sweetest side effect of a prescribed drug I'm taking." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and flashed a brilliant smile.

"Ha! No I'm quite real. And what were you saying about how you were dying to…" Before I could finish he had jerked me toward him as we rounded the far end of the rink but my toe pick caught and I ended up falling backwards, bringing him with me unintentionally. I had enough wits to make sure I softened the blow by allowing him to land on top of me.

"Whoa, whoa!" He was trying to prevent the fall but couldn't.

"Whoops!" I squealed. We both laughed as we fell, an overwhelming, tension-relieving laugh full of innocence and joy. I lost my vampire self in the emotions of it and almost felt human.

I lay on the ice vibrating from the laughter with my eyes closed. His body shook with mine as he was still holding on to me, and the harmonious sound coming from his mouth accented his pink lips and blustered cheeks.

We slowed together, the rhythm of our laughter merging into one and trailing off.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Fine," I said smiling as I adjusted my legs and bent one knee up as I felt his hip bone jutting into my thigh.

"You'd be a real asset to a hockey team," he snorted.

"Oh sure, as what? Their _mas_cot?" I replied knowing he was teasing. He chewed on his gum and laughed with me until I was suddenly very aware of how close he was. The powdered sugar and woodsy smell was enveloping me, sweet and musky, teasing me more than his blood.

"No," his tone dropped deep and throaty, "you're far too pretty to hide behind a mask."

_Oh that was good Mr. Masen._

He brought his right hand up to his mouth and used his teeth to pull off his glove, lightly tossing it aside onto the ice then slowly brought his hand up to cradle my face, gently caressing my cheek in slow butterfly-inducing strokes, playfully outlining just the corner of my mouth where my lips tickled and curled up in reaction to his touch. My face leaned into his hand, even though I was struggling in my mind with how close he was. He could have no idea how warm and wonderful his touch felt to my new skin. Emmett had touched my skin just last week as we embraced, but it didn't feel anything like this. This was like wrapping up in a blanket pulled right out of a dryer.

Carlisle wouldn't approve, but even worse, the family would be disappointed in me if I were to mess up, if I were to allow the monster they had always warned resided somewhere deep within me to finally rise and seize my wits, undermine my good self-control and take possession of my instincts. Blood boiled through my veins and radiated through my body. Enough that the ice I was horizontal on should have been melting below me.

"So that kiss, in the hospital…" he started. His breath was a mix of minty from his gum and citrusy.

"Yes?" I gulped. I never should have done that.

"How about you try that again, only this time, give me the chance to actually kiss you back…"

I blinked up at him. He was giving me half a smile. That crooked smile of his. A smile that seemed perfected, like a sharpened tool he used to get what he wanted. Or maybe it was more of a bag of tricks he had. If so, I wanted to know what other magic he could show me.

I felt his weight over my body, with his neck dangerously within the same level as my razor-sharp teeth. His jugular was right there, throbbing. It was appealing, but my focus wasn't on the pulsing of his blood or even its delicious scent. I was too drawn to the invitation at his lips. I brought my hands up to his chest then fisted the lapels of his soft leather coat, opened my mouth slightly and pulled his face down to mine until our lips met. My hands remained on his coat but against his chest, and I could hear his heartbeat evening out to a more normal steady rhythm as we kept up a gentle pace of kissing with just our lips sweetly sliding back and forth. His lips were warm and the deliciousness of his kiss felt like a drop of the sun itself reaching my mouth. His eyes weren't open but even closed they smiled, telling me he was getting what he wanted. I kept the kiss slow, marveling in the sensation greedily but not wanting his heart to go haywire. He kept up perfectly, never pressing for anything more.

When he broke the kiss he looked dazzled by me as he murmured, "So much better while conscious."

He pulled away then kissed me quickly twice more like he wasn't quite ready to disconnect from me as his hand slid up to curve along my temple, and his fingers gently twisted in the pieces of my hair that stuck out from beneath my hat.

"Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she. . . .

The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars"

_Shakespeare? _I didn't mind hearing voice was low and seductive.

"Do you always quote Shakespeare to women?"

"No," he whispered, "usually only to virgins."

I righted myself and pushed him away from me. _Oh my God_! Did he really just say that? I couldn't believe it! "What did you just say?"

He shook his head, moving his ungloved hand now to his own forehead pinching at it. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. Or where it came from even."

I glowered at him because I _did_ know where it came from. I was standing now and backing away slowly. He put his hand out then clutched at his chest. I heard how his heart rate was dropping again but he wasn't in any immediate danger medically. It was just a reaction, like I had pulled the plug to an extra flow of energy for him. Pulling away from him seemed to mean hurting him physically, and I didn't want to do it. But what he said. Why of all things did he say that to me?

"I-, I think I have to leave," I announced wearily.

I was skating away much faster than I should have and yet he caught up to me circling in front of me and cutting me off with a sharp digging off his blades into the ice.

"Hey, don't go." He gently curved his still ungloved hand around my arm in protest. "I was enjoying getting to know you."

All I could think of was how this date with four-circle car guy was probably cursed from the start. I shook my arm free, escaping his grip without hurting him, and skated over to the side of the rink where I had left my shoes. I pulled at the bow on the top of my skates so hard the lace broke.

"Bella, look sometimes I say things I don't mean. Uhhh, this is so frustrating." He was crouching in front of me, pulling at his hair. I didn't answer him and instead busied myself with the task of unlacing my skates and replacing my shoes.

"Don't Ed."

"Edward," he said, like he was correcting me.

"What?"

"I'd prefer you call me Edward." He shrugged but looked me in the eye as he said it. "In case I forgot to mention that earlier."

"_What_?" I asked annoyed. I'm pissed at what he said and he's making up new rules about what to call him?

"Look, I'm..." He reached out for my hand, but I pulled it back too quickly.

I picked up my skates and pushed past him. "I have to go," I announced in a hurry. As soon as I walked out of his view and made sure no one else was around, I ran at Olympic champion runner speed to get to my car. Once inside I gasped and gasped for air like I had been just pulled out of the bottom of a swimming pool.

It wasn't his fault. I suspected that anyway, but I was still too freaked out to face him. It was just too much to deal with.

I kicked the cherry bomb into drive and sped back home. Alice was there as I came flying through the front door, slamming it behind me before shedding my jacket and accessories.

"Did the date go that badly?" she asked.

"Where's Esme?" I demanded as I hung up my coat on the hook.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"What's going on you ask? I'll tell you. Jacob Black is dead and he's still fucking with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Esme?" I sniffed the air for her.

"She's not here. It's just me," Alice assured me. "What happened? You didn't hurt him did you? I should have gone with you. I shouldn't have let you go by yourself."

"Ugh!" I sunk down into Emmett's green chair and proceeded to tell Alice every minute of the date, including the gloriousness that was his lips on mine, until Shakespeare ruined it for me.

Alice laughed at me and told me she was glad I hadn't drained my date dry. "So that's it? It sounds like he got a little caught up. He said he didn't mean it."

"Alice! Weren't you listening at all to Esme the other day when we were talking about Justin? She said sometimes a dead person can jack a person's body and mind for a short term. _Imprinting _she called it."

"Yeah, I guess but what does this have to do with Justin? Wait! Oh my God, you found out he's dead?"

"No, not him. Jacob Black!"

"Jacob?"

"It was something he used to do. Quoting Shakespeare was part of his seduction of virgins. He used to brag how all it took was dropping lines from 'Romeo and Juliet' to get girls to spread their… to give in to him."

"Well Bella don't you think that's something a lot of guys do?"

I rolled my eyes at Alice. I guess I didn't know much about four-circle car guy's past, but as smitten as I was with the guy I didn't want to think of him as having potentially ever been that much of a jerk. Of course, he did seem to say he had no shortage of girls when he was playing major league hockey. I'll just bet he did.

"I'm telling you Alice. It was that goddamn Jacob Black! Even dead he's still trying to mess with my head and get to me." I took the time to yell upward toward the universe, "Didn't you do enough to me, asshole?"

"So what did you do when he said that?"

"I got the hell out of there."

"You just left? Without explaining anything to him?"

"Alice what exactly was I supposed to tell him? He told me that sometimes he says things that he doesn't mean, that it wasn't him. I really wish Esme was here. I'm sure she would understand," I whined.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Are you still dreamweaving over this guy?"

"Alice!"

Oh my little troll. I was too angry to have to admit this. I threw up my hands to cover my eyes. "You know I was. Or am. Still."

"If this thing was caused by Jacob Black like you think, then is it Eddie's fault?"

I sighed heavily. She was going to start making sense.

I caved. "No," I huffed.

"And if you walk away from Eddie isn't that letting Jacob Black take something away from you all over again? If Jacob is trying to sabotage something good in your life are you going to allow it to happen?"

"Oh my gosh Alice, you're so right!" I stood up and hugged her tightly. "What would I do without you?"

"Oh without me you'd have probably have gotten yourself staked by Buffy by now or gone to the Volturi and enlisted to be a spy for them or something. "

"That sounds cool. I can do that?" I laughed. "Alice?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Am I a virgin … again?" She giggled at me in response. "Don't laugh! Am I?" I pouted.

"Well I guess you could be if you wanted to be. That first time will all feel so different, so much more electric!"

"Even if it was with _him_?"

Alice giggled a bit more. "Listen we are all set to go to Denali this weekend. You definitely need to meet Aunt Tanya. I think she can help you with these questions more than I can. I may have had sex with a few humans years ago, but it's nothing I can remember too well. And nothing that I want to think too fondly of in front of Jasper, if you catch my drift. We'll leave Saturday morning, okay? It'll be fun."

As I nodded in agreement, the doorbell rang. I looked at her questioningly but then she assured me she had ordered a few things and it was probably UPS delivering. As she walked downstairs to answer the door, my internal GPS tracker on Mr. Masen said UPS wasn't calling.

"Hi. I'm looking for Bella. Is she here?" I heard him say.

"She sure is!" Alice said with too much enthusiasm. "Right this way. You must be Ed Masen."

"I am."

"Ohhhh my, it's nice to meet you. Can I call you Eddie?"

"Not if you expect me to answer."

I laughed to myself as I rolled my eyes. She was always trying to get away with saying these types of things!

"Ooooh, a _Pretty Woman_ fan. I like this one, Bella."

"Judging from the rock on your hand, I'm guessing you must be Alice?"

"I am! Yes, come in! I'd shake your hand but my hands are full. Say…If I can call you Eddie, you can call me Al."

"Nice to meet you Alice, and sorry, as much as I like Paul Simon and his music, I'd prefer you to call me Edward."

I met them at the top of the stairs realizing I had to rescue him from Alice's pop culture overkill. "Sorry, you'll have to excuse my friend Alice here. She has a serious pop culture fixation."

"Yeah, I noticed." He chuckled at Alice, and I wasn't sure if Alice liked that or not. "It's not lost on me Alice, I just prefer Edward."

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused and surprised. "Did you follow me?" Wait how could he have? Either he drives like a freakin' Cullen or he's got a GPS on my car.

He held up my medical kit and pointed to it with his opposing index finger. "You forgot this."

"Oh, I hadn't realized," I said quietly as I took the bag from him and set it down on the dining room table. He followed me to the living room. "But how did you know where I lived?"

He smiled sinfully. "I asked around. A lot of people seem to know the general vicinity of where Dr. Cullen lives." He took the opportunity to glance around the house, pausing to a faraway place for a minute.

"Oh, right."

"Look, can we go somewhere and talk?" He glanced over at Alice who was still standing there.

How's this for a pop culture reference…

Answer: The person checking out Edward Masen's ass.

Question: Who is Alice, the engaged vampire?

If she thinks I missed the fact that she checked out his ass she was sorely mistaken and she was going to be _in jeopardy_.

"Sure, ummm…" I contemplated taking him up to my room but decided that was too risky. "We have a garden out back," I motioned with my thumb like I was hitching a ride.

"Lead the way."

"Eddie, can I get you something to drink? Hot tea or lemonade?"

"Lemonade would be great, thank you. And _this one _still prefers Edward." He smiled at me, never taking his eyes off me to look back at Alice. Oh dear, he must think he is the most recent in a long line of guys.

Alice bulged her eyes at me as a reminder that I had forgotten one of our rules about 'playing the role' of a human in front of humans. "Oh right, how silly of me… Edward. Bella, you're good, right? I mean you aren't _thirsty_ are you?"

She was implying more regarding thirst. "_No_! I mean yes! Yes! I'm good, thanks Alice. You are always such the kind hostess."

"No problem, Bella. I think you've just have a lot on your mind."

Edward walked behind me. "Alice makes it sound like you have a lot of guys showing up at your house unannounced," he said as we reached the French doors that led to the outside patio. I opened the back patio door at the lever, and felt him push and hold it open from above my head. "Is there someone else who might be showing up any time soon?" he asked.

That was a loaded question. It's not like I expected Jacob to 'show up' and yet that is exactly what he did today, but Edward didn't know that. Truth be told, I knew what he was asking, though. We had a discussion in the hospital ruling out Emmett, Carlisle, and Alice but I hadn't openly said I wasn't involved with anyone.

"There hasn't been in months actually." (No one even knew about my last relationship, not even Alice. He was a graduate student at school. Things had ended before Spring Break, thankfully.) I turned to him, just before stepping outside, looking for his reaction but there was none. Our eyes met, and I tried to concentrate on them beyond listening to his heart, until I turned away.

Edward followed me out the back French doors that opened to a cobblestone patio with yellow cushioned lounge chairs and from there we breezed along a cobblestone path that led to Esme's pride and joy, a white picket fenced-in wildflower garden complete with benches and a white arbor that was adorned by sprawling vines and flowers. This had been my sanctuary those first few weeks of my new life, even before my first hunt. Esme kept me company out here as she pruned and weeded and I enjoyed all of the floral scents. I knew the overwhelming sweet smells would be enough to distract me in the presence of Edward and the day's events. Even though at this moment, I thought that I should really be craving a cigarette.

I waited for him to take a seat on a bench and watched as he leaned his elbows into his legs and dropped his head into his hands. He groaned out of frustration.

I stood watching him, wanting to comfort him by putting my now ungloved hand in his and reassuring him that this wasn't his fault, that I believed that.

He looked up at me and waited until he met my eyes. "Look Bella, I'm really sorry about how things ended today. I wish I could explain it better but I'm not sure I know how to. I didn't mean to ask you out as an apology for how I acted in the hospital only to have to apologize to you again."

"It's okay, really. I just freaked out because of what you said …ummm, it reminded me of someone – someone who hurt me."

"I- I-, I had no idea. I'm so sorry." He looked up at me, almost like he was seeing me again for the first time, maybe because we were out in the light of day, which in Forks wasn't very bright, certainly no sparklage.

"My God, you're striking," he said in awe.

I rolled my eyes. "Ahh, right." I laughed to myself slightly over the camouflage.

"You are. I should have just let you walk away. I shouldn't have come," he sighed.

_What? _"No you shouldn't have!" I blurted out too quickly. He was here and I was happy he was here. I didn't want him to just walk away.

"I shouldn't have come?" He looked at me questioningly. "It's just that it wrecked me to watch you walk away and think that I screwed up with you."

"Oh." I replied not being able to tell if this was just more effects of the camouflage. It had to be. There was no way he could be so attached to me. He barely knew me.

"It did. Check my heart. It's still all so out of whack."

He stood up and took my hand cautiously, raising it up and placing it up to his chest. The second my hand made contact the electric current passed through us, and his heart settled into a completely normal rate and rhythm.

"Tell me if you want me to go," he said softly.

"No, that's not what I meant. I'm glad you're here." I slowly lifted my eyes back to his. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, his citrusy breath landing lightly across my face just because he was a head taller than me.

"How do you do that?" he asked quietly with a scrunch of his eyebrows, a wrinkle of his forehead, and a smile hinting at his lips.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Instantly make my world feel like a less complicated place."

"Oh," I grinned, "I bet that line works on all the girls."

"It's not a line."

"Oh come on. What works better for you? Shakespeare or that line? Hopefully you only use the 'I might need CPR' on girls in the medical field."

"It's not a line. And I've never quoted Shakespeare before today. I just know that when I'm with you…, when I'm near you…when you touch me…it feels better..._here_." His right hand covered mine over his heart then moved up to frame my cheek, letting his thumb gently fondle my chin down to the middle of my neck, tilting my chin up slightly... _Good God his thumb was long. _

"_You_ are CPR to me."

I smiled at him, trying to stay grounded in how much I affected him.

He shook his head like he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "I have work meetings, business dinners, and some other prior obligations that will keep me busy through the weekend, but I'd like to see you again next week." His breath and words danced together as they dangled off his lips keeping them anticipatory for what he was going to say next.

He took a minute to skim my nose with his, before unleasing his eyes widely on me.

"Say yes, Doc." His voice was low and husky, inviting and voluntary.

I was helplessly lost in the gaze of Edward Masen. Out in the haze of Forks, amongst the greenery his eyes were swirling waves of emerald in color, whereas earlier in the ice rink they looked like fixed steel gray buttons.

"She says _yes_. Here's your lemonade." Alice was there but I didn't feel Edward move to let me go, and I wasn't ready to disconnect from him either. "Well I'll just leave it on the table here for when you're ready." Alice giggle-snickered as she walked away.

I was still stuck in this perfect trance; it was a moment in time framed by forever. I was captivated by Edward with his heart feeling completely normal and my cold, dead one feeling like it was regenerating within me.

Slowly he leaned in and kissed me, softly placing his lips against mine and making me feel weak in places of my body that were thought to be as hard as marble. He controlled the kiss this time, keeping it slow and tender, while I allowed my hand to remain on his heart and reminded myself that the venom wasn't threatening his mouth. He pulled his lips back once to breathe, "Say yes." He shook his head slightly, "I know it's selfish of me, but I want to be with you more, spend as much time with you as I can."

Despite whatever mojo he seemed to think I was doing to his heart to steady it, it was really Edward who was making _me_ feel better.

"Yes," I whispered back to him. "I want to be with you more, too."

His right hand left my face and stroked through the side of my hair before settling in it, and he used the leverage to slightly pull me in closer to him. He deepened the kiss with a heavy sweeping of his tongue, before pulling away and resting his forehead on mine. His left hand traveled up and covered my hand that still lay on top of his chest.

"Good," he kissed my nose then smiled, pulling my hand down from his heart but keeping it caged in his grasp. "Come on Doc, I just realized you don't have a coat on, and you're freezing. We need to get you inside and warmed up."

_Actually, I was already very, very warm, Edward Masen._

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><p><em>AN; Quite a lot going on in this chapter! So the reason Edward thinks it would be selfish of him to spend time with her is because he knows eventually he'll be leaving the area and moving back to Chicago, right? Or could it be something else?_

_Bella believes Jacob 'imprinted' on Edward. I bet there's one you never thought you'd read in Twilight HET fanfiction. lol _

_**Thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.**_


	13. Sex and the City

A/N: I had such a blast writing this chapter that I wanted to share it and let you know that more of this story is here. So here's where we are at in the story, vampire Bella thinks dead Jacob tried to sabotage her budding relationship with human Edward Masen by imprinting on him (body possession for a short time) Bella gets freaked out but Alice talks her into not holding that against Edward, who still wants to get to know Bella. Bella agreed to go on a road trip with Alice to meet their family in Denali this weekend, which works out because Edward said he was going to be tied up in meetings all weekend for his project at the local amusement park.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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><p>Chapter 13:<p>

Sex and the City

"What if something happens to him while we are away, Alice?" I chewed on my nails. "I mean. . . what if he ends up doing something that lands him in the hospital and I'm not there to…"

"Don't worry! Jazz is going to keep an eye on him." She turned to Esme. "So we're headed to Aunt Tanya's for a girls' weekend. Esme are you sure you won't come?" Alice hummed with an excitement that was almost annoying.

It was true that we were getting out of Forks and heading north above the border. Ed - I mean _Edward_ - wasn't going to be available anyway this weekend. Yes, I had to remind myself to call him that, and I needed to find out why the name change. Usually it's the other way around with given names and nicknames. I've been correcting people to call me just Bella for years. _Just-Bella_. When I had opened the medical kit Edward had returned to me I found my phone inside, which I had forgotten I left in there that day, and a hockey puck with an attached note that Alice had called me out on smiling over as I read it.

_Thank you for indulging me with playing hockey_

_Your choice next time_

_-Edward_

He had to have written that before he came to the house. Pretty smug of him to have assumed there would be a next date. _Date,_ I smiled as I thought to myself. Alice convinced me to leave him something while I was going away, so I had gone over to Charlie's house and baked white chocolate chip cookies. In the hospital he said they were his favorite. Charlie appreciated me leaving some for him, too. Alice helped to package the cookies in a tin and arranged to have them messengered over to Edward's hotel.

So sure I knew what his favorite cookies were and what hotel he was staying in, but there were a few things about Edward Masen I hadn't figured out yet, not just the name request. I wondered why he needed to preface telling me he wanted to spend more time with me with, 'I know it is selfish of me.' That was something_ I_ should have been thinking, that it was selfish of me to want to be in his company. I had a long car ride ahead of me to think on it.

Esme was in a great mood as she answered Alice's question. "Yes dear, I'm sure, but do wish them all well from me and go easy on their cocktails," she answered.

"Cocktails?" I asked. "Like more O negative?" I was a bit worried at the thought as it had been so long since I had human blood. I was afraid of temptation.

Carlisle stepped in, "Don't worry Bella. My sister and her friends have their own version of _cocktails._ And, well, Tanya has her own version of what it means to be a vampire—she's more of a vampiress."

"But she has always shared your vision, correct?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded, "It's best I tell you the story now before you meet them. You see, I hadn't seen my eldest sister Tanya for a good eleven years after I was changed, but when I did see her she obviously knew something was different because I looked the same as the day I had gone missing. Our father was a pastor who had already schooled us about vampires, so Tanya was terrified when she realized what had happened to me. But during those eleven years after I left my real family, my father passed away and Tanya had been in a marriage with a terribly abusive man, a man who had beaten her often enough that he caused her three miscarriages. She was left fragile and shattered."

"Oh, that is awful." I cringed at how horribly cruel another human being could be to another, let alone to a spouse.

"Yes it was. Once we reunited and she realized I wasn't going to hurt her, she begged me to help her get out of her marriage by giving her the strength to stand up to her husband, to protect herself. She wanted me to change her. I felt terribly guilty that I had not been able to help her prior to that day and conceded that changing her would be justified since she was my sister, as long as she committed to the vegetarian vision. She agreed and has done really well with thirst for human blood, probably because she is more so ruled by control and power. I had not yet met Esme and I looked forward to having a family again, companionship with someone I cared for and a chance at redemption. Since becoming one of our kind she has coped with her former life by not allowing any man to control her or take advantage of her. She treats men, ahhh, _human men,_ that is, as toys and for her pleasure. It doesn't make her a bad person, or rather I should say _vampire_. It just makes her…."

I giggled and asked, "A temptress?"

"Auntie Elvira is a vamp tramp!" Emmett walked up to us and offered with a smirk that Carlisle coyly mirrored.

"Emmett, don't call her that!¨ Esme chided defensively. ¨Bella, we try to respect the humans and coexist among them without too much fanfare whereas Tanya likes to flaunt herself a bit more. And Tanya likes to run sort of a women's shelter up there taking in young vampire girls, trying to first introduce them to a diet of animal blood and then encouraging their powers of the feminine persuasion."

Carlisle added, "Yes, and it is that encouragement that worries me.¨

¨A_hem,_¨ Esme cleared her throat, softening Carlisle somewhat.

¨Well, where Bella is concerned, that is.¨ He smiled sweetly at Esme.

_What was I missing in that little exchange?_

Esme stood her ground and intervened on my behalf. "Carlisle, it is ONE fun girls' weekend. Not weeks. _Not months!_ We aren't enrolling Bella in the _Tanya Cullen Succubus Training Program _or whatever it is you think of it. The girls deserve to get away and have some fun. And Bella has done so well…she needs to get away and gain some more perspective on our lives."

Carlisle nodded his head thoughtfully.

¨Besides,¨ Esme pressed on, ¨Your sister's influence isn't all bad." She winked at him. ¨We don't know what Bella's new life will entail, but we certainly can't expect that it will be simply a reflection of just _our_ lives. She's still young and she needs to experience so many things of her own choosing."

I smiled at Esme remembering how we had discussed my conversation with Emmett and she now was on the same page with how Emmett and I were just going to be friends but _just friends._ Carlisle was so right about Esme, her compassion and willingness to listen was the true hallmark of her caring personality and her role in this family. And she was brilliant because to a great extent, she was right. We had no idea what the rest of my existence would entail. Exposure to others who were like us in that they were not out feasting on the humans seemed like a welcome change to me. As much as I loved the Cullens, being in Forks as a vampire too often reminded me of what I was missing out on as a human. I was certainly ready to get out of Dodge if it meant taking my mind off of _him_ and the park and the confused, depressed state I had been walking around in for two days.

I turned to Emmett, "You'll keep tabs on Charlie for me?"

"Hell yeah! We've got games on all weekend!" he replied.

Alice giggled and squealed, "Road trip! We're _Thelma and Louise-in'_ it this weekend!" We headed out the front door to Alice's parked car.

Esme called out to us, "Great, but no going over any cliffs!"_***_

Jasper carried our bags out and packed them into the trunk for us. He kissed Alice passionately but a bit too sloppy for my taste. Alice pulled away giggling then allowed Jasper to resume. When they broke from the kiss _finally,_ Jasper turned to me and smirked before sticking out his tongue.

"What the fuck is that?" I yelled and pulled my face backward at the site of the little silver ball in his mouth.

"You like it? I pierced him myself and then licked the blood," Alice purred. Jasper closed his mouth and kept smirking.

"It's only fair…she got a ring. I got a ring."

Alice cut in, "But I benefit from both."

_Vampire freaks full of devotion to each other._

"It's a better reminder than a lighter." Jasper had waited until I had turned around briefly to say that.

_What the fuck? Nice Jasper._ His words hurt, and he realized it.

"I'm sorry. That was a douche comment." He tried to hug me, and I knew he was going to throw some mental feel-good vibes in but I just couldn't.

"Don't," I clammed up. "Just don't."

"Listen something is up with Carlisle. He's really conflicted about you guys going. He wants you to get away Bella but he feels nervous about Tanya's influence for some reason." Jasper seemed confused. "I can't figure it out."

I had already suspected Carlisle knew about my visitor, despite the fact that Alice and I had aired out the house, but he hadn't brought it up. I wasn't willing to either. Even though Jasper knew about Edward Masen, Alice hadn't spelled out all the details to him.

"Well I can." Alice was matter of fact about the statement like it was clear as day. "C'mon Bella, we've got to hit the road, _it's time_!"

As we sped away I asked Alice what that was all about with Jasper and she waved it off that he gets way too overprotective of her trips to the Denali Coven and that it had more to do with her than me. ¨You'll understand why once you've met them.¨_ Let's hope so because that was rude, _I thought.

Alice drove her yellow car with no hesitancy, always handling the curves smoothly and racing over blacktop with fierce anticipation.

"Bella! I swear if you only knew how many times I wanted to bring you up to Denali with me to visit Aunt Tanya and her friends. They are always such a riot, but when you were human I couldn't risk it. They are way too uninhibited in their behavior and very candid in their discussions."

"I remember you telling me a couple times when you were going to visit your aunt and stay over. I always wished you would invite me." I paused. "At least now I know why you never did. I kind of want to say you were always out of it after those weekends, though."

"Oh, that's the Denali hangover."

I looked at her surprised and questioned, "Hangover?"

"You'll see. You are going to love this weekend! I'm so glad you finally get to share in the fun with me!"

Alice and I sped along the road. About a half an hour into our ride my phone rang.

I reached into my purse but Alice put her arm out to stop me and commanded me. "Don't answer it! You're not ready. Trust me!" I looked down at the phone not even recognizing the number that came up anyway. Then I waited.

_**Beep, beep.** _There was a message.

"Okay let's hear it." She said. We both listened and my eyes went wide as I heard who it was.

We reached Denali and were welcomed open-armed by four strikingly beautiful women that were introduced as Aunt Tanya, Kate, Carmen and finally Irina, who they affectionately called, _Hollywood. _

"Alice, you look wonderful, positively glowing! And much love to you and Jasper on your engagement," said the bright-eyed blonde woman who was introduced to me as Kate.

"Now Alice, you know my views on marriage, so I'm just gonna wish you well and remind you there is still time to get out of this predicament you've created for yourself," said Aunt Tanya.

"Bella, this is what you get with Aunt Tanya…and there is no way, Auntie! I'd never give up a chance to throw myself a wedding and have a party where I would know absolutely everyone there!¨ exclaimed Alice.

I was greeted with welcomes and "we feel like we know you" comments with each introduction. It wasn't surprising that I was already familiar to them, after all, I had already been friends with Alice over the years. After they pulled me in and given me a tour of their grand house and we were back in the parlor, Irina showed up with a tray of drinks.

"Cocktail?" she offered. "We've got _**Bloody Harrys** _and _**Plasmapolitans**_!" she exclaimed in a very proud, sing-song way.

Alice snatched up a rosey pink drink, handed it to me, and pleaded, "Bella you have got to try the Plasmapolitan! They are the best!" Then she turned and grabbed another one for herself. Suddenly I had five sets of very light colored eyes acutely staring at me in speculation as I hesitated.

"Is...is it human blood? Because I don't know if I could handle it…"

The girls all boomed a melodic laugh.

Irina charmed me with an "Oh honey, these will go down much lighter and smoother than any human blood." Each of the women grabbed a drink and Aunt Tanya held her glass up.

"To Alice and Jasper, may they have a forever happiness, even if they do insist on getting married. And to Bella, welcome to our home. Cheers!"

After a proper clinking of glasses, I raised my glass and took a tentative sip. It was absolutely divine -light and sweet.

"What is that?" I blurted out, putting the glass back up to my lips and drinking down more.

"Do you like it?" asked Irina. ¨Do you really?¨

"It's delicious!" I beamed before draining my glass. Irina handed me another.

"Well this, my dear, is the creation of Kate here. Have you ever donated blood?" she asked.

"Yes, in college.¨

"When blood is donated to blood banks they actually run it through a machine to separate the parts. And because I understand you are studying under Carlisle we'll test you on that…" she smirked.

I was still drinking down my delicious drink when I realized she was staring at me… "_Oh right! Uhh..._So you've got your red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets, and plasma."

The girls all seemed exuberant at my basic ninth grade biology knowledge and yelled cackles of celebration. "That's it! See that! Now we can let Carlisle know how much of your medical knowledge you were able to use this weekend. So after some experimenting we realized that we could drink the parts of the blood separately mixed with grain alcohol and some other flavorings to achieve specialty drinks for ourselves with no harm done to our diet or our control,¨ Kate explained.

Then Carmen interjected, "But watch out! It gets absorbed directly into our bloodstream so it hits you kind of quickly!"

¨Come now, let's head out to the patio and relax,¨ Aunt Tanya said. Irina and Carmen followed her. I lingered in place still marveling at the drink.

"So the _**Bloody Harrys**_ are red cell concoctions?" I asked Kate.

"Absolutely!" Kate laughed. ¨Follow me,¨ she said, leading the way to out back.

"But. . .why don't you call it a Bloody_ Mary_?" I heard myself asking the question but wasn't sure if I really wanted to know, thinking there might be some alternate story that explained the name of the drink prior to the 1920s.

Kate stopped.

"Ahh, you see, Tanya's husband's name was _**Harold**_. Are you familiar with the story?" _Yes, _I nodded and smirked, realizing Aunt Tanya did not have a clean track record; Carlisle had truly empowered her enough to exact revenge.

"Wow! That is just absolutely amazing that you were able to figure this all out." I turned to Alice. "Alice, why don't the Cullens ever take advantage of this?"

Alice answered, "Well we have, but not in social ways. Not yet anyway. You got an extra dose of platelets in your newborn cocktail over that first week. Carlisle had been given research stating that it would assist the venom in healing the wounds."

"Oh." Carlisle and his research. The wounds. _Maybe their drinks could heal internal scars._

I turned back to Kate, "What kind of platelet specialty drink do you have?"

"We do a few variations. My favorite is a **_platini,_** shaken not stirred of course, but we are out of platelets right now. Our platelet supply is usually on the smaller side. I'm going to go make another batch up of the plasmapolitans, though." She had led us out the door to the back of the house. Turning to the rest of the group, she smiled. ¨I think our new friend here is going to partake wholeheartedly in our fun with us." She winked at me and nodded to the other girls.

We sat outside on a large patio with modern, stylish furniture around a large fire pit that overlooked a pool. They had to be the only house in the area with an in-ground pool and a housing structure around it. I listened to various stories of the women—how their group came to be and how they have continued to live a peaceful existence among the humans. The conversation took an interesting turn when the subject of Aunt Tanya's favorite male conquests came about. Aunt Tanya had absolutely no qualms about her conquests and proudly recited story after story.

"Jack Kennedy? As in the president?" I asked.

"The very same, while he was back in college, though. He was quite smitten with me, actually. I gave him one of history's most famous quotes. When I had him in a dark basement of a fraternity house, he asked me a question about what I was going to do with him. And I told him, _Ask not what I can do for you, but what you can do for me. _Obviously," she winked, ¨he recycled that line later.¨

"Speaking of smitten, our Bella here has a human admirer," Alice chirped out for everyone to know, much to my embarrassment.

Tanya exclaimed with bright eyes in reaction, "Really! Well now you are talking my language. I just love the warmth and pulse and, ooooh, the eagerness of a human male."

"Well, I mean, he's just visiting Forks on business and doesn't really know anyone else. He doesn't even really know me. But anyway, he'll be returning to his home once his business is done," I replied.

"Perfect, perfect! No strings attached! And tell me, did he ask you out?" Aunt Tanya probed.

Alice piped up, "Oh Bella you have to play that message for them."

"Alice, I_ don't_ really think that is necessary."

"Oh for the love of Plasmapolitans, it is necessary!" Aunt Tanya spoke in her sultry voice. ¨Let's hear it. You can tell a lot about a man from his voice!¨

I pulled out my phone dialed into the voicemail and hit the speaker button.

**"Bella, hey...it's Ed...I mean Edward… Edward Masen. I know I said I was booked all weekend long, but I've had a few cancels and reschedules. I'd really love to see you sooner than we planned. The cookies are uhh, in a word, _out-of-this-world_," he laughed. "Count that as one word. Really, they're great, but I'm gorging on them alone when I'd rather be sharing them with you. Call me."**

Alice giggled. ¨Wow...did you hear how his voice went deeper when he said that last bit? I bet cookies aren't the only thing he'd like to share with you.¨ The girls all laughed.

I kept my eyes down as I disconnected from the voicemail. "I guess I really should call him to let him know I'm out of town for the weekend."

With that Tanya snatched the phone from me. "You'll do no such thing!"

"What, why?" I asked stunned at her strong reaction.

Tanya proceeded to explain herself. "Honey, take it from the original succubus, men _love_ the chase. _They love it,_" she said in a sing-song way and exaggerated the statement with jazz hands. "You don't call him until Monday! Better yet Wednesday! It will do him a world of good to have to sit around and think about you—ponder where you are—and not to mention what you're doing without him this weekend. Give him a chance to imagine some other guy is benefiting from your attention right now. Let him get himself a bit worked up. Calling him back now would only kill the chase."

"I don't know, that doesn't really sound like me."

Tanya winked at me. "Maybe it doesn't sound like the old Bella, but baby-girl, make no mistake about it, you're a goddess now and you just have to flaunt it, taunt 'em, and reel'em in!"

"How do you make it seem like getting physical with humans is so easy?"

The girls laughed. "Well alcohol helps them. But otherwise, you just have to shock the hell at them. Make it so they don't know what hit them. Throw a guy against a wall. Pin him against his car. Pull him into a dark closet. Get his head spinning so he can't think straight. Trust me, as long as you're the one making the first move, he'll surrender. You don't need subtle seduction just an ostentatious advance. And then my dear, that man with the awfully sexy voice - or any man for that matter - will be putty in your hands."

The girls all roared. "I'll drink to that" I heard and then glasses clinked. I zoned out for a minute wondering how easy it could be with Edward Masen.

"But don't we feel cold to them?"

"Sure, but that is why the alcohol and catching them off guard helps. They get so consumed with lust that they find a way to dismiss anything else that they might ordinarily question. Some of them are way too mesmerized by our beauty to even give it a second thought. By the time you are done with them the coldness is not the last thing they would have felt. Know what I mean, jellybeanz?" She grinned.

"But if you were to be dating a human…" I continued.

Irina broke in, "Sweetie we mate, not date. Anything before that is just for our own pleasure."

"Well now that is usually the case sister,¨ Carmen added, ¨but maybe it shall be different for Bella. She _is_ still technically a newborn let us not forget."

Kate spoke up. "Well there is one thing I've been working on that may help."

"Ahhh, you see Kate is our resident chemist. Do tell. Do tell," Aunt Tanya encouraged.

"It was an incidental really of a project I was working on. You see, I was researching a way to help us blend better into society in warmer regions and I was trying to improve the paleness of our skin. You know how we glisten in the sunlight?"

I nodded, following along.

"Well I was trying to find a way to tone all that sparkle stuff down, you know like put a dimmer switch on it, but it never really worked out. What I did discover, though is that if you introduce keratin into our systems, it helps to improve the color of our skin, brings it up to a more natural fleshy tone. We can look less pale.¨

"Does it work?" I asked.

"Oh yes, it is still somewhat experimental, but as of now, it doesn't have lasting effects. You have to maintain a steady diet of the keratin in order to keep up that appearance."

"One of our girls is using it right now. She's part of a ballet company that had a chance to travel south. She's actually returning home soon, said she was stopping through your area on the way home to check into getting a new hot rod for herself now that the tour she was on is over. Pity you'll have missed meeting her. Our Rosie is beautiful and smart. She's a wonderful dancer. She's done well with us, though I fear her heart is ready to move on.¨

¨Is she one of your recruits?¨

Four sets of eyes stared over at me. ¨Recruits?¨ Irina laughed. ¨Oh Tanya, the way your brother must spin stories. If he was Rumplestiltskin he'd surely spin lead instead of gold!¨

I was handed another drink, and Aunt Tanya came to sit by me. ¨It's true, we do take opportunity to help other vampires, especially young ones because we try to promote the lifestyle we lead. Let me correct myself, I'm referring to the way we only eat animals.¨

¨You see,¨ Kate took over. ¨If vampires ravaged the land eating all the humans, they'd deprive Tanya and _Hollywood_ here of all their human conquests.¨

Irina giggled. ¨We can't have that happen!¨

¨No, Hollywood, we can't.¨ Aunt Tanya confirmed. ¨You see young Bella, many vampires have come through here and feel lost, the same as I'm sure you've felt. We have no problem sharing our wisdom and experience. It doesn't always land on eager ears, though. We've had a few come through that may have learned how to hone self-control around the humans but refused the vegetarian way.¨

¨Oh that last redhead was having none of it! We shudder to think what she's out there doing. We greatly underestimated her intentions,¨ Kate sighed. ¨Such a waste!¨

¨Yes, sister, but imparting our views on others of our kind is always a fifty-fifty type thing. Still, I'm not unhappy with those that have been able to go on and do so well. Look at Esme!¨

¨Wait, _Esme_ was...¨

¨Yes, dear! We initiated her through this group, and then I introduced her to my brother. It was the best thing to ever happen to him. Interesting how things work out sometimes, isn't it?¨ Aunt Tanya glowed. I turned to Alice who was happily situated on a lounger. She smiled in return with a quick nodding of her head. Alice took the time to tell everyone that Esme said hello. I thought back to the wink she gave Carlisle this morning when she tried to assure him the influence of these women wasn't all bad. I giggled internally. She was talking about herself. And Carlisle. So many things still to learn about my family and this life and how to go about the day to day of forever. . .

My head swirled and I had to take a seat on the lounger next to Alice, extending all of my jelly limbs. I could barely muster up the strength to use my vampire speed, instead shuffling over at a pace that would be considered slow even for a human.

¨Come now girls, let's let our new friend here sit back and enjoy her inebriated state for now and we'll prepare for a late night hunt.¨

My hand held my head and I whimpered slightly. Thoughts of calling Edward Masen seemed all jumbled up with thoughts of being with him and staying away from him or letting him think I had the attention of other guys. None of it would settle into spaces in my mind in an order that made any sense. Instead it was like having fifty ping pong balls all being bounced and batted back and forth through my mind though they somehow never collided.

¨Alice, I feel so weird. Light and mixed up.¨

¨Isn't it lovely?¨ she responded laying on the lounger as if she were a human working on a suntan. ¨It comes and goes quickly so enjoy it now.¨

Twilight had passed, and the night sky settled in. I could see the stars so much more clearly in Denali. I looked trying to focus on a star, knowing I could never make out the various constellations. ¨You know if Emmett were here, he'd be able to show you all the constellations, starting with Ursa Major," Alice said.

I giggled. ¨That's Emmett, always has his eye out for the largest bear he can find!¨ I laughed more. ¨Oh my God, do you hear me? Me and myself talking just sounds so messed up.¨

¨Just enjoy it, Bella,¨ Alice pleaded again.

¨They're not going to take me to a bar to make me test out their suggestions are they? Because if so, I'd really, _really _want Edward Masen to be at that bar.¨

¨No silly! But we should go to a bar to watch them in action.¨

¨Aunt Tanya and Irina are like the Samantha Jones and Carrie Bradshaw of the West Coast, aren't they?¨

¨A pop culture reference! Oh Bella, yes they are!¨

I tried to whisper. ¨Alice, why do they call Irina, _Hollywood?¨_

¨HA!¨ Alice bellowed a laugh.

Suddenly Irina was standing there. Tall, beautiful, eyes that sparkled and a sinful smile on her face as well as a tray in her hand. ¨Another drink?¨she offered, to which Alice and I both accepted.

Irina pulled up a chair to sit beside us. ¨Allow me to explain my nickname. It's quite simple actually. In my human life, I was a far cry from how I look now. I grew up in an era of thick Coke-bottle glasses that I needed to wear to see and a face that was horribly hidden by acne. I was the oldest of seven, and I had to help raise my younger siblings. Within my family, I knew who I was and what my responsibilities were. But in school, I was treated horribly. I believe the term they use these days is _bullied _for the way I looked. My mother and I handmade our clothes too, so I was far from sporting anything fashionable. The popular boys never paid me any attention at all. So once I became a vampire and had all this," she motioned up and down from her face to her feet, ¨I sought out the popular people. I needed to find out if I could command their attention.¨

¨And by popular people you mean?¨ I asked.

¨I mean the stars. . .in _Hollywood.¨ _

¨Ahhh, I see now,¨ I said, preparing to hear how it went.

"So, I've been all through Hollywood over the years, like the respectable slut I am." She laughed casually.

¨Share a few with her,¨ urged Alice.

¨Well, a lady doesn't really kiss and tell, but I'm not much of a lady." Again, Irina donned that smile of sin. ¨Let's see...over the years there's been Frank Sinatra. Pfft...don't know why ladies got their panties in a tizzy over him. His best asset was his ability to croon but he was a lousy drunk. There was Stallone.¨ Irina laughed. ¨He was a lot of man to handle. The gloves were definitely left off when it came to me with that one. Then there was Eddie Murphy. I feel sorry for the human women who've had to put up with his jokes during sex. For me, I knew it kept him distracted but ugh, what I had to endure during that encounter! Thank goodness it was pre-Shrek donkey voice! Who else, let me think. Oh! Keanu Reeves. Ah yes, I gave him the ultimate _excellent adventure._ And Julia Roberts has nothing on me! She may have dated both Kiefer Sutherland and Jason Patric but back in the 80s, I gave those _Lost Boys _an authentic vampire experience. At. The. Same. Time.¨

My drink was finished and I about rolled off the lounger in laughter. ¨You're killing me!¨

¨Who else?" Alice begged. ¨Tell us more!¨

¨John Travolta. That man was suffering from a case of Saturday night fever and I was his cure one weekend. Though, between me and you, I think the rumors about him are true, not that it hindered my experience. I got what I needed from him. He just happened to be the one that I wanted . . .that night.¨

Alice and I threw in a sing-song, ¨Ooh, ooh, ooh!¨ to complement her story.

¨I'd have to say my most well known, er, conquest was someone you might know well from the news these last few years. Although, this was a while back, before Angelina." Irina smirked at the look on my face as I realized who it was she was referring to. "Don't confuse 'well known' with 'enjoyable' though. To be honest, Brad was kind of a disappointment. Very..._vanilla_." Irina handed me another drink and almost seemed to wait until I took another sip before she added with a wink, "Now, Jennifer, on the other hand, was quite enjoyable."

I half choked on the Plasmapolitan before just gulping the whole thing down.

¨Do you see now why Jazz isn't thrilled about me coming up here?¨ Alice asked. ¨He thinks I'm going to have excursions with Irina or Aunt Tanya that will end badly for us.¨ _Ahh, yes, now his little hissy fit made more sense. _

¨He's just showing some insecurity. No worries, I don't need a wing girl.¨ Irina smiled. ¨Though my days of _Hollywood _have slowed down. I've more than made up for my human life, proved to myself over and over that I can get exactly who I want. I just never wanted anything long-term with any of them. Maybe someday that will change but for now, I feel fulfilled. Do you feel fulfilled with the prospect of marriage to Jasper?¨ _  
><em>

¨I do,¨ Alice replied.

¨Good,¨ said Irina. ¨And that leaves you, Bella, and figuring out what in this life will fulfill you.¨

¨That is the question.¨

¨You don't need to figure it out this weekend, though. And with those drinks in you, you won't figure out much of anything.¨ Irina laughed, hugged me and then disappeared into the house.

Not long, out sauntered Kate. She plopped herself down in the chair that Irina had been sitting in and told us she was enjoying our visit. Her attention was more directed to Alice. ¨Anything more?¨ she asked.

Alice simply shook her head before saying how sorry she was.

¨It's okay. I'm just going to keep on hoping.¨

¨Here, let me try again.¨ Alice reached out and placed her hands over Kate's. She closed her eyes. ¨No, nothing.¨

I looked at them both expectantly before Kate broke down and explained that her biology experiments were merely a distraction while she waits for her love, Garrett, to return to her. ¨He's on the run from the Volturi, and I haven't heard from him in a year.¨

_Ahh, there's that name again. The Volturi. _¨So, he's a vampire?¨

¨Yes. One of us. He left with only a note not to follow him. He didn't want to put me in harm's way. In all my experimentation, I'm really trying to find something so useful to the Volturi that I can offer it up in exchange for his freedom so that we can be together again. I feel like I'm onto something big, but I don't know if handing over something powerful to them will ultimately hurt our covens.¨

¨Do they know about your cocktails?¨ I asked.

¨No, and I'm pretty sure I'd have to offer them more than this to buy Garrett's freedom.¨

¨What is it that they are after Garrett for?¨ I persisted curious about the circumstance. ¨What did he do?¨

¨He came across some information. Witnessed they had their hands in their own kind of experimentation. He wouldn't tell me much about it. If I were to ever come up against Aro, he could read my mind and know whatever Garrett knows. They want him dead, but Garrett has stayed underground.¨

¨I've only ever had one vision of Garrett,¨ Alice offered quietly. ¨He was calling Kate and telling her that he was safe and that he was coming back to her.¨ Kate smiled over at Alice.

¨He hasn't made that phone call yet, but at least that is _something_ to go on. I feel like it means I'm going to figure out something that will be powerful enough to the Volturi to exchange it for Garrett's life. I just don't know when or what.¨

¨I'm sure you will,¨ I said hopefully.

¨In the meantime, it's hard being away from him, but I'm so thankful to have my friends, my family. . .including new members!¨ Kate hugged me and welcomed me again. ¨Especially ones who enjoy my latest concoctions. If you ever need anything dear, let me know.¨

Ï nodded to her with a thank you as she stood and commented on the way the moonlight glistened on the surface of the pool. ¨I know he's out there, looking at the moon too when he gets a chance, thinking of me. We have a bond.¨

_A bond. _All of this talk made we want to sneak off to call Edward. Just as I was about to excuse myself, Carmen joined us, pulling up another chair. The hours were passing so quickly. She asked if Alice had brought about good news of Garrett but was given the answer solemnly. Carmen told Kate not to worry and that they would come to a solution together. Carmen shared with us her history of growing up in South America without a mother, and a father who built things. ¨I did not have regular toys or dolls growing up, so I learned to tinker with my father's tools. I'm the one that fixes things here around the house and sometimes build things. When I became a young woman, I found my talent in my artwork and my voice. I paint and I love to sing, so occasionally I travel and sing shows in clubs. Nothing too mainstream, as I have no desire for stardom. Just a small audience and a stage is all I need on any given night.¨

¨Sure, that's all you need,¨ Kate jabbed her.

¨Sometimes," she smiled, ¨I admit I need the male companionship of one of those audience members. You see Bella, in my country, I was captured and cruelly turned into a vampire by someone who wanted me as his mate. I wanted nothing to do with Laurent, told him I already loved another. My words enraged him, and he left me a newborn on my own to fend for myself. Realizing what I had become after my first kill, I went back for my fiance, but when I returned to him, he was horrified. I ran off into the forest by my home I struggled with the decision before realizing what I had to do. I had to turn him into one of us so that we might be together, _whether he wanted it or not._ I waited for nightfall planning to change him, but when I returned to him, it was too late. I had led Laurent to him, and he had killed him, taken him away from me forever. _My Tomas!¨ _She signed and placed her hand over her heart. ¨Ah, but this was many moons ago.¨

¨And you still miss him?¨ I wondered.

¨Yes, but I am at peace with it now with the help of a friend.¨ She smiled at Alice.

¨Alice?¨ I looked at her.

¨No, it was Esme. She and I found our way to Tanya and Kate about the same time and have been great friends ever since then. Somehow she channels Tomas' spirit and that's allowed me to communicate with him. He has assured me that he is at peace and I am here half-living, waiting for some mysterious tall, dark and handsome man to arrive in my life, per Alice.¨ She laughed.

¨I've seen it. It's going to happen,¨ Alice declared passionately because Carmen expressed doubt with her laugh.

Carmen waived her off. ¨Yes, yes, in my country, we have many a street fortune teller growing up, and I continue to take a wait-and-see attitude. In the meantime, I take a charitable approach to helping the lives of others, often by joining forces with Esme. You may see me at an upcoming charity dinner that we are planning to benefit your hospital in Forks.¨

Aunt Tanya and Irina had rejoined us outside. ¨Shall we hunt? We have many wonderful sights to show you Bella, and after the cocktails, a bit of animal blood serves as a nice chaser.¨ We all agreed that was a good idea, and I was actually up for the exploration of new land to break up the monotony of the Forks countryside.

_I knew now why Alice had brought me here. _All of these women had their own interesting stories proving how they had found their way as vampires. I spent the rest of the weekend immersed in their little area of the world, enjoying the sites and smells of the land, as well as witnessing them using their own vampire talents. And almost as if it was meant to be, while in the woods, we came upon a young newborn, shaking and desperate to quench her thirst. The Denalis immediately helped her drain a large elk and offered her a place with them. She told us her name was Bree, but couldn't share much else.

¨Is she going to be okay?¨ I asked as Alice and I packed up the car for our return trip.

¨I think so. This is what they do. You see it worked out for Esme,¨ Alice quipped.

¨They're wonderful, Alice, and I'm so happy to have met them all. You sneaky troll, I know now what you were doing with this trip.¨

¨Did it work?" she beamed and clasped her hands together, grinning widely. ¨Did you decide what you are going to do about him?¨

¨Maybe." I smiled. _Maybe it worked too well, as I was so distracted that I forgot about calling Edward Masen back._

~x~

On Sunday night, we had said our goodbyes and expressed well wishes and gotten back on the road. I was due in for 2 am rounds with Carlisle but I felt so sluggish. I had never missed being able to sleep more than I did now.

¨Hey Alice, did you happen to see the picture of Rosie?¨

¨Yep, petite and pretty. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?¨

¨That a blonde vampire who likes hot rod cars might be perfect for Emmett?¨I asked.

¨Bingo!¨

¨Is there any way we can get them together?¨

¨Well no guarantees, but we must end up being friends with her in some way because she was there in the vision of my wedding.¨ Alice shrugged. ¨I had wondered who she was.¨

* * *

><p>AN:

***This is a little ode to how book Esme who Carlisle found after she tried to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff. Just a little Double entendre.

Thanks to my friend Danielle who contributed the Brad Pitt section of this chapter and was willing to give me some feedback. :-)

So now, how do you think Bella will proceed with Edward? Will she take Aunt Tanya's advice or not?

I hope you liked seeing the Denali women as more of the Sex and the City girls, and I'm hoping it was a little bit of a different spin on them then what we usually find in fanfiction. Don't worry Tanya will never have any special interest in Edward in this story.


	14. Different Strokes

A/N: Very excited to have been rec'd over at A Different Forest in October out of the blue! This story is built around a few mysteries that are building.

Please check my profile for the link to my story's new banner (thanks to one of my readers!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><strong>A Guiding Heart: <strong>

**Different Strokes**

A soft tap against the door met my clouded ears as I fought to keep the room from spinning. All of my senses felt dulled but I could still smell him.

¨Hey champ, how was the visit with the extended family?¨ Emmett stuck his head into my room and yelled hoarsely.

I moaned into the new pillow Esme bought for me as I held myself on my comfy burgundy chair, covering my temples with my hands. ¨Emmett, why do you have to talk so damn loud?¨

¨Well what do we have here? You're in the fetal position, covering your eyes, feeling sluggish. I haven't seen you like this since the morning after your graduation party. A little hungover are we? We warned you to go easy on the cocktails.¨

I groaned at the thought of the party and at the feeling in my head. ¨I thought I was...ugh, I didn't have any more than Alice did.¨ I was whiny.

¨But Alice has gotten used to them. You're still a newborn. And that means, their concoctions were bound to mix in with your blood a _little_ differently. Were they good?¨

My head perked up. ¨So good that _I'll never, ever _drink them again."

"Yeah, that's what they all say." Emmett laughed heartily.

"How was game weekend with Charlie?"

¨Oh, right. About that, uhh, you should probably call him. I didn't end up having the time to go hang out with him.¨

¨What? Why the hell not, Em?¨

¨Okay look, I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell anyone yet, but I figure I owe you a good reason here. I got distracted because, well, I met someone.¨

_So much for our plan to introduce him to Rosie._

¨That's great," I mustered.

¨But you have to be open minded about her.¨

¨Why?¨

¨You're the only one I'm telling this too, and only because I truly am sorry that I didn't hang with your Dad this weekend, but she's just so intoxicating. She's not one of us.¨

¨You mean she's human?¨ My face lit up, thinking Emmett and I would have the same struggles, could share strategies.

¨Human? Hell no. I mean she partakes in traditional hunting.¨

¨Oh,¨ I lamented.

¨And I don't know how the rest of the family is going to feel about that.¨

¨Have you dated other ones?¨

¨Yeah, but more casually, not like this. This one is special. It's been a whirlwind the past few days, and I might want to leave Forks with her. I was going to discuss it with Carlisle, but he's away right now.¨

¨Leave Forks?" I sat up straight. "And Carlisle is away? Where is he?¨

¨I think he went to Chicago on business. He left a note saying your 2 am rounds are cancelled. He doesn't want you in the hospital without him.¨

¨Just great." I flopped back into my chair. ¨So tell me more about this woman that you are willing to up and leave for. I can't believe you'd do that. You're supposed to be helping me. And what about Alice's wedding?"

¨I'd be back for that. I'm telling you Bluebells, she's incredibly persuasive. Strong, fast, beautiful. That's all you get for now. So tell me more about your trip.¨

¨The Denali clan is ..." I paused for a vampire beat. They were so many things but the bottom line, was that they were enjoyable to hang out with. "In a word? _Cool._¨

_¨In a word?_¨ Emmett laughed. ¨Which one of the vamp tramps did you pick that annoying line up from? I've never heard you say that in my life!¨

¨Oh,¨ I think I blushed internally. ¨It's something this guy I know says. Emmett, I met someone too, and since we are sharing secrets, I guess I'll tell you that he's human. And I'm all torn up about what to do. Carlisle wants me to stay away from him. The Denali clan literally coached me on how to jump his bones.¨

¨Whoa, whoa whoa!_ Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?_ That's two very different extremes you're debating.¨

"Have _you_ ever been with a human?"

"Sure I have." He smiled sinfully like it was, in some way, a foregone conclusion.

I explained meeting Edward Masen in the hospital and then him calling me. ¨I know it's probably just the camouflage he is attracted to Emmett, but . . . I want to believe it's more than that. Even if that's all it is, I don't care. And Carlisle, ugh! He's treating me like a child.¨

¨Because he's the parent of this operation. Carlisle is just concerned about you being a newborn still. He's always felt so responsible for me in this life, as I'm sure he feels for you now. Like any parent, he wants you to make good choices for you and ones that will protect our family. But that said and done, sometimes, we have to prove to him that the choices we make, or want to make, are good for us. Want my advice? Find some middle ground. Let Carlisle and Esme get a chance to see him and you interact so they can judge for themselves. Maybe it's more than the camouflage.¨

¨Is that what you plan to do with your new mystery woman?¨

¨Probably not," he smirked.

"Do I at least get to hear her name?"

"When you meet her."

"Does this mean . . . are you going to give up Carlisle's vision?"

Emmett didn't answer me but instead said he'd be back later with an elixir that should help ease the hangover for me. I called Charlie and told him that I'd be over one evening this week to cook him dinner and needed some time to chat with him.

"Should I be concerned?" Charlie asked.

"Uh, no, Dad. I just. . . sometimes a girl just needs her daddy."

"I'm always here, honey. You know that. And I always love your cooking, so I'll be looking forward to our visit."

* * *

><p>~x~<p>

Carlisle returned the next day, apologizing that I missed out on rounds. I was still feeling so sluggish despite Emmett's concoction of blood that he wouldn't divulge what was in it. Carlisle offered no information about his trip, only that it was in regard to patient dealings. I didn't push things, though I was skeptical that he went to Chicago, the same town Edward Masen was from. When I mentioned the coincidence, Carlisle again reminded me that I should keep my distance from Edward.

On Tuesday evening, the phone call from Edward came saying that he's aware I had a busy weekend, but he was hoping to hear from me. "I'll be working at the park the next few days," he mentioned, throwing in how easily I could find my way there to visit him. I wanted to, but I felt I should keep my distance from him right now.

Still, somehow I just couldn't resist. _I just need to see him and make sure he's okay, _I told myself.

It was my second day of dropping by the park to check on Edward - without him realizing it naturally, because I was hiding out in the trees. _Bella Swan, Double-O Loser. _He wore charcoal grey dress pants with a navy button-down shirt today and a coordinating sports coat today. Productive in his dealings on the phone and continuously making notes on his clipboard as he strolled through a particular area of the park, Edward seemed to be getting a lot done. Did he have to look so good while getting it done? I knew I could just drop in, like he asked. _I didn't want to interfere with his work,_ I told myself.

As I jumped from tree to tree, something caught my eye, hanging from one of the branches that I hadn't spotted yesterday. It was a small box hanging from a little chain. What is that? _Oh! I know what this is! One of those photo key chains! _The park stopped making those when I was still working here. I snatched it up and held it up to the barest amount of light streaming through the fog. It was a picture of a family going down the log flume, panic in the eyes of the young girl in the picture and the small boy's mouth wide open, screaming. I wondered how this got here before deciding it was the casualty of the ski lift overhead.

As I held it up again, it hit me. _I had one of these, too! From one night long, long ago. _

As a sudden **_memory flash_** hit me, I found myself leaving the site Edward was at and making my way through more thick branches, jumping from tree to tree, along the perimeter of the park until I came upon the fountain area, located not far from the swings, sparking my irrational fear of flying off the swing and landing in the water. The structure was drained now that the season was over and covered with a thick black tarp.

_"Bella! There you are, we've been waiting for you," Mark said. _

_"We ran into each other." Justin coated the conversation by gesturing between us. "Went on a couple of rides. She's here now. See you Saturday, just-Bella," Justin said. _

_"Bye," I said as I watched him walk away knowing he had just asked me out on an official date, right at the base of the Ferris wheel._

My feet barely touched the stone pavement as I ran to the Employee Dining area. The same tall tree I used to lean against while smoking was still there. I marveled that I could now climb it if I wanted to. It was still the best seat in the house, allowing for a good view of so many of the rides and fireworks. My fingers dug down into the bark, easily securing my grip as another memory flash hit me.

_"It's easy, just-Bella. All you do is find a little knot hole in the tree to stash your half-smoked butt in for later. Lighter, too." _

Huh! _Lighter? _My grip on the tree eased, and I reached around the tree, hoping to find..._Found it! _Inside a small divot in the tree, hidden by an overgrown layer of bark, I found the red lighter from the pack of Ski and Skies lighters. This lighter was still half full of fluid. I turned the metal roller three times before it lit. _It still works! _"Ha!" I celebrated to myself. "It still works!"

"What still works?"

"Ahhh!" my head screamed, but my body instantly contorted into a protective crouch.

"Bella, it's okay! It's just me!"

"Mary Alice Troll Brandon! What the hell are you doing here, sneaking up on me? You scared the plasma out of me!"

"I know," she beamed in a sneaky way.

"How'd you know I was here?"

Alice squinted her eyes, one eyebrow raised. And I knew. It wasn't even a vision that led her here. It was just me.

"We'll chalk this one up to pattern behavior of the swan."

"Pattern behavior? Jesus, it's only been two days of . . ."

"Of what, Bella! Say it."

"I mean . . . he invited me to come say hi to him here. And I was going to today . . . maybe . . . but until then . . . I was just spying on him instead." My head dropped down, my stance relaxed. "I don't know why I'm so afraid to face him Alice. I just keep thinking its just going to take me a few days to get past the hangover then I'll be ready."

"So you are using the Denali cocktails as your excuse? This is more pitiful than I thought. I'm here because I had a vision of him leaving. So, you might want to consider making your move sooner rather than later."

"When? When is he leaving?"

"I'm not sure, but it felt like maybe in a week or two. I could see the back of his car, leaving Seattle and heading east."

"That's too soon! How does . . . What do I . . ." I slid the lighter down into my pocket inconspicuously.

"Is he doing okay? I mean, his heart and all."

"Yeah, Alice, from what I've heard, his heart is steady. Strong even."

"What have you got there?"

Holding the key ring out to her, "Oh this? It's just one of those old photo key rings. I found it in the trees."

Alice looked through. "Oh I remember these. In fact, I have a couple of these of you and I. Do you remember?"

I shook my head. "No, actually, I don't. I keep getting flashes of some memories, but other things I can't grasp."

"Well I'll find mine and then maybe it will jog your memory. But, it's like we've told you from the beginning, some memories will just be gone. Is that what you are doing here? Trying to fill in the memory gaps?"

"Yeah, I think so. Alice, you know how we talked about Mark, the guy I hooked up with at my graduation party?"

"Yeah, sweetie."

"Did I sleep with him?" I whispered. "I can't remember. Was he my first?"

"No Bella."

"Then who was?"

Alice looked at me with sad, puppy dog eyes. She didn't want to tell me, and her look was making me not want to know.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"Maybe its best if you keep working on remembering. I don't want any transference of anger onto me if I can help it."

"Ugh troll, you are impossible!"

"Just, try to recall it on your own. If you aren't going to approach Edward today, then let's go take one more glance at him, your here and now, and then go hunt."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Who is Emmett dating?**_


	15. Grey's Anatomy

A/N: Thanks to my wise friend D for giving me some insight to these past couple of chapters, though I don't think I successfully followed her advice. :-)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

><p>A Guiding Heart:<p>

**Grey's Anatomy**

I had rounds with Carlisle then researched in his office as usual that night, staring at the phone, hoping it would ring and be Edward. Then I found myself daydreaming of him showing up in the hospital for his condition. _What was wrong with me? _

Once my shift was over, Alice and Esme cornered me about doing a wedding planning trip to look at exotic flowers. I was pretty sure they were just trying to distract me. When we returned in the afternoon, I took one more run through the park, looking for Edward. I spotted him briefly. He was being delivered coffee by a woman who led him through another area of the park. _What is that she's doing? _Every time she laughed, she held onto his shoulder like she needed to brace herself to keep from spilling her coffee. _But hell, she laughs at everything! _I heard him saying how strong the coffee was and how that was perfect to get his heart going. And there she was laughing. And then . . .her hair . . . her long blonde hair suddenly needed flipping. I rolled my eyes. _"_It's the strongest roast they had," I heard her tell him, adding in, "just for you!" Her phone rang and she excused herself to take it. It was so simple to marvel at the easy pace of Edward's heart despite the caffeine he was drinking. He stopped, looking around him. His hand slightly covered his heart before Ms. Zippity Doo Dah was back saying she needed to head back to handle a few things at her office. Edward shook her hand politely and thanked her for making the time to come by. She handed him her card with a wink and strutted away in her 4-inch heels. _Ugh! _At least she didn't invite him over for dinner. That was all the spying I could take today. Knowing he was fine satisfied me, and I headed out, texting Charlie to see if this would be a good night for a visit.

When the answer back from Charlie was _yes, _I stopped for supplies to make a ham dinner with macaroni and cheese and picked him up a pie. Charlie wasn't home yet when I arrived at the house, so I threw together the dinner quickly and put in it the oven before I headed up to my room. As I looked around, I realized Charlie was never going to make any changes to it or get around to cleaning. I spied the desk and decided to avoid it, instead retrieving the vacuum cleaner from downstairs and running it through the whole house. Once I was done, I found myself back in my room.

_Maybe I'll look through some of my medical texts._

A quick glance over at the desk threw me. I wasn't going to go into that drawer. _Oh fuck! _I was standing in front of the desk already, opened up the bottom drawer and looked for the key ring. I dug through to the bottom until finally..._found it! _A picture of Justin and I going down the log flume, set in an old scratched and dulled plastic holder that I had to hold up to the light and look down into. My mouth is wide open from screaming. Justin's arms are around me. He looked cool. He always looked cool.

I opened the window and pulled my arm back with the key chain in my hand, ready to chuck out into the sky but . . . _Ugh. _Nope. Couldn't do it. Instead the memory overtook me.

_It had been a normal summer day at work but I was ready to clock out for the day and head home for dinner. Mark and Geoff had tried their best to get me to say I would be back later for 'employee night' as I left my shift. One night each summer, the park closed early to the usual customers and stayed open in limited capacity to the employees. "Everyone goes. And the managers are the ones that have to operate everything. You have to go," Mark pleaded. "Go with me."_

_It never occurred to me that Mark was asking me to go as his date. I turned to Geoff and asked, "Are you going?" to which he replied that he was. "Okay then, I'll check with Jessica. Where should we meet up with you guys?"_

_"By the fountain," Mark said. "Around 9 pm."_

_When I returned to the park later that evening with Jessica, she ditched me all too quickly because she was supposed to meet Andy in the office. There was no way I was going to ask what went on in that office. So I dropped her off, then made my way back to the employee in the large tree-lined lot. As I walked quickly and approached the parking spots closest to the sidewalk area, there he was, leaning back on his motorcycle holding out a cigarette, looking at his phone. It had only been a few days since he had seen me smoking. This time I made my way over to him._

_"Hey," I said. "Sorry I still haven't made it down to your area of the park."_

_"Just-Bella. I wondered if you would be here tonight."_

_"Are you leaving for the day or . . . "_

_"Yeah. I wasn't planning on staying but if you promised me a few rides, then I guess I'd have to stay." He took the last drag off of his cigarette then stomped it out with his boot against the pavement._

_"Sure. What rides did you have in mind?"_

_"Hmmm...well for one the log flume then, I don't know. I've always wanted to ride the Ferris wheel with a pretty girl once it is..."_

_"All lit up," I smiled at him and checked my watch. Jess and I had gotten here early and oh my God did he just call me pretty?_

_"Yeah."_

_"Well I have to meet up with some of my coworkers in a little bit, but we could go in now. That'll leave you some time to go find a pretty girl."_

_"I meant you, just-Bella." He hopped off his bike. "Lead the way."_

_I had to bring it up. "I never get a chance to see Alicia or Lauren since taking the position at the games stand."_

_"Well get used to it. Alicia took a job inside the office and Lauren got fired."_

_"Fired? What for? Oh sorry, maybe that's none of my business. I know you two are. . .uhhh. . .close."_

_"Close?" He laughed. "Yeah, I had a feeling that maybe you got the wrong idea about me and her that night of the party."_

_"What idea should I have gotten?"_

_We walked through the park, flashing our ID badges to get past the gates, heading toward the log flume. As we approached a small alcove in the park that housed a bench, he sat down, patting the seat next to me. "Lauren liked to make a show out of throwing herself at me. I'm a guy, I didn't shut it down. She was friendly with my sister, but . . ."_

_"It's okay. I get it." I had to stop him before he got too far with his confession. I honestly didn't want to hear about how big the Lauren and Justin show got. She had made it quite clear just how much she wanted him._

_"I haven't even seen her since she got fired."_

_"Why did she get fired?"_

_"She had a couple of no-shows. There's a lot you can get away with while working at this place, but that's not one of them."_

_"And why did Alicia take an office job?"_

_"My sister? She's smart, like you, just-Bella. She wants to keep the books for the family business someday and took a job doing payroll in the office. She needs the experience to get a scholarship to go to school. Selling hot chocolate wasn't going to look that great on her applications."_

_We took the long way through the park, and somewhere along the way as the darkness had settled in the sky but the colorful lights that decorated the rides danced around us, Justin took my hand and helped to lead me along the path as if I didn't know my way. As we passed by the Icee stand where we had first met, he gently yanked on my hand, until we were behind the small building, away from the lights._

_"What are we doing?" I laughed with bright eyes._

_"Having a smoke," he replied, "to celebrate where we first met."_

_"But I left my cigarettes in the car."_

_"Don't worry. There's a little knot hole in the back of this stand where I keep some cigarettes stashed."_

_He swung a loose board sideways from the bottom part of the small building where we had met and pulled out a half-empty pack of cigarettes. "And look at this." He held up the blue lighter. "I wanted it to be here when you finally came to collect it." I let him light my cigarette and we both smoked, remarking how the air had gotten chilly. We laughed as he told me stories about his high school, including stupid pranks he had played on his teacher. As we finished, he blew smoke in my face and leaned in to kiss me sending tingles all the way through me that settled into my cheeks as blush and clouded my ears. He perfected the kiss with an ending peck on my nose, and just as I was about to lean in to kiss him all over again, he smirked and began to whisper words that were interrupted by the loudspeaker on the pole above us._

_"Welcome to Employee Night! We have a fantastic..._Mmmm_...night in store..._Oh God_...for everyone in appreciation.._.Jess_..." It was Andy's voice, but the announcement ended abruptly. Justin and I laughed, not believing what had just happened._

_"Yeah, I think I'll tell Alicia to make sure she hoses down her desk tomorrow." Our cigarettes were out, and he took my hand in his firmly. "Maybe we'll have to continue this on the Ferris wheel later."_

~x~

I was so deep in the memory that I didn't hear Charlie's car pull up to the house. "Hey kiddo, I'm home. Are you here?" Charlie called from just inside the door.

"Be right down!"

Charlie fixed his plate after I pulled dinner from the oven. He took two bites and acted like he was famished and in heaven.

"So what's up, kiddo?"

"Nothing's up."

Charlie put his fork down and wiped at his mustache with a napkin. "Come on, you're sitting here watching me eat. You never do that. Something on your mind, Bells?"

"Uhh, well, it's not something. It's someone."

"A guy? You're here to talk to me about a guy. Huh. You're not getting married or anything are you?"

"No, Dad."

"Good. So then what's the problem?"

"Dad, I'm different now. And _he's_ different from me. And everything just seems so . . . concentrated around us. Like a dense fog to get through for it to work. He's not even from around here. He's from Chicago and one of these days he'll be going back there."

"But you like him? And he likes you?"

"Yes."

"Well, Bella, two consenting single adults having a fling isn't unheard of, even here in the Pacific Northwest. Some mature adults have even been known to make a go out of a long-distance relationship. Though you wanna make sure the absence makes the heart grow fonder and not get into a out of sight, out of mind thing." Charlie heaved a heavy sigh. "Why your old dad has had a fling or two over the years. If we all obsessed over the end of a relationship, we'd never start them to begin with, don't you think? Hell, half the people in the world -maybe more- wouldn't even bother getting married. I'm sure I wouldn't have. You take it moment by moment, day by day. And if an end comes to be, you deal with it, and it just becomes part of your story."

"Part of your story, Dad?"

"Yeah, everyone's got a story to their life, uhh ... like a book, but no one's been promised a happily ever after. You especially, honey, have gotten a second chance. Don't waste it. Fill the pages of your story with living your life and if that means you get a good chapter and a few pages of heartbreak, so be it. You know years ago, I had a fling with Billy Black's sister, Lana. It was not long after your mother and I were divorced. She was younger than me and had just come home from college. To her people, it didn't seem like a great idea. Billy kept a watchful eye on her, but the two of us both found ourselves eating alone one night down at the diner so I asked her to join me. It was summertime, and I knew she was heading off to graduate school at the end of August, but in the moment I couldn't have cared less. We had an ease with each other that I've never forgotten."

"Wow, Dad, I never knew. What happened?"

"Well, we could have denied something was there and kept our distance but it felt too exciting between us not to, so we tried to keep things on the down low, you know, but I guess one night Jacob spotted us when we were in line at the movie theater. He was just a kid then and alerted Billy to seeing us."

_God-damned Jacob Black!_

"Billy came down pretty hard on us. Gave her the speech about me having been married already and divorced and her needing to be responsible to her family and focused on her schooling."

"So what happened?"

"I caved. Lana and I parted ways and I wished her well in school. Of course, she met some guy at graduate school and lives out in California in a big fancy house. I'm sure she has more than I could ever give her."

"Were you mad at Billy?"

"Not really. I was more so mad at your mother. It was the first time I had to take a look at myself and realize who the new Charlie Swan was - a labeled divorcee and father at a young age. I thought I was the same old Charlie Swan, but I wasn't. I was different."

"Oh Dad, no..."

"It's okay. I figured it out back then, and I can sit here and talk to you about it because its part of who I am. And you're so grown up. When'd you get so old?" We both laughed. "Different isn't necessarily a bad thing. So tell your Dad what this guy's like."

"He's . . ." A smile grew across my face. "He's a bit of a mystery still to me, but he's ruggedly handsome and an athlete."

"Well I already like him better than Eric," he deadpanned.

"Dad!"

"What, that kid had no interest in watching a football game. Okay, what else?"

"He has a medical condition, but I can't really discuss it with you. That's basically how I met him, in the hospital."

"And you're sure it's not like a Florence Nightingale syndrome, or is that too old school? Maybe its more like a _Grey's Anatomy _plot line."

"Dad!" I laughed so much my belly hurt, "You're killing me! Tell me you do not watch that show!"

Charlie shrugged.

"No, it's not like that. I sort of had a run-in with him before the actual hospital meeting. Well, we both kind of had a missed run-in with each other."

"Then it sounds like fate to me, and by the look of that smile on your face, something about it feels like fate to you. Anything else you want to tell me about him?"

"I don't know that much yet, just that he's only in the area on business. And he told me that he wants to get to know me more."

"Sounds like a good place to start, if you ask me, which is why you're here isn't it? To ask me?" Charlie was devouring his dinner, and I sensed that he was ready to go sit in his chair in front of the television. As a human, I would have referred to it as Charlie's habit. As a vampire, there was more to it. I could sense the synapses going off in him, the full belly needing to digest, and the exhaustion of the day catching up to him. I gave him a slice of pie and encouraged him to move to the recliner with it while I packed him a lunch for tomorrow. The kitchen was cleaned up when I realized I had the key chain in my pocket. I told Charlie I was going to my room to put something back.

I opened the third drawer, looping the key chain around one finger continuously as I dazed into a memory.

_I had done my best to avoid him for weeks after my graduation party and after seeing him with his girlfriend, his just-Becca. Barf! The park had been so busy every day that Jess and I determined we needed some girl time during our shared ride home that day, deciding to stop and get pizza from the same place Justin had taken me to. The same waitress was working. Joy._

_"So what's going on between you and Marc?" Jess asked._

_"Nothing. He's just a friend."_

_"A friend you hooked up with at your party."_

_"That's because I was drunk. Marc is a nice guy, but I just don't like him in that way."_

_"Does he know?"_

_I nodded yes._

_"It hasn't been weird working with him or anything. Mostly because he changed shifts and his days off."_

_"Oh my God, don't look at who just walked in."_

_"Jay!" I heard the annoying waitress appear out of nowhere. "How are you?"_

_"Shit! Is his girlfriend with him?" I asked, not ready to see them together again. _

_"No. Don't turn around. He's taking a seat at the counter. His back is to us. Are you going to go talk to him?"_

_"No. Let's just finish our pizza and go."_

_Jess excused herself to use the bathroom, and that's when Justin slid into the booth._

_"Did anyone ask you to join me? Where's your girlfriend?"_

_"Just-Bella . . ."_

_"Don't call me that!" I replied looking around for the waitress so we could get our check._

_"I know you're mad at me, but I can explain. Some of it anyway." His voice was gentle and even keel. "If you give me the chance."_

_"You had your chance. I thought you liked me. I was wrong. You moved on."_

_"Just-Bella I do like you. You don't understand some things that went on." (In the next moment things happened that left me scarred forever.) The door opened and a pack of guys must have shuffled in. Justin looked up then cursed under his breath. The waitress was standing there with our check, and Jess was trying to run interference for me. I looked over to see Jacob Black standing there, with his La Push buddies, their eyes burning into us._

_"Hey dollface," Justin said the to waitress. "What time do you get off work tonight? Maybe we can catch a movie."_

_What! Why was he doing this? In front of me?_

_"Sure, I'd love to, Jay!" she replied all perky, tossing her ponytail from side to side._

_"Great, then I'll be back to pick you up later." He winked at her as she slipped the bill onto the table._

_"Don't mind me," I muttered, "or your girlfriend wherever she is right now." I counted out the money from my purse and left it on the table, standing up just as Jacob Black approached me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Hey Bella, this guy isn't bothering you is he?"_

_"No," I said, looking over and realizing Jess was at the door waiting for me, waving me over to get the hell out of there._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah Jake, he's far from bothering me. And I was just leaving."_

_"Why don't you and Jess stay? We'll put a couple of tables together and you can sit with us."_

_"No, Charlie is expecting me."_

_"Okay then," he looked Justin up and down threateningly, "be sure to tell Charlie I said hi."_

_I nodded slightly._

_"Bella . . ." Justin placed his hand on my wrist as I turned away. "You know what you need to do Bella? Just go off to college, become a fancy doctor, and forget about me."_

My new body wanted desperately to shed tears as I felt all the pain from that day, from those moments, all over again. _Forget about him, huh? Wish I could have. Any other newbie vampire would have._ "You know what Justin? I should have done that a long, long time ago. There's nothing here worth holding onto anymore," I told myself quietly. With that, the contents of the third drawer were dumped into a wastebasket by my desk. Pictures. Name tags. Employee of the month certificate. Park maps and schedules. All of it. Done. That was how my past played out and it was gone now. I had a future to look forward to. Maybe with Edward Masen. Maybe with ten other human guys. Maybe with a vampire. I didn't know. All I knew is that one of the few real blessings about this new life, was being given a fresh start to make new choices. If Aunt Tanya was right, I had the odds stacked in my favor, and I was ready to embrace it all.

After closing the window securely, I flashed down the stairs without Charlie seeing me before announcing I was back.

"Ahh, there you are, Bells. So, did you decide what you are going to do about this Edward fellow?"

"Yeah, Dad," I stood behind his recliner and secured an arm around Charlie, carefully patting the back of the warm flannel he was wearing, "I'm going to let him be part of my story."

"Good. Don't forget your dear old Dad would like to meet him."

~x~ ~x~ ~x~

"Come on, Bella, you're ready to do this," Alice said while winking at Jasper, the three of us sitting in the living room.

"Am I?" I countered. I had already made my decision about Edward, but for some reason, I needed Alice or Jasper to talk me into it. Or out of it.

"Bella, I felt that nostalgia that night I returned the lighter to you. It was powerful. If that kind of emotion was triggered by hearing Edward Masen's heartbeat, then that's not something you can just ignore. Is it?"

"I know, but Jasper don't you understand? Edward Masen isn't part of my past. The nostalgia I felt wasn't for him. It was for someone else. Isn't it incredibly unfair to pursue Edward based on that?"

"Bella, why do you think this ability to manipulate other's feelings that I have is so powerful? Humans try to separate and categorize feelings into happy, sad, angry, and hurt but the truth is, on the inside, people can't really do that. Feelings are like these little revolving doors that go off in us that are attached to memories, so if his heartbeat affected you in a certain way, whatever you felt was sure to tap into something else you knew. That's how our mind and heart tries to make sense of of the information. And then, it can drive our actions. The trick, is not letting it slip you up."

"I guess. I mean, okay if you say so," I answered Jasper back, but all I could think about was the time I spent over the weekend listening to Tanya and Irina talk about their experiences. One of Aunt Tanya's final words of wisdom as we departed was about going out there and getting what I wanted.

"Besides, isn't it more than the nostalgia?"

"It sure looked like more when I brought him his lemonade out in Esme's garden," Alice teased.

It was more. And I knew now, more than ever, that I_ wanted Edward Masen._

"Hey now!" Jasper pointed at me. "Bella, I felt that. I kept tabs on him while you were away. He seems to like the beer down at Donohue's Bar & Grill. I'm available to go check the place out if you care to tonight."

"Yes, take Jasper! He will be an excellent wingman!" Alice beamed.

"Where else did he go over the weekend?"

"Let's see. He spent a couple of hours in the mall. And some time at his hotel on their computer. And he made a stop into the Yankee Candle shop over in the Port Angeles Square."

"Really at Yankee Candle? Did he buy anything?"

"Not that I saw."

"Oh, and he must baby that car of his because he took it to some specialty shop all the way in Port Townsend just to get its oil changed and then spent some time down at La Push, of all places. Are you sure you know what you are getting into with this guy?"

"No, I have no idea what I'm getting into," I smiled because the mystery of him was an exciting thought, "but in all fairness, neither does he. Look, promise me that you won't use any Jasper special vibes on him, okay? I want honesty from him, and I don't want anything hindering or helping his feelings when I see him."

"Except alcohol," he smiled. "Because that's way more acceptable than my mojo?"

"In this case? Yes."

"Always determined to undermine me," Jasper scrunched his nose.

"Okay, well you can hit him with one quick hit that will make him feel drunker than he is."

Jasper grinned. "It'll be like he downed a shot that knocked him on his ass."

"No, not that! Keep it on half power."

Alice wished me good luck.

_~~At the bar~~_

Despite the crowd that had gathered and the familiar pitch of the clinking of glasses, I could hear his heart beating the minute Jasper opened the door of Donohue's. A long old wooden bar lined the left side of the wall, with small green booths on the opposing side. I looked down the middle aisle to see him in the back by the round black bar-height tables and dart boards.

"Ut oh, I think we've been spotted," Jasper said to me. "And it's fair to say he's a bit riled up at the site of us."

Edward shook his head and took a long pull from his beer. We made our way through the crowd slowly. Sizing up Jasper, as we approached, Edward visibly pushed his tongue against the inside of his upper lip before stating, ¨I guess I know now why you've been too busy to call.¨

¨Hi,¨ I said timidly, listening as the sound of his heartbeat grew louder and louder. Was it more melodic?

Jasper extended his thinly-gloved hand out to Edward. ¨Hi, I'm Jasper. I believe you've met my fiancee, Alice.¨

Edward hesitated, looking to Bella with narrowed eyes, before taking Jasper's hand and shaking it firmly. ¨Yes, I have. Congratulations on your engagement. She's . . . umm . . .¨

¨Spirited?" Jasper asked with a coy smile to which Edward smiled in relief. "You have no idea just how much! Why don't I get us a round. What are you drinking?" Edward told him the name of a beer on tap and Jasper nodded in acknowledgment, leaving me standing there wondering if I was going to be able to work up the nerve to pull off the advice the Denali clan had given me.

"Jasper and I were just out to get a bite to eat over at . . ." I trailed off. I wasn't sure if he was listening to me.

¨So, how have you been?¨ he asked me with a sharpness to his voice as I slid into a bar-height chair behind an empty table, yanking off my coat.

Jasper returned with a pitcher and poured out three glasses, handing the first off to Edward.

¨I've been...well, it's been a long week," I said honestly. "How have you been?¨

Jasper excused himself to go out and smoke, which meant he gets away with not drinking in public, but not before messing slightly, _and intentionally_, with Edward's equilibrium. I saw the gauzy look in Jasper's eyes and knew he had done his magic.

"Me?" Edward pulled three darts out of the board and stood back far enough away to throw them, missing the center target all three times. He cursed after the last dart didn't make it and stumbled slightly. ¨Just peachy,¨ he said sarcastically, reaching for his glass from the table and then downing the rest of his beer. He looked down at the glass in his hand before placing it back down, suddenly stunning me as he looked across the table at me with those piercing green eyes of his. ¨I thought you said you wanted to see me,¨ he said with a mix of accusation and punishment to his tone.

¨I-...I do.¨ I poured him another beer, which he took and stood still, challenging me with a dubiously harsh, "You do?" he asked incredulously. "I called you,¨ he said adamantly with a shaking of his shoulders before he lifted the glass to his lips and swigged more beer.

His heart was reacting a bit frenzied.¨I know,¨ I responded gently, my right thumb and forefinger twisting around a piece of my hair nervously.

¨You didn't call back. In my book, that equals you blowing me off.¨ He finished his beer, placing the glass back down before collecting the darts from the target and taking aim again, cursing as he missed the center with each throw. I could see the uneven, staggered path of each dart through the air after it released from his hand. "So what are you doing here?"

¨I didn't mean for it to seem that way, Edward. Things just got really confusing for me, but I'm here now.¨

He moved around the table, his eyes stalking me as he approached me. "So...you're not blowing me?" he asked as he cradled my cheek in his hand, before adding with a chuckle, "_Off."_

I looked around at the other patrons and listened for sounds from the back of the bar. Grabbing his hand with both of mine, I nodded toward the back, leading him. He followed easily, with no protest, past the restrooms until we found ourselves in the back of a locked stockroom, that I broke into without him noticing. The feel of his skin just in my hand was enough to ignite feelings of how much I longed for him.

He stopped just inside the door, his fingers wrapping around my hands, clutching them to his chest as he inhaled deeply, before bringing them up to his lips. ¨I'm so twisted over you. My heart's been going berserk without you. And now you make it all go away . . .¨

¨Just your heart?¨I unfairly taunted, knowing the blood was rushing through his body.

In a barely lit stockroom..._BAM..._I had him slammed up against a stack of boxes in the corner in a too-quick vampire movement. Clanging ran out as bottles shook within their boxes. _My ostentatious advance could have been a little quieter. _I drew his hands up to the level of his chin, pinning his wrists against the boxes as I sealed my lips to his. He tasted delicious. The flavor of beer and a hint of sweetness accented by his natural orange and outdoorsy smell and his blood seized all of my senses. Without any hesitation on his part, our mouths were joined, his lips moving fervently with mine. There was no room for error. I willed myself to stay in control.

¨I missed all of you,¨ he said through gritted teeth before throwing himself back into the kiss, claiming as much of my mouth as he humanly could. My hands moved up from his wrists, allowing our fingers to intertwine, but he grasped them tightly, pushing against my palms. I moved my body closer to him, my chest jutted into his as I teased him with kisses across his face before dipping my head down to lick his outstretched neck, swirling my tongue at the base of his throat, testing myself to the limit. ¨Oh God, Bella...this ...you...you make me feel..._so good_. You have..._no idea_...just how good...¨

I wasn't even doing anything to him yet, just enjoying him while I successfully passed my own tests.

This was going to be too easy.

Aunt Tanya was right._ I really was a fucking goddess now!_

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _**

**_Hmm, what was Edward doing in Yankee Candle?_ **

**_Ooh, what do we think of Justin now? _**


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